Was my son born with "Gender confusion"?

[Concerned father]

Hello guys, I am new here, just a loving father trying to do what's best for my son and can use the help of anyone here please.

 

So let me start from the very basics. My 22 year old son Mike was born with Autism, he is high functioning and was diagnosed at age 4 with "Gender Identity Crisis" or Gender Identity Confusion as we were told. Medical people said this was caused by mis-matched hormones during pregnancy and that kids with this diagnosis can be anywhere between male and female during their lifetime. Can me totally male at one point then totally female at another then at another anywhere in between, is this all accurate please?

[Jackie C.]

It's not that cut and dried, but there's a high correlation between being autistic and being trans. I'm on the spectrum and should have figured out in the 70s that I was trans. In my defense, I was three and I didn't learn that trans was anything except a punchline until I was in my 20s.

 

What you're describing sounds like being genderfluid. A genderfluid individual can feel male, female both or neither. Not something that I personally experience, but I have friends who do. They generally appreciate when you recognize their gender expression when you're spending time with them.

 

Honestly, the cause isn't all that important. The thing that is important is that you support and love your child no matter who they turn out to be.

 

Hugs!

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Concerned Father,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

I'm afraid nobody really knows for sure what causes someone to be transgender. There are a number of ideas out there, but nothing definitive for all cases. It seems most likely there are different causes for different people.

 

As far as where on the gender spectrum your son falls, that can be a tough one to pin down. A gender therapist can prove helpful here. I wish the best to you and your son.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

[VickySGV]

The descriptions are badly dated and a little off the mark.  Confusion is not in the feelings and identity of the person, even though they appear to be that way to people who think only in a one-or-the-other idea of gender being male or female. The individual knows how they feel at any one time over a wide spectrum or rather within a multidimensional matrix of feelings and behaviors.  It is becoming clearer that this is caused by perfectly normal, possible, settings on developing cells in a fetus that give forth a unique and wonderful individual who is different from what is expected but still a potential person of the type that will help make their families and communities good and enjoyable places.  When this is seen as sickness or ill health as the two therapists seem to have though, it does become a burden of worry for people who simply are not used to those behaviors which to the individual are their life.  Getting used to the idea the fluidity is going to happen and that it is an asset to all your lives if you give into LOVE for your different and still awesome child.

[Concerned father]

Thanks for your responses all, I appreciate it. I will create another thread now on safety issues just to keep things uniformed and so will know exactly which thread I can go back to whenever needed for any particular situation.

[Heather Shay]

I see you got replies from the best of the best.

[Delcina B]

Welcome! Thank you so much for caring about your child, not all are as fortunate. I don't have any knowledge about the diagnosis realm, so far my therapist has been a blessing in that area. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & answers here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[Yui]

This is a pretty similar situation i find myself in. I am also on the autism spectrum and high functioning. I only started having questions after puberty started but other than that this sounds familiar and as far as i know these feelings can come at any age.

[Betty K]

Hi @Concerned father, I just want to reiterate Vicki’s point because I think it’s crucially important. These days a good doctor would not pathologise your son’s condition. It does still happen, but it shouldn’t. Your son sounds like simply one of many people who fall under the transgender umbrella. I suggest you celebrate his difference. That is what I am learning to do w/r/t my own gender, and I can tell you from experience it feels a whole lot better than presuming I am deficient.

 

Trans is beautiful.