Questioning

[thegummybookworm]

Short summary: question if I an non binary/ agender

TW : chest,potential dysphoria 

 

I went bra shopping with my partner. I have never really like my chest area . My breast have always been to big in my opinion. I try to get help picking out the right size but because of the language barrier it was difficult. The woman in the shop pick out three bras that I did not really like. 

Once in the changing room I put the first one and started to tear up. I put the second one and ended up crying. I couldn't stop still can't. I don't really know why. The bra was not fitting great but I had worst. I really did not like my reflection in the mirror. I felt very disconnected from it. I don't know what I was hoping for. Part of me was hoping to feel sexy but my breasts just seemed like to useless lumps of fat.I wish I would be more feminine more sexy more comfortable with my body.I just don't know how to do it. Everytime I try I just fill up with anxiety and discomfort. I don't why. It just feels very scary but at the same time I want to try

I don't why being womanly makes me so uncomfortable. I desire it but it scares me.I have never wish to be a man but I have often wish I was not a woman.

[Jackie C.]

It's certainly possible that you're NB. I was talking to a lovely woman last week about one of her partners who was almost certainly trans in some manner. She wouldn't let my new friend touch her breasts or so much as look at her bottom to the point of wearing underwear when they bathed together.

I've got an NB friend who hasn't had (or will have) any surgeries, they just went on T for a minute to develop some characteristics they wanted. They're a small A-cup though and don't feel any chest dysphoria.

 

So, what to do?

 

You need to find yourself a gender therapist and figure out what you need. You say you don't want to feel masculine and that's fine. I didn't like feeling masculine either. 😉

If you're not comfortable with your breast size, breast reductions exist. I have a few friends that have had them. They're perfectly happy with the results.

The important thing is to discover what's right for you and what makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. That's what the whole journey is about. In the meantime, welcome and we'll be happy to offer you all the support you can handle.

 

Hugs!

[Vidanjali]

Hi & welcome to this community @thegummybookworm . I'm sorry you're so upset. Know you're not alone. Many others, myself included, have had similar experiences. For me, the answer was I'm nonbinary, but it took me over 40 years to come to that realization - especially because I didn't know that nonbinary was a thing until just a few years ago - one major advantage of the internet. I've spent a small fortune on bras in the past, searching for the holy grail, as it were, of bras that would feel right and not make me cry or panic. I've had total meltdowns in the dressing room trying on bras. I've felt like a freak, and I felt stuck because I thought unless I found one to wear, that it would be like going out in public naked. Fast forward to just before the pandemic - I had begun experimenting with wearing a tight fitting athletic tank top instead of a bra, and transitioning my wardrobe so that the tops I wear over it are not so clingy. I felt super conspicuous going out in public braless for the first time. But, nothing bad happened. I still wore one to work, though. Then, the pandemic started and I stopped wearing a bra altogether because I wasn't going out into the public at all. I remember the first time I put one on again after not having worn one for several months - I thought I had to. It felt awful, and I took it off immediately. That was it - I swore them off. Now, I just try to dress strategically. Not one person has said anything (to my face). My bra size was a C or D cup depending on the bra, so the breasts are not of insignificant size. Some folks with chest dysphoria prefer a sports bra, but for me, the bra-ness in any respect is repellent. The way I think about it, I'm working to normalize what works for me. I also spent most of my life desiring to be feminine, but not because it was my heart's desire - rather because I thought that's what I was supposed to be and that I was defective. I truly desire to be myself, whatever that means. Having breasts does not have to define all other expectations and aspects of one's life. I'm telling you all this in the hope you'll see you're not alone, and you're not defective either. Much love! 

[Delcina B]

Welcome @thegummybookworm! Glad you're here. This is a wonderful place to explore searching for the answers to your questions. I can't say I relate directly to your problem, but if the moderators can figure out how to set up a body parts swap meet we could talk. I do relate to not feeling comfortable in my body. This forum, a gender therapist & the book You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox have been so helpful figuring out me. 

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[Susan R]

On 4/8/2022 at 4:06 AM, thegummybookworm said:

Short summary: question if I an non binary/ agender

TW : chest,potential dysphoria

Hello @thegummybookworm, It a pleasure to meet you. I’m no expert on non-binary questions although it does fit under the transgender banner for the reasons you ask your question. As an MtF, I suffered from body dysphoria too. As unusual as it sounds, my body dysphoria actually seemed to worsen a bit as I started to change to a closer version of how I felt inside both socially and medically through HRT. I was finally relieved of my body dysphoria after corrective surgery to make my body physically match my internal gender. This, by no means, makes it your truth. Every journey is unique. Some transgender individuals have relieved their body dysphoria with long term and helpful counseling, others require more intensive support with new wardrobe and presentation and/or ongoing medications to help them, and yet others require surgeries, resocialization and gender role modifications.

 

On 4/8/2022 at 4:19 AM, Jackie C. said:

find yourself a gender therapist and figure out what you need.

As @Jackie C. stated above…you might greatly benefit from her suggestion. It’s usually the first stop on battling the dreaded dysphoria issue. If they are good at what they do, they can get you started on the right path.

 

Its nice to have you here on our forum. I hope to see you around.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷