"CHEATING QUESTION."

[Kjiersten]

OK. I've been doing (attempting) Medical transition for almost two years now, both with abysmal failures (Ref. my post(s) on Orchiectomy in "Additions to VA Care." for details.)

My original transition processes were executed in "stealth-mode," e.g. more underdressing, slowly growing my hair out, tighter tucking {which had always been doing for actually a larger part of my life, I finally realized, she said as a sidebar note} as well as other subtle suggestions of change, until I would come to a time where I would "break the Fear" and begin my Social transition.

 

Now, For New Years, I made two assertions.

Number 1.) No New Year's Parades & No Football, I fixed THAT one ... Slept out the whole day. hehehe   😉

Number 2.) I will begin to "push up the throttles" on my social transition, e.g. going/coming out more "in Kjiersten" more aggressively in a broader spectrum of locations.

 

My problem arose when I was facing the possibility of having to figure out a better way of "growing a more feminine form" as I began building up my social transition Bereft of HRT or Orchidectomy!  (Ref: See mine #2 supra.) Problem being How could I justify using/wearing prostheses (breast & other) padding without feeling like I was BEING A FAKE or CHEATING by DOing these prostheses if I either had to Wait and extended period of time {if I would ever GET a urology consult for an Orchy} or FOREVER, operating on the premise (read abysmal WORRY) on the prospect of NEVER getting ANY "mechanical relief!" and having to "go it alone as it were.

 

Fortunately, the problem of actually getting the "mechanical relief" e.g. surgery Did get resolved; I Will wear pads until the estrogen kicks in after the Orchy.

SO, now it becomes more of a philosophical question for those who find themselves in essentially the SAME kettle of fish, as it were ... and NOT BE so lucky as I were/am.

 

{S "Here's a topic: The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, Roman nor an empire:  DISCUSS!"
 

[Jackie C.]

5 hours ago, Kjiersten said:

My problem arose when I was facing the possibility of having to figure out a better way of "growing a more feminine form" as I began building up my social transition Bereft of HRT or Orchidectomy!  (Ref: See mine #2 supra.) Problem being How could I justify using/wearing prostheses (breast & other) padding without feeling like I was BEING A FAKE or CHEATING by DOing these prostheses if I either had to Wait and extended period of time {if I would ever GET a urology consult for an Orchy} or FOREVER, operating on the premise (read abysmal WORRY) on the prospect of NEVER getting ANY "mechanical relief!" and having to "go it alone as it were.

 

Personally, I'd remind myself that lots of cis-women use these products too. Either they've had a mastectomy, alopecia or they just want figure shaping. Nature isn't always kind and Western beauty standards are often unrealistic.

 

Hugs!

[Kelly2509]

In my opinion it all comes down to you and your comfort level.  Personally I have many of the same hangups, which is why it took me 1.5 years to get comfortable enough with wigs that I could justify spending more than 20 bucks on one.  I run into severe issues with feeling like I'm wearing a costume or playing pretend and I get really angry about it at times.

 

HOWEVER, one thing i have experienced is with exposure you can overcome some of those feelings.  To go back to the wig example, I owned one for about 10 months and it made me feel like a phony.  What eventually got me over the hump was I had a date coming up and I got an outfit for it that you COULD NOT wear a hat with (without looking stupid), which made me really have to practice putting my hair up, pinning the wig down, making sure I could go outside without it flying away in he wind cartoon-style...  You know, all the things that made me terrified to leave the house with it on.  After a handful of dry runs, and by that I mean trips to the grocery store, to my support group, stuff like that, I eventually got used to the process of putting it on, I finally got comfortable trusting it would stay in place, and when I had it on along with that outfit I mentioned I actually looked good.  Getting to that comfort level with the hair and then seeing how much better it made me look, and by extension feel, I finally got to a point where I was able to pull the trigger on something more substantial and day-to-day.  And now I feel fine wearing a wig all the time.  I can still tell it's a wig since there are little reminders all the time, but I'm getting used to working around the little things since having it makes me feel so much better.

 

So the moral of the story is you're not alone feeling that way about "enhancers" but one way to get past those feelings is to just try them out and work your comfort level up.

[Charlize]

I started my transition using all kinds of augmentation.  I simply wanted to be seen as myself.  At times i had that feeling of "cheating" but as mentioned above many women augment their assets for various reasons.  After years of HRT and some surgery i only use a wig.  Wigs are available and used by many cis women.  I simply do not want to draw attention to my chrome dome so people will not think i'm being treated for cancer.

I guess i sometimes feel like an imperfect woman.  After all that is true.  I can never be a cis, genetic woman.  I am a transgender woman and continue to learn what that means as well as finding peace and comfort in myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sally Stone]

It's understandable to feel like a fake when you are trying to enhance your appearance with prosthetics.  But like others have already mentioned, cis women use enhancements.  In fact, an internet search for external butt, hip and breast enhancements shows a large cis-woman clientele. 

 

I use enhancements as a regular part of my dressing routine, because if I didn't, I'd resemble a 2x4.  Having feminine curves make me feel confident and I don't apologize for desiring that look.  Additionally, I don't think my use of artificial enhancements is any different from someone who chooses surgical feminization surgery as a way of altering their body shape.  Yes, implants are probably more compatible with skimpy outfits and bathing attire than external padding, but for everyday dressing, external padding is just as effective and it is not nearly as expensive as surgery, nor does it come with potential health risks. 

 

Ultimately, I don't feel fake by wearing enhancements, but I guess it really comes down to personal desire and comfort. 

[stveee]

 I seem to be focusing on more on my internal experience, thinking, mannerisms, how I walk, speak and carry myself rather than clothing and various body parts- although those are certainly important. The trick is finding whether the problem is actually a physical one, or if it centers in the mind. And then maybe various blends of both! 

I am convinced most if it is psychological, for me.

[Aggie1]

The way I look at it, there are at least three me’s. 
1.Who I think I am.

2. Who other people think I am.

3. Who other people think I think I am

 

And then there’s the real me. 
 

I like what @stveeesaid “ The trick is finding whether the problem is actually a physical one, or if it centers in the mind. ”

 

Also @Sally Stone “ it really comes down to personal desire and comfort. ”

 

And @Charlize “.  I am a transgender woman and continue to learn what that means as well as finding peace and comfort in myself.” 

 

it’s a struggle to block out the messages from society about your personal worth or “goodness” depending on where you exist or wish you existed on the gender spectrum, 

 

Being comfortable and accepting of yourself is HUGE. It’s a mental exercise as much as a physical one. Personally I have a natural full head of hair with no balding. I’m sure I would be drawn to wigs otherwise. My main goal, actually something I’ve always tried to do my whole life is to fit in. I can wear athletic gear and fit in with the vast majority of people I know. Mentally on HRT I feel tons more comfortable. I’m working on my voice… I’m getting there. I’m working on facial expressions and mannerisms… I’m getting there. I feel natural and no one I know and respect has made me uncomfortable. Quite the contrary. My opinions and assistance and skills have been sought out. Even as I am gradually transitioning. It’s been a year now, and I can see some remarkable difference. I’m excited to see the changes next year at this time.

[Kjiersten]

Earlier, in my Original, I wrote:

 

"Fortunately, the problem of actually getting the "mechanical relief" e.g. surgery Did get resolved; I Will wear pads until the estrogen kicks in after the Orchi. "

 

02/28//0059.

I've got a date for Friday, March 4th. A significant date izzat ... forward MARCH!   MARCH FORTH!! and MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!

YES, well, In the meanwhile I've researched, studied and did some introspections on the manner of bottom surgery I want and settled on Zero-Depth Vaginoplasty, aka Vulvoplasty. I had arrived at a number of different supporting rationales in making this decision. At which point, I plan of talking to my urologist, asking if the scrotal sac would be required for Vulvoplasty and, if not could they write n a scrotectomy in with my simple bilateral orchiectomy. Somehow hoping they will, rather than having to do it later in the V'plasty. I will keep us posted one way or t'other.

 

So, now, I'm in the final stages of getting ready to "turn and Take The RUNWAY," as it were and Ready up for my "cleared for departure order, wherein I will push the throttles to full on thrust and "LET 'ER GO!"

As in "221KiloMike you're cleared for immediate departure, climb to 7000ft for abatement, turn left heading 270,expect 10,000 in ten minutes. Contact ALB Center on 142.9 G'Day"

 

I will advise on how it went shortly after. TY all...

Kjiersten (HAPPYGIRL!)   ❤️   <Kj>

[Jackie C.]

Good luck @Kjiersten! May your surgery give you the results you were hoping for and more besides!

 

Hugs!

[Katie M]

I am happily reaching for anything that helps the "exterior Katie" reflect the Katie inside. I have to wait until the first week of April to see if my primary care physician will refer me to an endo for HRT assessment - so I use wigs, breast forms, bodyshapers and anything else that makes me happy - with no apologies and no feelings of cheating...🥰! It's like Dolly Parton recently said: "If I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I'm going to go have it stuffed, tucked, or plucked!" (I love Dolly!)💜