Change of plans (looking for advice)

[WillowA113]

So as some of you might know, my parents changed their minds about me transitioning when I’m 18. The new rule is that I have to move out and live on my own in order to transition. I had every step of my transition planned out and they threw a wrench in those plans so now I have to work out a new plan. 
I have two plans. Both have pros and cons and the bad thing is I don’t know if either of them will work. But I need to try something. Maybe you guys can help me figure out the best course of action. So here they are: 

 

Plan A: 

My aunt and uncle are very accepting so

I could move in with them. I stayed at their place for a few days one time and they liked me there and wished it could last longer and I did too. 
There is a few problems with that plan, though. There are no spare rooms. That wouldn’t bother me because id be willing to sleep on the couch, garage, floor, backyard, car, whatever. But it might bother them. Both my cousins are in their 20s so there’s a chance one of them might’ve moved out by the time im 18 but its possible they’ll both still be living there. 
The other problem is my aunt has health problems. Although that just gives me another reason to want to live there. Its not just about me but for her too. I want to help her. If I lived there id get another job just to support her and her family. 
 

Plan B: 
My parents plan on moving to Missouri in summer of 2023. I was thinking maybe I could convince them to not sell the house and let me stay there. Im not an expert on houses as I’ve never owned one but plenty of you guys have so maybe you can inform me if this is even possible or not. Even if it is possible they might say no and sell it.

Its a very big house. Too big for just me. I might invite some friends and/or cousins to be roommates. They could help pay the bills. Im sure some people would be into that as im pretty sure paying those bills is probably better than paying rent. 
I know for sure I don't want to go with them to Missouri. LGBTQ+ rights are terrible there. Arizona isn’t the best but Missouri is so much worse. I cant go there. 
 

I guess there could be a bonus plan C in which I get my own place but id only be 18 and owning my own place would be hard especially nowadays. Im not sure if I could do it. And even if I could, the cost of living would be so much it would take a super long time to even start my transition making it barely worth it.
 

So yeah, those are my plans. None of them are 100% achievable, but then again, life is all about crossing your fingers and taking risks, isn’t it?
Everyone else on here is a lot more experienced than me in these things so if anyone has any advice id appreciate it!  

[Carolyn Marie]

Well, Plan A sounds like the easiest to make a reality, with the least amount of stress and financial issues.  If you could afford to buy a small bed that would make it easier for you and them, and if you could pay something towards your room and board that should make your aunt and uncle happier to have you stay with them, and would ease any guilt you might feel for complicating their lives.

 

Plan C doesn't seem like a great idea to me, and I doubt your parents would go for it.  I would have had major issues with letting my son take care of our house when he was 18, even for a month! 

 

Good luck with your decision, Willow.

 

Carolyn Marie

[WillowA113]

9 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Well, Plan A sounds like the easiest to make a reality, with the least amount of stress and financial issues.  If you could afford to buy a small bed that would make it easier for you and them, and if you could pay something towards your room and board that should make your aunt and uncle happier to have you stay with them, and would ease any guilt you might feel for complicating their lives.

 

Plan C doesn't seem like a great idea to me, and I doubt your parents would go for it.  I would have had major issues with letting my son take care of our house when he was 18, even for a month! 

 

Good luck with your decision, Willow.

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you. I doubt they would leave the house to me because they would probably sell it and use that money for the new house. 
I am definitely leaning toward plan a

[WillowA113]

My parents keep ruining my plans! 
They ruined plan A so i came up with a plan B. Now they're trying to ruin plan B and I don't have a plan C!!!

They want to move to Missouri before I turn 18 

If they move there when I'm 18 that's ok because I can stay in Arizona. Im 17 and if we go there in a few months I'd be forced to come along 
Missouri is one of the last states a want to live in 

And I might get forced to 
That will ruin plan b 

And I don't know what my next play could possibly be 

They're ruining my life 
It might as well be over now 

They asked me why I don't want to live in Missouri but I can't tell them it's because of my transition plans because that would make them want to go more. So I just yelled "I don't want to go" and "don't make me go" over and over. 
Im scared 

Even if I can get my own house in Missouri it's not like I can transition. It's one of the hardest states to transition in 
Im much better off here in Arizona 

They're ruining it!!
Don't fix what ain't broken 

Im just crossing my fingers and praying things don't get worse 
Tho I don't know how it even could 

Apparently there’s a 90% chance we’ll move to Missouri in the next few months. I don’t know how to convince them to stay or at least let me stay.
And my parents are bribing my siblings with the prospect of a new dog if we move there. Normally I’d be ecstatic to get another pet, but not at the cost of my transition. It’s not worth it. 
I just don’t know what to do. 
It feels like my life is over and it’s nearly impossible to start it again.  
It feels terrible 

[WillowA113]

Look how angry my cat is 
She's siding with me. She doesn't want to go to Missouri either. She wants to stay right here in Arizona! 

 

[Zelaire]

God, I’m sorry, Willow. This really sounds like a hard situation for you. What comes to mind, though, is that you’re less than a year away from being legally an adult, and even if you need to rely on your parents for a few years more after you turn 18, it’s still just a drop in the long winding river of your life. I’m still figuring myself out, and some days I think about how much of my life is “gone” and how it feels like time is “running out”… but then I hear from the people who really understand, like my therapists, the people on this forum, and others who have walked this walk a lot longer than me, and they all say: “Take your time. It’s a long journey, and it’s never really over. There’s no rush.”

So Missouri may suck rocks, and it may hurt to feel like you’re under your parents’ thumbs, but if it gives you the time you need to build up your savings and bide your time until you’re legally and financially able to strike out on your own, maybe that’s the best play in the long game.

Either way, I think you have a lot of support here. ❤️

[Heather Nicole]

I'm very, very sorry about your ongoing difficulties with parental-units ☹️

 

Do you have college plans? I know extra delays suck (ugh, tell me about it!!!), but at the very least, maybe you can get into a college in a better state? Then you could get a dorm, start transition then, maybe find some intern programs while your there to help you land enough of a career when you graduate to afford your own apartment/housing? Or maybe just commute to college from your aunt/uncle's place until you find your footing financially?

 

Of course, I understand (all too well) that isn't always as simple these days as it (apparently?) used to be, but maybe there's something along those lines that could help?

[WillowA113]

Thanks both of you for your advice. 
@Zelaire Had some good points. Waiting is okay but I’d rather wait in a better state. There’s still a small chance they could change their mind so fingers crossed 🤞 

@Heather Nicole’s college idea is also good but college is expensive and it might put a buffer on my transition. 
My friend suggested I could pack my bags and hop in a bus to my aunt and uncle’s house when I’m 18. That wouldn’t be so bad just inconvenient. 

[WillowA113]

I decided if we do move to Missouri it won’t be so bad after all. When I turn 18 I can just pack my things and take a bus back to AZ. Still, I’m going to keep fighting to stay. I’m not sure if it’s even possible though. I’m the only one who doesn’t want to move. And I’m hearing the chances of moving there have gone from 90% to 99%! Still, I’m not as pessimistic as before. Like I said going back shouldn’t be too hard when I turn 18. 
Besides I shouldn’t be pessimistic. I prayed to 8 gods and goddesses last night and I will keep doing so. I’m letting them know it’s in my best interest not to move. And they do know what’s best for me. If I end up having to move to Missouri, it’s because the gods want me to and living there is my fate and it will all be for the greater gold. I might not understand it or like it, but I’ll accept it as something that is meant to happen. I’ll still keep voicing my opinion to my parents and praying about it but I’m starting to think this is going to happen. 
Recently I’ve also started to look at the bright side of Missouri. It’s a pretty state, and the houses we’ve looked at are pretty nice. We would get a dog if we move there. We’re going to live near Kansas City (yes it’s named after another state but it’s still a city in Missouri) and that’s a city that has a lot of pagans and witches. I’m thinking if I end up going there, that could be why the gods want me there. Maybe im meant to live there because there’s where I’ll find my coven. Maybe. 
Either way, I still feel Arizona is better for me right now, but looking at the silver lining can’t hurt! Besides living there doesn’t even have to be permanent if I don’t want it to be! 
And like @Heather Nicolesaid, transitioning there is possible and I can do college.