Who am I?

[Mackie]

I thought I had "come to terms" with it or recognized it for me that I'm just a not so feminine woman who has a problem to live according to any role models. Shorter hair, men's clothes (that feels so good), then the topic was settled for me for the time being (or just pushed aside?). But now the doubts are back again and I don't really know who or what I am. I still don't feel like a woman and wish to be a man, so to speak (physically and socially), because that corresponds so much more to my "me". I don't have a disphoria, after all, but I do have a euphoria of the other sex characteristics. I see a show on TV and imagine myself doing it, but as a man. As a woman, it feels wrong somehow. In daydreams I am usually male as well, but not always. In sexual fantasies both are still present, as said a dysphoria is not present, not even sexually.

 

The problem is that the waiting list of the only therapist who knows about the subject in my city is closed. Maybe I could drive 40 minutes to another one, whether that is worth it I don't know. I also had an initial consultation with a therapist, but he is not specialized in the subject. So I didn't even dare to talk about it (there are enough other issues...). Oh, I don't know what to do. I am also afraid to even discuss this with a therapist. If I talk it out, it becomes real. He might, because he doesn't want to put obstacles in the way of (clear) trans people, push me in the direction of trans, even though I might or probably don't belong there.... 

 

 

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums, hopefully we can give you friendship if not actual help until you can find a therapist, but do continue to work on other health issues that you have.

[Jackie C.]

I don't know what sort of resources Germany has, but have you looked into an online gender therapist? My regular therapist and I have only been in the same room like twice.

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

Welcome to the group. Figuring out who you are is life changing, but so worthwhile. I hope you can find the answers you need. ❤

[Mackie]

12 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I don't know what sort of resources Germany has, but have you looked into an online gender therapist? My regular therapist and I have only been in the same room like twice.

 

Hugs!

Good idea! Never heard of that but I will check. Thank you and hugs too!