In dire need of advice, any type is fine.

[Arielle787]

Now I know it’s ultimately up to me to decide, but some advice and direction on existing gender identities and such would be much appreciated. 

 

Up until last year actually, I didn’t think of non-binary and related identities as actual things, I used to be super close minded, despite me being gay myself lmao.

 

It wasn’t until I actually began dating my current partner, who is actually non binary themselves, that my mind was opened.

 

And thus, I actually began to question my own gender identity.

 

Since I was a kid, i’ve always liked girly things, I liked wearing my mom’s high heels, I listened almost exclusively to(and still do) female singers, all of my favorite characters from various franchises were females, I was and am obsessed with the color pink, I enjoy crossdressing, I almost always choose females in games where you can choose your gender, and if I do choose a male I always make them very feminine. 

 

The very first time i dressed completely as a girl for halloween it felt very, liberating, and when i asked this one girl i had met if she thought i was a girl she told me that she did until i started speaking haha, which honestly felt validating. I also I remember once I got mistaken for a girl on a community app and I wasn’t totally against it, in fact I actually enjoyed dragging my real identity out a bit. 

Sometimes I do fantasize what it’s like to perceived as a woman, and sometimes it feels validating, other times it’s, eh, because I still overall still identify as a male.  i’ve never had body dysmorphia, i still very much don’t mind the fact that i’m a male at all in terms of sex or even gender.

 

I don’t think i would ever see myself identifying as fully a female, which is why I shyed away from gendrfluid.

 

But, I still very much have a connection to the female gender.

 

I thought about if maybe I was a demigirl, or a demiboy, and though I feel both those terms describe me in their own way, that’s just it, in their own way.

 

There’s no demiboygirl (that I know of), and even if there was, wouldn’t that just be bigender?

And even then, im still not comfortable identifying 100% as a girl, but feel i’m not 100% a dude either, though i’m more comfortable being seen as one.

 

I don’t know, i’m just very confused.

 

Am I just a cisgender with a hyper feminine preference?

 

Is it more than that?

 

All in all, I still identify as a guy, for the most part, but with a close connection to the female gender, to the point where I prefer femininity over masculinity. I honestly don’t think i’d ever see myself as a ‘real’ man, or prefer masculinity over femininity, but I still do feel comfortable being seen as a dude and am masculine at times too (when I choose to be tho, It doesn’t come naturally most times haha)

 

What do you guys think? Any advice or thoughts are highly appreciated ❤️

 

 

[DeeDee]

Hi @Arielle787 pleased to meet you!

 

It is that understanding that there is a difference between your sexuality and your gender.

 

We do not choose either, it boils down to how we react to lots of nature/nurture factors, but we can choose how to express ourselves to others. (the problem is that often the pressure to conform to others expectations means we cannot express ourselves freely and bad things happen  )

I fought tooth and nail to come across as a heteronormative white cis male for 40 years, with great success, but understand that actualy I am a woman with too much testosterone in her system, and see the world differentyl to mu male friends.

I am actually needing to work through my sexuality; in all liklihood I am either Bi or pan, but with a heavy leaning towards women. I haven't figured out how much of my attraction is envy and how much is lust, but I'm not in a hurry to understand it.

The generic rule of thumb is that cis people do not spend time wishing they were a different gender, they are firmly comfortable in their assigned birth gender, hence the "cis" meaning "same".

 

That your partner is NB has probably helped you work through some of those internalised phobias and pressures and you are now realising that you can be free to express yourself in a different way.

 

You are right in that only you can decide who and what you are and where you feel most comfortable on the gender spectrum, labels are pointless and only useful if they achieve something.

Perhaps ask yourself:

Why are you questioning your gender?

Where would you like this road to lead?

What will your life look like in 5 years time if you were totally accepted for who you are?

Good luck!

 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Arielle.  It sounds to me like you are certainly not cisgender.  What that makes you is up to you to discover.  If I had to guess, I would say you are non-binary.  Of course, there are many flavours of non-binary.

 

What might help is to see a gender therapist.  They can help you to explore your gender and come to a realization of what fits best for you.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Charlize]

Welcome dear.  What you describe in many ways describes feelings and experiences in have had.  For years i denied them and was actually ashamed.  I did my best to be a manly man.  After time with a gender therapist i have accepted my feminine side.  I present and prefer to be seen as female but at the same time i drive my tractors on the farm or go out in the dump truck to pick up grain or other supplies.  I suppose i  could call myself non binary but as my wish is to live openly as a woman i transitioned.  

This is a decision only you can make.  Remember we are all a bit of a mix.  As mentioned gender therapy might really help you be comfortable with whatever decision you make.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[stveee]

You sound more Genderfluid IMO, what stuck out to me was being gendered as male is not a problem for you. To me, non binary has a problem with ascribing to ANY specific gender. 

The path narrows in binary territory and for example, me being misgendered as M  is a problem for me. I lived fluid and enby but I was just a closeted trans in denial. 

This is very generalized. But gender is an individual thing and not all of us tick the appropos boxes all the time. 

My only advice is give yourself permission to experiment. Most of us I believe tried various things until we arrived at a place that we could admit felt genuine to us. And even when I did arrive at knowing I was trans, you would think the "test piloting" came to an end- NOPE, it only just got started!