Planning for transition

[Samuel William]

So here’s where I’m at right now: I’ve spent the last year or so privately coming to terms  with my own transness. I’ve done lots of research (YouTube, Internet forums, books), and I’ve done a lot of thinking about what being a man means to me. I’ve also signed up for online health/fitness coaching from a trans personal trainer, who was the first (and so far only) person who I’ve actually said the words ‘I’m trans’ to out loud. 
 

I’ve also reached a point where I’m realising that unless I make some concrete plans, I’m going to end up drifting in this in-between zone forever, privately knowing I’m trans but never quite taking the steps I need to take to really live as myself. One reason for this is that I’m very reluctant to be openly trans right now, as my closest relative is unlikely to be supportive (put it this way: one of her grandchildren is experimenting with gender fluidity, and her reaction was to begin reading the Abigail Shrier book ‘Irreversible Damage’). This relative is someone I’ve been close to my whole live, shares the majority of my social circle, lives literally next door….hell, her best friend owns the house I’m renting. So opening up that conversation about me being trans and wanting to live publicly as male is unlikely to be smooth or easy, and I’m just not ready for it yet. 
 

Anyway, while I’m comfortable with acknowledging that coming out right now isn’t right for me, I’m not comfortable with the idea that I might just keep on drifting and getting older and never being brave enough to take the steps I do genuinely want to take. Thus I’m in the midst of developing a 3-phase plan for myself. 
 

PHASE 1: Stuff I can do right now, that no one else needs to know about but which still constitutes genuine progress in the right direction. This includes continuing to educate myself, starting a savings plan for the surgeries I eventually want to have, researching health insurance options that may also help with surgeries and hormones, adjusting my wardrobe (it’s always been pretty masculine - it’s been nearly 30 years since the last time I wore a dress - so I don’t see this as raising any eyebrows), losing weight/gaining muscle mass, and making some changes to my house to suit my own tastes better. Another thing I’ve been thinking about is taking the opportunity to travel to places on my bucket list that I doubt I’d feel safe visiting after transitioning (top of that list is Iran, which I’ve always wanted to see). 
 

PHASE 2: More overt, but still stuff I can do without actually coming out. This includes experimenting with more masculine haircuts (again, I’ve had short hair my entire adult life, so this is a more subtle change for me than it might be for others), finding and joining some sort of trans support group, and moving house (I think a little distance is going to be necessary to keep things bearable when I do come out). 
 

PHASE 3: Coming out, legally changing my name, hormones, and surgeries. Obviously, this is a big one, but I’m hoping I will have laid enough groundwork earlier that it won’t be too overwhelming! 
 

My question is, does anyone have any further suggestions for what I should be working on in the first two stages, to make life easier in the interim and to ensure that the big ticket items at the end are less stressful? What bits of transitioning from a female body/lifestyle to a male body/lifestyle am I forgetting about? Any suggestions for subtle changes I can make straight away are particularly welcome - I want to be able to tick things off my list and see some progress!

 

Samuel

[Carolyn Marie]

Wow, Samuel, I think you've covered this really well.  I honestly can't think of too much you've left out.  One thing you could work on is male voice.  I'm not talking about pitch and tone, as those will change naturally with HRT.  I'm talking more about rhythm, pace, volume, word choices and mannerisms.  There is a huge difference in how men and women speak.  Along with that are how one stands, alone and in relation to others, the use of arms and hands, etc.  I'm sure there are many Youtube videos on it.

 

I wish you luck!

 

Carolyn marie

[Russ Fenrisson]

@Samuel WilliamWow, you really got a good plan going. You've really thought this out. I'm proud of you. For nearly six(?) years since learning what it takes to become one's self, I've thought on and off on how to do it but have never quite come to anything concrete. My plans are to at least start driving so I can get a job to sustain myself in some way. I'm a pretty crafty person, so I want to use this money to sustain my hobbies. On the side, I want to save some money to help my family out if they need help with any finances and to create a fund to see a therapist, then get the ball rolling towards HRT. It's a bit loose, but those are my plans.

 

Like @Carolyn Mariesaid, besides the subtle change in clothing and hair, it might be a good idea to look into how men generally interact in the world. Now, you can still be who you want to be, but unfortunately, some people will question if you do things you used to do but now present as male. It's really silly, but apparently crossing your legs is seen as weird if you present as male? Things like that are just a few of the things you have to consider when you socialize as male. One day, these things won't be weird, but for now, play up with social cues to see what works for you and observe how people react to you when being social in public.

 

Again, it's really awesome you have everything put forward towards transitioning. Always be mindful and if something makes you happy and it doesn't for another person, remember your happiness is what matters.