Dating as a transgender women

[LifeExpPerson]

Hi everyone just a question about dating while transitioning or transistioned. I found heeps of social media posts and videos saying how hard it is to find a man or a woman to accept them. Then I see posts about how men love them too.

 

I am confused, what is it really like for an M to F transgender woman to find partners? Are cis-lesbians ok with transgender women? what are your experiences? 

Also, if interested in men, what kind of experiences have you had with dating men? 

 

I know an ex-gf who was a transgender woman who got a bf almost straight away after me. Do you think she was just lucky? she was attractive. So I assumed it was not all that hard, but then I see posts on social media saying how hard it is and they all run away. 

 

What are some experiences you've had in real life as a transgender woman? with a man or a woman partner/dating

Thank you

[KathyLauren]

Hello, @LifeExpPerson.  Welcome!

 

I don't have experience in dating as a trans person, so I am probably not going to be much help.  I did want to welcome you to TransPulse.

 

The lesbians I know are fine with trans people, but whether they would want to date one, I don't know.  I do know that there are some lesbians who are not fine with trans people.

 

As for men, well I don't swing that way.  But I think it would be wise to approach them with extreme caution.  There are many men who see trans woman as a kinky fetish rather than as real human beings.  And a few see us as disposable kinky fetishes.  Be careful!

 

Regards,

Kathy

[stveee]

I am finding femme t4t is more common than I realized, probably just because of the common ground. It really depends on if you are looking for a hookup, something LTR or just as friends. 

 

Dating is really a case by case basis for me. I don't paint people a certain way or other unless they give me reason to. Dating women feels more open-ended than I feel dating men, who I feel more often than not it's just for a one-time hookup. I am not sexually attracted to men, but I have a couple male friends I trust.

The best bet is to join an organization or club and network and meet others on a very casual basis where there is no pressure and you can see people unscripted. 

 

 

 

[Red_Lauren.]

I live in a small town. While im bi sexual. Its been super hard finding any one. Male or female. The men only want me because I'm a fetish to them, and what bi females I have found. They are either married, or want my for a fetish. 

 

I tired online dating, but that was full of scammers, and time wasters. My friends did say to keep a door open though. Just as I was about to close that door. I got a message from a woman a few hours away. I looked at her pictures, and she seemed normal looking. When compared to the scammers. Like every thing was covered, and she wasn't wearing make-up. 

 

Any way I took a chance with her. Not even knowing she was real or not. I saw she was a lesbian, and after a few days of talking. I told her I was trans. Which shocked the hell out of her. We started off super slow. Probably because I was super hard on her to Prove who she was. We eventually video chatted around a month ago. Her and my relationship changed 100% that day. We both became more open. I'll admit I was holding back. Till I knew she was real, and I think she was to. Even though she still won't admit it.

 

We have been talking for almost two months now. We have talked a lot about how she feels about what I have, and we're both know there is a hard limit on that. I'm totally fine with it. We're both grown adults. We know there is more to sex then just normal sex. 

 

While we haven't met yet. Because of things out of our control. Whats in my pants dosn't come up any more. I would say at this point. We know eachother pretty well. Maybe not perfect, but I would say we know eachother better. Then I knew my ex in the same time, and we were seeing eachother every weekend..

[Kasumi63]

Note: I'm a straight transgender woman, looking for a boyfriend and future husband!

 

I live overseas and am older, so it's probably more difficult for me, but I mostly feel lost at sea. I've had a few first dates but not any second dates. That will be a nice achievement (?!) for me. I mostly have been using the dating apps, Tinder and My Pairs (a Japanese app), so maybe that's the problem. I've met a few guys I like at a snack bar I go to, but no one has asked me out. To summarize, I guess I'm just starting off on my dating adventures. I'll follow here for more advice. I'm thinking I might try joining some Meetups. Maybe that will help. Good luck to all of you in your dating adventures!

[ladykirabellum]

On 8/12/2022 at 1:00 AM, LifeExpPerson said:

Hi everyone just a question about dating while transitioning or transistioned. I found heeps of social media posts and videos saying how hard it is to find a man or a woman to accept them. Then I see posts about how men love them too.

 

I am confused, what is it really like for an M to F transgender woman to find partners? Are cis-lesbians ok with transgender women? what are your experiences? 

Also, if interested in men, what kind of experiences have you had with dating men? 

 

I know an ex-gf who was a transgender woman who got a bf almost straight away after me. Do you think she was just lucky? she was attractive. So I assumed it was not all that hard, but then I see posts on social media saying how hard it is and they all run away. 

 

What are some experiences you've had in real life as a transgender woman? with a man or a woman partner/dating

Thank you

I can only speak from personal experience, but I find that it sucks.  Ever since my divorce, taking that deep dive into transitioning, and being still attracted to women I am finding that dating is completely different from when I was younger.  Dating apps are full of bots and scammers.  If you do happen upon a genuine person on them, they turn out to be flakes.  Ever since the lock downs, in person meeting is just as abysmal.  To get a little background on me, I do not pass.  My voice is the same as it was before I started HRT.  I look like a guy still.  Plus I am overweight.  I knew it would be difficult but not darn near impossible to find a person to be with.  So that has been my experience.  

[gemmalouise]

I consider myself entirely lucky.  I met a guy at work lets call him Muggle (not of our magical world), and we became great friends walking round during lunch time chatting all the time.  I was in early transition at the time and he was newly divorced.  I ended up leaving that company and later dating a trans woman.  After that relationship ended, about two years of never having seen Muggle (Oh the irony of that name), I went to test ride a motorbike I thought I'll pop round Muggles house and ask his opinion on it.  We got chatting and decided to house share as we both needed a new place.  We moved in and the first night became romantic.  I was stunned I had no idea he felt that way, although I mad missed him immensely having left.  over a decade later we are still a loving couple and married*. 

 

It happened to me when I least expected it, but it all started with friendship,a motorcycle, and a line which was bravely crossed.

 

Have a great life LifeExpPerson whatever path you follow.

[Red_Lauren.]

On 8/21/2023 at 10:29 PM, ladykirabellum said:

I can only speak from personal experience, but I find that it sucks.  Ever since my divorce, taking that deep dive into transitioning, and being still attracted to women I am finding that dating is completely different from when I was younger.  Dating apps are full of bots and scammers.  If you do happen upon a genuine person on them, they turn out to be flakes.  Ever since the lock downs, in person meeting is just as abysmal.  To get a little background on me, I do not pass.  My voice is the same as it was before I started HRT.  I look like a guy still.  Plus I am overweight.  I knew it would be difficult but not darn near impossible to find a person to be with.  So that has been my experience.  

Heck I pass 95% of the time. Even though my voice is still deeper then most females. I have giant boobs, and a great butt from what I have heard. My down fall is I'm fat, and still have a penis. It also don't help I live in a small city. 

 

You are right about online dating though. It's hosntly Nothing but scammers and bots. I don't even waste time on dating apps any more, or even dating.

[ladykirabellum]

On 8/30/2023 at 3:16 AM, Red_Lauren. said:

Heck I pass 95% of the time. Even though my voice is still deeper then most females. I have giant boobs, and a great butt from what I have heard. My down fall is I'm fat, and still have a penis. It also don't help I live in a small city. 

 

You are right about online dating though. It's hosntly Nothing but scammers and bots. I don't even waste time on dating apps any more, or even dating.

To me, your listed downfalls, are not downfalls.  Living in a small city does have its disadvantages, no lie.  

I would settle for a FWB situtaion at this point but finding that is a pain too.  I don't blame you at all, girl.

[Red_Lauren.]

12 hours ago, ladykirabellum said:

To me, your listed downfalls, are not downfalls.  Living in a small city does have its disadvantages, no lie.  

I would settle for a FWB situtaion at this point but finding that is a pain too.  I don't blame you at all, girl.

Yea the small city has been my down fall when it comes to dating. Considering I'm very munch been working with the public since my transition, and blend in socially. Even people that I meet for dating. Don't know im trans till I tell them. 

 

I have tried to have fwb, but yea it never works out. Guys expect me on call pretty munch. When I need a few days notice. I have one friend. Who we started off as friends, snd I call her my sister from another mister, my ride or die etc. We are also adult's, and things happen some times. 

 

She has told me she loves men, and dates manly men, and have had a few flings with woman in college, but vagina weirded her out. So she's not straight, or gay enough to be into woman either. Since I'm the best of both worlds her words. She's ok with me. 

 

 

 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Two of my friends are MtF trans.  They've had a terrible time trying to date locally, even with a reasonably sized city close  by with a university.  Finding a BF just hasn't worked out for them, and I set one of my friends up with a girl a while back and that didn't work either.  The lesbians I know tend to prefer cis girls.  And the guys don't really seem to want an actual relationship, just sex.  And even for that purpose, the guys haven't been useful.  I've been surprised by this, because both of my friends are young, pass almost perfectly, are super cute, and have cool personalities.  For whatever reason, it hasn't been enough.  At the moment my friends are new to each other, but I suspect there's a growing affection there that can turn into a relationship.  I'm hopeful, anyways.  

[Ashley0616]

Well there are definitely men out there interested in trans women but they didn't care to get to me, they wanted to use me for my money and liars. I couldn't tell you how many men I talked to on my Instagram account. I'm talking to someone for now and we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't. I won't let my happiness be dictated another person. You should look to them as icing on the cake. You can be a strong independent woman and that alone might even make you more attractive to others. 

[Birdie]

Finding a date seems to be fairly easy. Finding one that 'isn't' married, or wants a relationship is where the problem arises. 

 

I could date every weekend if I wanted to, but they would all be one nighters. 

 

It seems that finding commitment is where the problem arises. Men just don't seem willing to tie themselves down with me. 

[Betty K]

I'm 50 years old, live in a medium-sized city and have used dating apps on and off for a few years.

 

I am only interested in men. I used to be only into women when I thought I was a cis man, but that's another story. The point is I'm relatively new to this and have never had a relationship with a man.

 

At first I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted to experiment. Dating apps were perfect for that. I was never short of guys willing to take me up on the offer, even though I don't pass. Every time I posted an ad I would be inundated with messages and could basically take my pick.

 

That was fun for a while, but eventually I decided I was looking for something more and would only meet guys for coffee at first to scope them out with a view to something more regular. This narrowed the field considerably, but I still went on dates, and at first I felt hopeful that someone nice would come along.

 

My impression is that there are very few guys -- especially guys my age -- who would consider dating a non-passing trans woman. They might date a passing trans woman, but only if she was living stealth or at least willing to keep her identity secret from their friends and family.

 

Then there are the guys -- the chasers -- who are totally obsessed with trans women, especially those of us with male genitals. They are creepy, treat us like objects and fetishise us. I avoid them like the plague.

 

I keep hoping that someone will come along who doesn't realise he likes trans women, and he'll just like me because I'm me. But it's a big ask. I've had one encounter, when I was out dancing, with a guy who didn't seem to have a particular interest in trans women. It was nice, but I never heard from him again.

 

I feel as if, at my age, I have to learn patience. I suspect the dating pool for me is very small. Sex is very easy to find, but I don't think I have much more casual sex left in me. Maybe if I was younger it wouldn't be so difficult. I certainly think younger men are more relaxed about this issue.

 

I strongly suspect only an openly queer, pan or bi man would be suitable for me to have a relationship with. Straight guys, much as they are attracted, are just too immature and closeminded w/r/t gender.