Has finding a new identity helped you to see a happier path ahead?

[Davie]

How has the enlightening prism of a new identity helped you in seeing a better path ahead for you in the world as it is? How has it helped you to a happier,  more creative life? I don't have any easy answers to these questions but I am certainly curious about how you all think of them. How does a new identity help you regarding who you are that can help you to see the best path forward?

Thanks. With love, Davie 

[KathyLauren]

When I was debating whether or not I should come out to my wife, I thought a bit about what old age would be like, since I am closer to that end than to my youth.  I pictured myself in a nursing home, still the uptight, shut-down "man" that I was, and still wondering what it would be like to live as a woman.  That thought scared the **** out of me!  I knew I owed it to myself to find out who I really was.

 

So, the path ahead?  Oh, yes, it is much, much better now!  The biggest change is that I have gained a level of authenticity in my life.  I was always pretending: looking to see how "real men" behaved and trying to imitate them.  It never worked.  Being true to my identity has freed me from that. 

 

I am not rebellious by nature, but I used to feel like a rebel when I resisted the urge to wear a gray suit and wore a red or blue one instead.  I got teased for it of course.  Now, I can wear any colour I like, and it is considered normal.  There is no stress associated with trying to look good.

 

I have become more productive in my art, which is astrophotography.  I might have done so anyway, had I not transitioned, but my feeling is that I am able to put more heart into my images and to own my vision more than I used to.

 

I feel much more free as Kathy than I ever did as that other guy.

[Davie]

And if your gorgeous astrophotography is any clue, your closet must be amazing as well. And all this seems happier to me. Thanks, I needed the boost today.

hugs,

Davie

[Samuel William]

On 2/25/2022 at 12:47 AM, KathyLauren said:

I was always pretending: looking to see how "real men" behaved and trying to imitate them.  It never worked.  Being true to my identity has freed me from that. 

This is so familiar it’s almost painful! I’ve wasted so much mental energy trying to consciously figure out the ‘rules’ that everyone else who was AFAB seemed to just…..know. How to sit. What clothes are acceptable in a given situation. Haircuts. Social interactions. Body hair. None of it ever came naturally, and from puberty to age 40 I spent most of my time feeling awkwardly out of place in my own skin. 
 

I’m not yet out to anyone who knows me in my daily life, but just acknowledging my truth to myself has released tension I didn’t know I was carrying. I’m teaching myself to stop the constant mental calculations about what to do to fit in, and letting myself just be…..me. Even something as simple as getting dressed in the morning feels miles better now that I’ve purged my wardrobe of my old ‘fitting in’ clothes and added more things that I actually like to wear. 
 

I can’t wait to see how much better it feels even than this once I get further down my road to transitioning. 

[Charlize]

My whole feeling to life opened up with transition.  It brought me to acceptance of my self and world that i never had before.  This maple season i had a professional photographer,  who has photographed my paintings for market, join me to do some cool photo's of me at work.  There is also a filmmaker following me around the farm as well as questioning me about my life and art.  It's odd how transition has opened me up.  I'm getting to feel my age but feel better than ever about simply being me in my life.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Vidanjali]

3 hours ago, HarryT said:

I’ve wasted so much mental energy trying to consciously figure out the ‘rules’ that everyone else who was AFAB seemed to just…..know

 

just acknowledging my truth to myself has released tension I didn’t know I was carrying. I’m teaching myself to stop the constant mental calculations about what to do to fit in, and letting myself just be…..me.

 

Exactly. Ditto. Having access to that energy that was previously misdirected or suppressed is immense. My relationship to myself has improved and continues to do so. Therefore, my relationship to others, my vision of life, my expression in all aspects is richer and more vibrant. And, ironically, I feel safer because I finally feel like I have my own back, as it were. 

 

There's the well-meaning, but often glib advice to "just be yourself", and that's challenging for every individual, but more so when you spend your life being bombarded by messages from practically all directions that's its very much NOT okay to be yourself. Nonetheless, turns out that being yourself is as awesome as they say! 

[Ivy]

On 2/24/2022 at 7:55 AM, Davie said:

How does a new identity help you regarding who you are that can help you to see the best path forward?

I'm still working through this stuff.

My egg cracking has coincided with other major upheavals in my life.  It's been like my identity of 60+ years is in scattered pieces.  Now I'm looking at them and trying to figure out how to put them together in a functional manner.

I've gotten rid of a lot of unneeded baggage.  And I do feel comfortable in who I am.  

But as for where to go from here?  I just don't know.  I'm really kinda old to start over, and I don't have a plan.