Most Difficult Part Of Transition

[Guest mak]

What is the most difficult part of transition in your opinion and why?

-the surgeries/hormones/electrolysis etc. stuff?

- dealing with its big financial cost?

- putting in risk your relationship with family and friends?

- having to deal with the racism and the transphobia of your community and most of the people generally?

- having a difficult time trying to be employed and accepted in a working place post-op ?

- something else?

I would really like to know which have been the most difficult things for you on your way to transition and how you dealt with them.

[Guest Nelly]

Hi,

I am not started transition now but I am most scared about the voice. If this is working not good, all others parts of the transition will be not accepted.

I also think that changing the voice is the biggest deal for your relationship to other people.

Greetings

Nelly

[Guest Gloria13]

What is the most difficult part of transition in your opinion and why?

-the surgeries/hormones/electrolysis etc. stuff?

- dealing with its big financial cost?

- putting in risk your relationship with family and friends?

- having to deal with the racism and the transphobia of your community and most of the people generally?

- having a difficult time trying to be employed and accepted in a working place post-op ?

- something else?

I would really like to know which have been the most difficult things for you on your way to transition and how you dealt with them.

The hardest part for me was giving up seeing my Grand kids. My daughter was fine but her husband (a prison guard and then policeman) had a cow and then when he found she still brought them to visit said I could never see them as me Gloria, but if I came to visit as the "old papa" then ok. He could not and can not grasp if I came to visit now that his daughters and I would by law have to share the same bathroom. But I needed to be me and this was a hard hoice to make but I have to be true to me also. My daughter and I still talk and I am up on all that is happeneing but I am on the outside looking in. My wifw is welcome to visit the Kids but I can't. So yea, that was the one main problem area for me. All of the other area went rather smoothly. Even had Dr Schrang bill me prior to surgery so I could get my thrift savings to pay "medical bills" before my surgery.

Gloria

[Guest angie]

Not being around my family,not allowed to see my grandsons,missing

all the family functions,all the holidays...Yeah I am very happy being myself.

Sure wish my family was here to share it with,growing with me,as I grow into

my life role.Will they celebrate when my surgery is finally at hand?Kinda doubt

it.They will be losing the last part of me being a man.It will be thrilling to me,

a very sad time for them.

Angie

[Guest Leah1026]

What is the most difficult part of transition in your opinion and why?

-the surgeries/hormones/electrolysis etc. stuff?

- dealing with its big financial cost?

- putting in risk your relationship with family and friends?

- having to deal with the racism and the transphobia of your community and most of the people generally?

- having a difficult time trying to be employed and accepted in a working place post-op ?

- something else?

I would really like to know which have been the most difficult things for you on your way to transition and how you dealt with them.

I knew about most of that stuff going in. Looking back I think the most challenging part of transition is voice. It seems to be the one part of transition that most gals seriously underestimate. More than anything voice is psychological and that's what trips people up. They can't throw money at it. They can't wing it. They can't seem to put the necessary effort into it. To be a success you have to work at it. You have to practice, practice, practice and then practice more. It took me about 2 years to develop my voice. And even today, years later, my voice is still getting stronger.

Do . not . neglect . your . voice.

[Guest Martin]

For me, the most difficult thing about transitioning was the dysphoria. It was especially bad after I came out socially and before I transitioned medically. It lessened with hormones and surgery, but is still present and probably always will be because I will never have a body quite like a cissexual man's. It's frustrating to spend so much time, MONEY, and energy into something that will never completely resolve. However, it was far harder to have to wait for hormones and have to wait for top surgery. Those waiting times were easily the hardest time.

Second hardest for me was coming out. I had read too many horror stories and too few stories with happy endings. I was terrified. I was afraid my parents were going to get violent and were going to kick me out of my home (they didn't - instead, they supported my transition. In fact, they made it possible to transition at all). I was afraid of getting beat up at school (that didn't happen either. Some people never did get my name and pronouns right, but no one teased me, assaulted me, mocked me, or anything like that). Because of these fears, it took a lot of courage to come out. I waited until I couldn't deal with the aforesaid dysphoria any longer (I was 17). Along with that is the fear of coming out in the future - of having to tell partners that my equipment isn't the standard equipment.

Then comes money. I will be in debt for a long, long time.

Compared to those, everything else was easy.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Hi,

I am not started transition now but I am most scared about the voice. If this is working not good, all others parts of the transition will be not accepted.

I also think that changing the voice is the biggest deal for your relationship to other people.

Greetings

Nelly

Many women have deeper voices, the late actress B Arthur (Maude and Golden girls) comes to mine. For me the bugaboo is going to be the telephone, it picks up all the wrong resonances in my voice

[Sally]

As far as the voice, think of Kathleen Turner, Lauren Hutton and Lauren Becall, if you go way back Marlena Dietrick had about the lowest voice of any woman and was considered sexy because of it.

The voice is more a problem in our own minds - lose the chest resonance and you don't have to raise the pitsh very much and use more inflections men speak more in monotones.

The biggest cost of transitioning is the loss of people and even family members that you thought loved you but only if you would remain as they want you - that is a terrible price and it is paid wheither or not you ever transition you find this out when you come out to them.

I don't fear anything else about transitioning it is finding out that while I had been denying it and trying to fool myself - my friends have been fooling me too and they were never really my friends.

But the biggest blow is to find out that the very person that toaught you to be tolerant and embrace differences and to hate no one can not bring herself to believe or even talk about it - she knows that I am wrong and that is all.

I will never understand this attitude from a person who has always had time to share with anyone and who taught groups of people not to hate because someone is different - I thoaught that she would be my supporter but I was wrong and our relationship can never be the same again.

The price was paid when I told her.

What is the most difficult part of transitioning?

Giving up your entire world as you have known it.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Alyssa Leigh]

For me it would be loosing my family and having a difficult time finding employment.The voice will take practice but I am sure I can pull it off and for what the community thinks oh well I plan on moving out of state in a year or so anyways.

Alyssa

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

The hardest thing for me, so far, has been dealing with my own negative tendencies. I tried very hard for most of my life not to make these decisions, but eventually the unhappiness and the effect that it was having on my life, heart, and mind woke me up. Im glad it did, but I still have a regular struggle with my own internal demons over all of this.

The next fear I had was being open with my friends and family. So far that has been the easiest thing of all. It went very well in every instance but one, and by the time I came across a "friend" that couldnt handle it, I was happily invested in moving on and didn't care. His loss. I have a niece that won't speak to me right now too, but we havent talked in years, and it would be unfair to assume that this is the reason she is being distant, though I suspect it is. ::shrugs:: If it had been my best friend, my parents, or my sister, I would probably have been deeply saddened, but I know that I am surrounded by love and support, and I know that I am doing what I need to do, must do, in order to survive. So, those who will come with me are welcome companions, and those who cannot will travel their own roads. I cannot, any longer, allow myself to live for other people's expectations. It is no longer healthy, viable, or survivable, and so I have made my choice and those around me must make theirs.

I think its important to note that it took me 32 years to be ok with this for MYSELF though. So, I try to be patient with everyone else. Why should I expect them to accept and embrace something about me that I was so reticent to accept? I NEED them to. I WANT them to. But I think we all have to be patient with our loved ones. Many of us have held ourselves in limbo for one reason or another and been our own worst enemies. It takes time, even when we are the ones directly affected by these decisions and feelings and circumstances, and so we need to be willing to give others time to process and accept and understand this thing that they are NOT experiencing.

Deciding to start HRT was a big and scary thing, but I really, really wanted it. I just had to get over the fear of how people would react and whether or not I could stay employed. At this point I am less concerned about those issues as well. I think actually making the decisions and then living with them, knowing where things are going and that they are possible, has helped me become more self reliant and confident. I have also had health worries and probably will for some time as the residual repressive tendencies I have continue to manifest themselves in various ways. But this is not insurmountable.

I worry a little about transphobia, because I think its wise to be aware that its out there and that people can be dangerous. Ive had one episode of name calling, but in general Ive found that people react to me more based on how I present myself than on how I look. Being open and friendly and engaging, which is new territory for me, goes a long way, and in general my social interactions are considerably better and more rewarding than they used to be.

I actually do not expect to pass, and actually dont care. I'll more than likely end up being one of those strangely ambigous people that doesnt look either male or female and doesnt behave in a particularly masculine or feminine way. What I want though, is to be happy with _myself_ FOR _myself_. I dont want to be feel as dishonest in my life as a woman as I did in my life as a "man." I just want to be me. If I am lucky enough to pass, I will be the happier for it. If not, as long as I am comfortable with who I am and how I feel about my body, and as long as I have people who love and accept me whatever I look like, sound like, or whatever name I use, then all will be well. I currently do intend to have the surgery at some point, but I still feel like what is most important is being happy with myself, regardless of the perceptions of others. Ultimately, failure to pass successfully does make one's life more difficult and does make one more of a target for the transphobic though.

Financially, this is all very difficult, and that worries me sometimes, but its worth doing and patience and diligence are the keys. Right now, between the therapist, the hormones, and the laser treatments I hope to start next month, my finances are as pinched as they can possibly get and still allow for the paying of bills. Its tough. Its a challenge.

I dunno. Its like I tell people: No one does this for fun. Its not recreational. Its not done lightly. Its serious business. Its difficult. Its probably a life long process to some extent, and there is a limit, for some people, to the degree of success, whatever that may mean, that a person can have.

ALL of it is challenging- every stage and every decision. We just have to be brave and strong and do the best we can.

[Guest Eth]

I knew about most of that stuff going in. Looking back I think the most challenging part of transition is voice. It seems to be the one part of transition that most gals seriously underestimate. More than anything voice is psychological and that's what trips people up. They can't throw money at it. They can't wing it. They can't seem to put the necessary effort into it. To be a success you have to work at it. You have to practice, practice, practice and then practice more. It took me about 2 years to develop my voice. And even today, years later, my voice is still getting stronger.

Do . not . neglect . your . voice.

You said it... I've only been working on my voice for a few months, and it's really nowhere near good enough to be used at all let alone 24/7. I know this is the hardest part and that I'll have to work at it seemingly forever... But it'll be worth it. Voice is the most important thing to me about transition, so it's especially hard/nervewracking/emotional for me.

愛 Eth

[Paula ult]

For me the hardest at first was coming out to my stepfather, seems after that initial coming out it gets easier for me, others see the changes and my friend has told me lots of people wonder what's going on, so far it seems it's a light bulb moment after i tell them, all so far all have been accepting.

After the initial coming out, i agree voice is the hardest, i been working on on mine 3 months and practice most of the day, others i talk too have worked years on theirs and continue to do so.

Paula

[Guest Guardian]

The voice looks like the most difficult hurdle to leap in transition, because of how long it takes to get it right, and how much effort needs to be put into it. Finding it isn't so bad, but developing it so that it becomes natural, you use the right speach patterns, and being able to use it for long periods of time are all very difficult.

It's also, I think, the most important hurdle to cross, because of how significant a factor voice plays when people try to identify a person's sex. If they can't decide, then voice usually ends up being the deciding variable.

Transphobia comes next. I don't mind if people avoid me, because they do that already, but I'm rather afraid of violence. I can carry 4" of steel, legally, and I may be able to defend myself, but it's damaging, scary, and painful no matter if you defend yourself, or not... I pray that the day never comes when I'll have to hurt someone else in self-defence.

Love and peace,

Jessica

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Personally? I am six months into HRT and very androgynous. I cannot find work. So my main problem is having a difficult time trying to be employed and accepted in a working place pre-op .

Elizabeth

[Guest BriannaM]

Would have to say, hardest part was the beginning. First actually telling the wife i was going to transition, but didnt want to lose her. In which of course came lots of restless nights, wondering if i was doing the right thing, and lots of time on the couch talking with her.

But, I would have to say, even harder than that, was taking baby steps to show her, i was still going to be the same person i have always been, just needed the body to reflect that. It has been 3 1/2 yrs since starting HRT, and she has accepted me unconditionally. Now that she can see "the husband" really has been only by appearance.

Still trying to deal with my own insecurities and demons, but having her, my mother in law and 1 daughter so far, beside me, has made a world of difference.

[Guest Sophie Jean]

What is the most difficult part of transition in your opinion and why?

-the surgeries/hormones/electrolysis etc. stuff?

- dealing with its big financial cost?

- putting in risk your relationship with family and friends?

- having to deal with the racism and the transphobia of your community and most of the people generally?

- having a difficult time trying to be employed and accepted in a working place post-op ?

- something else?

I would really like to know which have been the most difficult things for you on your way to transition and how you dealt with them.

Spiritual self-acceptance had to be for me the most important part? How could God have done this to me and why? Why couldn't I learn to become a man with the wife and children He led me too? How could I fix myself so I wouldn't hurt anybody.

It took a lot of probing, peeling and opening before I finally began to realize who I was and what it meant. But it took building my own spiritual connections to realize God had deep embracing love for me that transcended the traditional father figure. It took an acceptance of God that transformed into an acceptance of myself. Why are children born with cleft palettes? So they have the opportunity to become whole. Why does it seem so many people are different? So that they can perceive the Spirit with individual lenses, and the journey to wholeness is a blessed one.

Acknowledging who I was the most difficult part. Dealing with the fact that I am losing my partner more the farther I transition is the next hardest.