Are you living your authentic life?

[Heather Shay]

Do you think how you're living now is really you or are you on the way there or does the target seem to change over time?

[Jackie C.]

Well, I mean you never really finish becoming yourself. I think I'm on track, but you're never really done. I plan on working on improving myself until I drop dead unexpectedly on my way back from the bathroom in the dead of night. Just like my great-grandmother Mimi.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

Jackie is right that we are never finished.  But I would say that I am my authentic self.  I am no longer pretending to be something that I am not.  I didn't realize until I transitioned just how much pretending I did.  That doesn't happen any more.  I no longer live my life to please others at my own expense.  I no longer have that weight on my back.

[Davie]

Am I living my authentic life?

Perhaps, I am, if trying to is living it. Transition is a moving target that changes shapes daily. But I'm onboard the Trans Train, singing my way along—sometimes dancing red-hot disco, sometimes dancing the blues. If all colors are welcome, I'm on the way.

— Davie

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

o you think how you're living now is really you or are you on the way there or does the target seem to change over time?

Jackie is right.  Life is a process.  

I live as myself.  I don't really have to worry about what others think (except for safety concerns).  When I have complications, I deal with them as myself.  

I no longer pretend to be that guy. 

[Heather Shay]

@Jackie C. @KathyLauren and @Davie I love all your answers and am living them. Although I still have a rather large hurtle to get over to achieve my desired goal, I am controlling what I can control and somehow dealing with what I can't.

[Heather Shay]

Thumbs up @Jandi

[KymmieL]

I wish I was. I think that I would be so much  happier if I  could. 

[Guest]

I have to agree that we keep evolving. Am I where I would ideally want to be? No. I definitely could not go back to being the guy I pretended to be for all those years. I want no part of him. In that, I am free to be the best me that I can be. I keep evolving me to be the woman I have always envisioned as myself. 

[Maddee]

I’m doing everything I can.

 

to live my authentic life.  

 

to know what authentic me is

 

to act accordingly and really feel it

 

Feeling fake isnt right

 

But to sometimes fake it til make it

 

To embrace the journey 

 

 

[Davie]

Being on this thread today is like getting on a completely different bus, but finding out it's the perfect bus to take me home. Love you, sisters and brothers and otherwise! All together now—Midnight Train to Georgia in the key of C natural! I'll take the second tenor part. Go Pips!

😎  🕺  🌈 

— Davie

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I think the real me keeps developing over time....which is normal.  But for the most part, I'm free to do that.  I'm fortunate to have a life that is completely voluntary.  By which, I mean that I don't owe anything to anybody.  My employment is freelance and I spend very little, so I'm not obligated to a boss or workplace.  My partners and their kids accept me for who I am.  I do certain tasks for the family, I complete a fair bit of house chores, and I'm volunteering at the kids' school part time this year to help with art classes, but none of those are things that I'm forced to do.  

 

I get up when I want and I go to sleep when I want.  If I wake up in one of my rare snarky moods, I can be as snarky as I wish.  Nobody can fire me or tell me what I can/can't say.  Nobody can force a style of dress, a type of speech, or anything else on me.  I do as I please.  About the only things I have to do that I dislike are to pay income tax and wear a minimum amount of clothing outside the house. 

[Ticket For Epic]

Oh hell no!  Virtually every word that comes out of my mouth is a lie keep the peace or a lock on my closet.  

[miz miranda]

I would say that being authentic is more a concept, like justice or enlightenment, than a condition that can be defined. Having accepted myself for who am I; acknowledging my gifts and flaws and learning to love myself has been truly liberating. I am at peace with myself and have made changes in my life with the help of therapy and working hard so I would say I am living authentically. I can only keep on this path and make choices based on who I am.

 

I don't know if it will lead to transitioning or not. It has become a much better life and I am fully engaged in living.

[Marcie Jensen]

1 hour ago, miz miranda said:

I would say that being authentic is more a concept, like justice or enlightenment, than a condition that can be defined. Having accepted myself for who am I; acknowledging my gifts and flaws and learning to love myself has been truly liberating. I am at peace with myself and have made changes in my life with the help of therapy and working hard so I would say I am living authentically. I can only keep on this path and make choices based on who I am.

 

I  think this is a great point, in that authenticity has different meanings depending on the context. FOr example, an archaeologist who uncovers an artifact on a dig might define the object as "authentic" if it meets certain scientific criteria such as being carbon dated to the particular culture of the dig whereas a restaurant that advertises "authentic" ethnic food yet uses its own recipes for its dishes would define authentic differently. 

 

That said, accepting who we are, faults and all, and being at peace with those decisions is authentic, especially if we define "authentic" as being true to ourselves and what we believe in. Personally, that works for me, and with that definition, I am living authentically. And I recognize that in the words of an old Patty Loveless song, "Life's about changes," I'm going to change as time goes by.

[Ticket For Epic]

3 hours ago, miz miranda said:

authentic is more a concept, like justice

Interesting thought.  My head cannon is that justice is the absence of mercy and mercy is the absence of justice.  Therefore it is impossible to be both just and merciful.

 

Random and essential unrelated but I felt the need to share. 

[Marcie Jensen]

6 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Interesting thought.  My head cannon is that justice is the absence of mercy and mercy is the absence of justice.  Therefore it is impossible to be both just and merciful.

 

Random and essential unrelated but I felt the need to share. 

Interesting viewpoint. However, I must respectfully point out the following passage from the Old Testament. Specifically Micah 6:8:

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To do justly,love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (NIV translation)

 

The point here is that the concept of being both just and merciful is literally thousands of years old. It isn't to promote any religion. In fact, the concept transcends any faith and is echoed in numerous philosophies. And, it's something we should all strive for; whether we can achieve it or not.

[Mx.Drago]

I believe I'm my authentic self 24/7, it's just my outer parts don't match the inner parts yet. It's very much still a work in progress sort of situation.

[Susan R]

Yes, I believe I’m living authentically. I have no suppressed secrets, no denial of where I’ve been or where I am now. I have no regrets about any of the physical, behavioral, social, presentation, or role changes I’ve made to date.

[DeeDee]

I'm close but I'm not there. It's kind of like I'm in the process of moving house.

I'm packing up everything I want to keep and trying to sort through the jumble, while I wait for the house sale to go through.

Problem is that while I love the area I want to go to and having thought about it for ages I would love to spend all my time there, I can't do more than just hang around until I can get out of my old place.

 

(basically I'm just waiting on finding somewhere to work, the moving analogy is literal too, as once I find somewhere to go I'll be full time) 🤞

[Russ Fenrisson]

Hmm, I'm not sure what is authentic for me. As a few others have said, I think my concept of an authentic 'me' is always changing. It has a fluidity.

 

What goes on in my head often only stays there as it is hard to apply to reality. What with the ever-changing climate and the different people you meet from day-to-day, true authenticity, at least for me, is hard to achieve. I work with what I have and try to mold it into something that is at least satisfying to me.

 

I think my true authentic self is always wandering, always observing the world around me. No house, no root, just wandering. Often by foot, sometimes on bus, other times by bike (I'm fond of motorcycles but, for some reason, any form of motorized transportation freaks me out). I want to know and see things but quenched knowledge is impossible.

 

I'd say, nowadays, I'm half-way there, but how I view and see myself is constantly changing.

[Zelaire]

Thought I’d jump in this thread to share something a friend shared with me recently about authenticity.

 

For myself, I’m much more authentic in certain aspects than I was earlier in life. For example, I don’t hide my geeky interests or creative passions the way I once did, such as when I used to think I had to appear more “professional” at work, or less “weird” to the judgemental jerks of the world. And I’ve cultivated a career, a circle of friends, and family relationships in which nobody expects me to be overtly masculine; it’s known and accepted I’m emotionally sensitive and not especially aggressive, for example. Not into sports, either. 😅 BUT I’m DEFINITELY not otherwise living authentically in regard to my growing understanding of my own gender identity. (I know what you mean by locks on the closet, @Ticket For Epic), and one of my struggles in my gender questioning has been to understand what it means to be “authentic,” and why authenticity matters.

 

So, I finally worked up the courage to come out to a long-time friend of mine who herself has been out as a lesbian for multiple decades. I figured if any of my friends could understand the struggle, it would be her, and I was right. She was wonderfully supportive and wise. When I brought up my questions about authenticity, she said that people who “demand” of us to live our authentic lives are frustrating to her, because she thinks they oversimplify a complex matter. She shared that even she, who came out ages ago and tends to wear her opinions front and center, sometimes feels uncomfortable doing something as simple as holding hands with her wife in public. She fears the reactions they might get, and she’s still working to overcome that. Her point was that authenticity is a journey and (recalling what @Jackie C. said way up above) it’s never complete. She also said that the best advice she could offer about being more authentic is to build a circle of friends you can trust to support you. Knowing you can be yourself with them even if you can’t yet with the world at large makes a core of strength.

 

I took all that to heart. And I’m still figuring out this “authenticity” thing… 😅 Very inspired by so many of you here!

[Guest]

On 8/15/2022 at 1:12 PM, KathyLauren said:

"I am no longer pretending to be something that I am not.  I didn't realize until I transitioned just how much pretending I did.  That doesn't happen any more.  I no longer live my life to please others at my own expense.  I no longer have that weight on my back."

No truer words. I feel the exact same way. 

-Katie

[Davie]

"I am no longer pretending to be something that I am not.  I didn't realize until I transitioned just how much pretending I did.  That doesn't happen any more.  I no longer live my life to please others at my own expense.  I no longer have that weight on my back."

 

Yes. I've stopped pretending about all types of things even beyond gender—I'm just more open about evertthing. And my best friends seem more so too. Yesterday I told two of my male cis friends I was going on an Audubon hike with my trans group. They asked to come along. I said: "Sure, but you'll have to look trans." One second they looked appalled, the next they were competing with each other to outline which dress they'd wear with what hat and shoes—and wigs! So funny!

Totally good natured, if a little stereotypical, but liberated, open.

— Davie

[Russ Fenrisson]

@ZelaireYour friend gives such good advice. As long as you have other people who are okay with you, or even a safe space-with just you, if that's the case- then you can live your life as authentically as possible. And this thing about "demanding" everyone to live their authentic lives, I can understand your friend's frustration. I've heard someone say the same thing once about living your life no matter what other people think. That's the thing: you may feel good about it, but there's always someone else who won't honor it. Really, in order to be authentic in the real world is to do so safely and ambiguously so as not to draw the ire of others. Perhaps this is due to my outlook on the world, but as of right now, it can be tough to be who you want to be. Unconsciously, there are still things done that make it hard to move forward.