What was the most difficult thing to overcome to accept your true gender?

[Heather Shay]

For me it was finally stopping denying myself.

[Ivy]

One biggie was my conservative christian background.  

(No offense to the Christians here)

 

I thought I had to interpret everything through a "Biblical World View."

It could get kinda bizarre.

I no longer think that.

[Heather Nicole]

For me it was overcoming the one and only trans narrative I had ever heard. The one you hear about on mainstream TV with "I always just knew I was really a..."

 

It took until my late 30's to stumble upon even the very thought that maybe a person could be trans without that innate sense, and once I did find out, it took time for it to really sink in. If I had heard about such trans people early on I probably would have figured myself out as a kid, certainly no later than as a teen.

[Michelle_Anne]

1 hour ago, Heather Nicole said:

For me it was overcoming the one and only trans narrative I had ever heard. The one you hear about on mainstream TV with "I always just knew I was really a..."

 

It took until my late 30's to stumble upon even the very thought that maybe a person could be trans without that innate sense, and once I did find out, it took time for it to really sink in. If I had heard about such trans people early on I probably would have figured myself out as a kid, certainly no later than as a teen.

As of right now self denial 

[KathyLauren]

1. My internal transphobia.  "Trans people are weird, so I'm not one!"

2. My denial.  Which is really transphobia in disguise.  "Trans people might be okay, but I can't be one, can I?"

3. Accepting that I really needed to do something about it.

4. Telling my wife.

[JacobLevado]

For me, the big barrier depending on when.  I never heard of trans people until I was pretty far through college, so initially the barrier was ignorance.  Then when I was 20 I heard of a trans guy who was a neuroscientist, but the person telling me about him was incredibly negative about his gender identity; so then the barrier was internalized transphobia.  Then I reverted to my childhood religion, which didn't accept the existence of being trans.  Then I lost my faith... and voila!  Here I am.

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, JacobLevado said:

Then I lost my faith... and voila!  Here I am.

Funny how that changes things.

[JacobLevado]

5 hours ago, Jandi said:

Funny how that changes things.

Lol... Painful but necessary.  Now I see pictures of my old self and it looks like I had dressed myself in someone else's clothes.  I think at some point I'm going to need to find some sort of spiritual or religious path again, but want to live into myself more before I go searching.

[Susan R]

There are so many variables as one can see from the responses so far. If I had to choose the one with the most impact for me, I would have to say accepting the fact that my true gender was not something that could be cured or changed by spiritual intervention or any amount of conversion therapy. Once I realized it was an inherent part of my core being, I could no longer deny it.

[Michelle_Anne]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

There are so many variables as one can see from the responses so far. If I had to choose the one with the most impact for me, I would have to say accepting the fact that my true gender was not something that could be cured or changed by spiritual intervention or any amount of conversion therapy. Once I realized it was an inherent part of my core being, I could no longer deny it.

 

Once Irealized it was an inherent part of my core being, I could no longer deny it.

• I feel  like that’s where I’m at now .   

[Betty K]

Hi Heather. For me I think it was living down the masculine persona I adopted to survive my childhood. I still haven’t come out to my closest high-school friend because I worked so hard to make him and the other males in our circle believe I was one of them that I’m now too embarrassed to admit to my deception. Only by spending years away from those influences have I been able to be myself. 

[Heather Shay]

@Betty K deception is mainly to ourselves in my opinion and putting on the male persona to survive is totally fair. What I've found in slowly telling long held friends is that you lied to yourself all these years and you hope they can understand and support you. If they are friends they will accept if not they were only acquaintances anyway and it is someone you need to let go of. That's may experience and I've felt much better inside when I let go of the internal deception and confronted it.

[Betty K]

 

10 minutes ago, Heather Shay said:

deception is mainly to ourselves in my opinion and putting on the male persona to survive is totally fair.

 

Yes I understand. The thing with this particular friend is I had a falling out with him anyway several years ago, and I was actually happy to be free ofthat group of friends in many ways. There is one I keep in touch with and have come out to and he is very supportive. Otherwise I wonder when I will ever see those people again. I don't feel guilty for deceiving them, but I imagine it could be very strange to see them again.

[Heather Shay]

Sounds like a bridge that need not be worried about in that it doesn't appear to have much likelihood. Better things to worry about LOL.

[Ticket For Epic]

The distinct feeling it's okay for others but not me.  That somehow I'm lying to myself and other will see through it.

[SheenaT]

On 6/15/2022 at 9:37 AM, Jandi said:

One biggie was my conservative christian background.  

(No offense to the Christians here)

 

I thought I had to interpret everything through a "Biblical World View."

It could get kinda bizarre.

I no longer think that.

ME TOO!

[KymmieL]

my biggest hurdle I have to overcome is ME. While I realize that I am a woman. I need to convince myself of that very thing. Then I need to decide what is the best thing for me. While I so want to live the rest of my life as a woman, do the name change Etc. I am torn by the love I have for my family. I don't want to lose my wife and oldest son. with losing my son i will lose my oldest grandson and my only granddaughter.

 

Kymmie

[Michelle_Anne]

2 minutes ago, KymmieL said:

my biggest hurdle I have to overcome is ME. While I realize that I am a woman. I need to convince myself of that very thing. Then I need to decide what is the best thing for me. While I so want to live the rest of my life as a woman, do the name change Etc. I am torn by the love I have for my family. I don't want to lose my wife and oldest son. with losing my son i will lose my oldest grandson and my only granddaughter.

 

Kymmie

I feel for you. Im in the exact same spot.  I don’t have grandkids but everything else you said mirrors me right now. Thank you for sharing.

 

Michelle 

[Annette]

Overcoming the internal barriers erected in childhood/adolescence. The biggest were:

First, internalized misogyny. This may sound strange coming from an MtF, but I did have it. Perhaps it was born out of rejection: "Oh, look at all these perfect women, walking around in their perfect dresses, with their perfect hair, not wanting to accept me as one of them. But you know what, they are not so perfect at all!"

Then, internalized transphobia: "Women may be ok, but to transition would mean becoming an ugly creature, neither a man nor a woman, someone(thing) that doesn't belong anywhere."

[Ivy]

9 hours ago, Annette said:

The biggest were:

First, internalized misogyny. This may sound strange coming from an MtF, but I did have it.

I think this is endemic in our society.  We are taught from birth that this is the Natural Order of things.  It is a foundation of the Patriarchy.  It was one reason I spent most of my life terrified that my feminine side would be exposed.

I did get to a point where I could joke about some of this.  Eventually I crossed a line and my egg cracked big time.

[SheenaT]

On 6/17/2022 at 3:45 PM, Hannah Renee said:

Accepting that age is not a barrier.

That one I struggle with. 

[SheenaT]

10 hours ago, Annette said:

Overcoming the internal barriers erected in childhood/adolescence. The biggest were:

First, internalized misogyny. This may sound strange coming from an MtF, but I did have it. Perhaps it was born out of rejection: "Oh, look at all these perfect women, walking around in their perfect dresses, with their perfect hair, not wanting to accept me as one of them. But you know what, they are not so perfect at all!"

Then, internalized transphobia: "Women may be ok, but to transition would mean becoming an ugly creature, neither a man nor a woman, someone(thing) that doesn't belong anywhere."

I can totally relate!🤗

[SheenaT]

On 6/24/2022 at 7:03 AM, KymmieL said:

my biggest hurdle I have to overcome is ME. While I realize that I am a woman. I need to convince myself of that very thing. Then I need to decide what is the best thing for me. While I so want to live the rest of my life as a woman, do the name change Etc. I am torn by the love I have for my family. I don't want to lose my wife and oldest son. with losing my son i will lose my oldest grandson and my only granddaughter.

 

Kymmie

I too struggle with everything I WILL LOSE AND LOVE!

[Ivy]

On 6/17/2022 at 6:45 PM, Hannah Renee said:

Accepting that age is not a barrier.

Oddly, I believe that my age works in my favor.  I don't have so many standards of beauty to try to live up to.  I'm free to just be an old hag.  LOL

[NashySlashy]

On 6/15/2022 at 1:06 PM, Heather Nicole said:

For me it was overcoming the one and only trans narrative I had ever heard. The one you hear about on mainstream TV with "I always just knew I was really a..."

 

It took until my late 30's to stumble upon even the very thought that maybe a person could be trans without that innate sense, and once I did find out, it took time for it to really sink in. If I had heard about such trans people early on I probably would have figured myself out as a kid, certainly no later than as a teen.

I know this is an old post, but it really resonated with me. I'm 29 and didn't realize I was trans until a week ago.

 

The dysphoria has always been there (bottom dysphoria, in particular). I also hate my chest...but I don't know if that's more related to trauma than dysphoria. Possibly both? This is all still very new to me. And I guess that's where my barriers lie. Self-doubt. I'm never sure of myself. But what makes me sure of this is the fact that I feel empowered by the realization. I feel like a new man...because that's precisely what I am. Once I can start presenting as such without judgement, then I'll be much better off.