CBT and anti depressants

[Emma De]

Not quite out and facing up to what is almost certainly the major issue.

 

I am due to have an assessment for CBT in the next couple of weeks and have started anti depressants from the Doctor. I am not sure if the therapist will be able to cover all bases and is probably not a gender specialist. I will see, at least it feels as if I am trying to open up. Can't imagine telling a doctor yet, but feel I have to.

Typing this here is my next little step to that big moment, yet I know once it is done it will just be just one more small step along.

That is how this feels. Every step looks and feels massive and shreds the emotions, confidence and physical strength. Then when you do it. You see the massive distance still to cover and how small that step actually was.

I hold hands across the globe to those taking this path and wish you well. If I can do this so can you. 

[Jani]

Hello Emma,

Starting an antidepressant is good if you have not been feeling like yourself.  Your new therapist may not be able to cover all the bases but do work with them.  They can only help with what they know about you.  Speaking to your doctor is also a good idea, despite it being a difficult thing to think about.  Yes there is the emotional aspect that is like climbing the highest mountain but you will be all right.  That you realize how much further you have to go is quite normal in any endeavour when you first start out.  It seems insurmountable but you take it one step at a time and soon enough you are moving smoothly.  You can do this! 

Hugs, 

Jani

[Emma De]

Thankyou @Jani it helps to read feedback. I am certainly moving very slowly at the moment, but that is what feels comfortable to my mind, body and soul.

[Emma De]

Cloudy mind, not crying everyday now, but sometimes feel as though I want to but can't now. I had put the crying down to accepting a more feminine side, but perhaps it was the depression? I miss it a bit, but also feel a little spaced out and confused which is also symptoms of the medicine. Another week or two and I have a review of the medicine. I guess I am still waiting for my body to settle down to taking the medicine.

 

[Emma De]

Two major outbursts and freeze ups over the past week, at least I have my first one hour on-line session tomorrow. I hope it helps. Doesn't just open the pain and we run out of time. No idea how often the sessions might happen at this stage or for how many.

I hopeful for them, but worried as well.

[Emma De]

Four month waiting list for therapy. Trying to be strong. Medicine is scrambling my brain, apparently this is normal. I am trying to read and research about it all.  Finding concentration and memory is like cotton wool and finding the train of thought or recalling facts is impossible. (I am used to being sharp, incisive with a memory for multiple things. Even if I say so myself) Struggling to keep positive, but realise that a walk each day and the count down keeps moving support closer. It is all about patience but I have made my mind up, just need to find solace in the little things I can do. Hearing about others who have reached their point in time gives me hope. So if you read this please give me a pointer to things to read that share the positive of transition and writing about the wonders of being true to yourself at last as that is what is helping most. I have been reading Wattpad stories that make me smile and that is an amazing feeling in my black hole. Sorry to be sad, I am fighting hard and seeking light and rainbows please. I hope this all makes some sort of sense?

[Charlize]

Oddly the books by a country woman of yours were a great help to me.  Jan Morris is a bit of a legend to me.  As a male he climbed the alps as a reporter and gained fame before transition.  The book i'm currently reading is "In My Minds Eye" and is a diary she wrote in her 90's as an old woman.  

Another good writer is Jennifer Finney Boylan who is a contemporary writer and trans woman.

This is a magical if difficult journey at times.  I remember each step vividly even after time has erased much else.  Knowing that others had traveled this road both past and present helped me in my journey.  

 

Hugs from a fellow traveler,

 

Charlize

[Robin]

Hi Emma,

 

After reading your posts, I would like to suggest a YouTube channel that you may find helpful.  It is by a lady called Irene Lyon, and although it is not directly transgender related, I have found it extremely useful.  Another YouTuber that may be of interest is Kati Morton.  

 

Robin.