Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Are you living your authentic life?


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

Do you think how you're living now is really you or are you on the way there or does the target seem to change over time?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, I mean you never really finish becoming yourself. I think I'm on track, but you're never really done. I plan on working on improving myself until I drop dead unexpectedly on my way back from the bathroom in the dead of night. Just like my great-grandmother Mimi.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Jackie is right that we are never finished.  But I would say that I am my authentic self.  I am no longer pretending to be something that I am not.  I didn't realize until I transitioned just how much pretending I did.  That doesn't happen any more.  I no longer live my life to please others at my own expense.  I no longer have that weight on my back.

Link to comment

Am I living my authentic life?

Perhaps, I am, if trying to is living it. Transition is a moving target that changes shapes daily. But I'm onboard the Trans Train, singing my way along—sometimes dancing red-hot disco, sometimes dancing the blues. If all colors are welcome, I'm on the way.

— Davie

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

o you think how you're living now is really you or are you on the way there or does the target seem to change over time?

Jackie is right.  Life is a process.  

I live as myself.  I don't really have to worry about what others think (except for safety concerns).  When I have complications, I deal with them as myself.  

I no longer pretend to be that guy. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Jackie C. @KathyLauren and @Davie I love all your answers and am living them. Although I still have a rather large hurtle to get over to achieve my desired goal, I am controlling what I can control and somehow dealing with what I can't.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I wish I was. I think that I would be so much  happier if I  could. 

Link to comment

I have to agree that we keep evolving. Am I where I would ideally want to be? No. I definitely could not go back to being the guy I pretended to be for all those years. I want no part of him. In that, I am free to be the best me that I can be. I keep evolving me to be the woman I have always envisioned as myself. 

Link to comment

I’m doing everything I can.

 

to live my authentic life.  

 

to know what authentic me is

 

to act accordingly and really feel it

 

Feeling fake isnt right

 

But to sometimes fake it til make it

 

To embrace the journey 

 

 

Link to comment

Being on this thread today is like getting on a completely different bus, but finding out it's the perfect bus to take me home. Love you, sisters and brothers and otherwise! All together now—Midnight Train to Georgia in the key of C natural! I'll take the second tenor part. Go Pips!

😎  🕺  🌈 

— Davie

Link to comment

I think the real me keeps developing over time....which is normal.  But for the most part, I'm free to do that.  I'm fortunate to have a life that is completely voluntary.  By which, I mean that I don't owe anything to anybody.  My employment is freelance and I spend very little, so I'm not obligated to a boss or workplace.  My partners and their kids accept me for who I am.  I do certain tasks for the family, I complete a fair bit of house chores, and I'm volunteering at the kids' school part time this year to help with art classes, but none of those are things that I'm forced to do.  

 

I get up when I want and I go to sleep when I want.  If I wake up in one of my rare snarky moods, I can be as snarky as I wish.  Nobody can fire me or tell me what I can/can't say.  Nobody can force a style of dress, a type of speech, or anything else on me.  I do as I please.  About the only things I have to do that I dislike are to pay income tax and wear a minimum amount of clothing outside the house. 

Link to comment

Oh hell no!  Virtually every word that comes out of my mouth is a lie keep the peace or a lock on my closet.  

Link to comment

I would say that being authentic is more a concept, like justice or enlightenment, than a condition that can be defined. Having accepted myself for who am I; acknowledging my gifts and flaws and learning to love myself has been truly liberating. I am at peace with myself and have made changes in my life with the help of therapy and working hard so I would say I am living authentically. I can only keep on this path and make choices based on who I am.

 

I don't know if it will lead to transitioning or not. It has become a much better life and I am fully engaged in living.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, miz miranda said:

I would say that being authentic is more a concept, like justice or enlightenment, than a condition that can be defined. Having accepted myself for who am I; acknowledging my gifts and flaws and learning to love myself has been truly liberating. I am at peace with myself and have made changes in my life with the help of therapy and working hard so I would say I am living authentically. I can only keep on this path and make choices based on who I am.

 

I  think this is a great point, in that authenticity has different meanings depending on the context. FOr example, an archaeologist who uncovers an artifact on a dig might define the object as "authentic" if it meets certain scientific criteria such as being carbon dated to the particular culture of the dig whereas a restaurant that advertises "authentic" ethnic food yet uses its own recipes for its dishes would define authentic differently. 

 

That said, accepting who we are, faults and all, and being at peace with those decisions is authentic, especially if we define "authentic" as being true to ourselves and what we believe in. Personally, that works for me, and with that definition, I am living authentically. And I recognize that in the words of an old Patty Loveless song, "Life's about changes," I'm going to change as time goes by.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, miz miranda said:

authentic is more a concept, like justice

Interesting thought.  My head cannon is that justice is the absence of mercy and mercy is the absence of justice.  Therefore it is impossible to be both just and merciful.

 

Random and essential unrelated but I felt the need to share. 

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Interesting thought.  My head cannon is that justice is the absence of mercy and mercy is the absence of justice.  Therefore it is impossible to be both just and merciful.

 

Random and essential unrelated but I felt the need to share. 

Interesting viewpoint. However, I must respectfully point out the following passage from the Old Testament. Specifically Micah 6:8:

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To do justly,love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (NIV translation)

 

The point here is that the concept of being both just and merciful is literally thousands of years old. It isn't to promote any religion. In fact, the concept transcends any faith and is echoed in numerous philosophies. And, it's something we should all strive for; whether we can achieve it or not.

Link to comment

I believe I'm my authentic self 24/7, it's just my outer parts don't match the inner parts yet. It's very much still a work in progress sort of situation.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes, I believe I’m living authentically. I have no suppressed secrets, no denial of where I’ve been or where I am now. I have no regrets about any of the physical, behavioral, social, presentation, or role changes I’ve made to date.

Link to comment

I'm close but I'm not there. It's kind of like I'm in the process of moving house.

I'm packing up everything I want to keep and trying to sort through the jumble, while I wait for the house sale to go through.

Problem is that while I love the area I want to go to and having thought about it for ages I would love to spend all my time there, I can't do more than just hang around until I can get out of my old place.

 

(basically I'm just waiting on finding somewhere to work, the moving analogy is literal too, as once I find somewhere to go I'll be full time) 🤞

Link to comment

Hmm, I'm not sure what is authentic for me. As a few others have said, I think my concept of an authentic 'me' is always changing. It has a fluidity.

 

What goes on in my head often only stays there as it is hard to apply to reality. What with the ever-changing climate and the different people you meet from day-to-day, true authenticity, at least for me, is hard to achieve. I work with what I have and try to mold it into something that is at least satisfying to me.

 

I think my true authentic self is always wandering, always observing the world around me. No house, no root, just wandering. Often by foot, sometimes on bus, other times by bike (I'm fond of motorcycles but, for some reason, any form of motorized transportation freaks me out). I want to know and see things but quenched knowledge is impossible.

 

I'd say, nowadays, I'm half-way there, but how I view and see myself is constantly changing.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Thought I’d jump in this thread to share something a friend shared with me recently about authenticity.

 

For myself, I’m much more authentic in certain aspects than I was earlier in life. For example, I don’t hide my geeky interests or creative passions the way I once did, such as when I used to think I had to appear more “professional” at work, or less “weird” to the judgemental jerks of the world. And I’ve cultivated a career, a circle of friends, and family relationships in which nobody expects me to be overtly masculine; it’s known and accepted I’m emotionally sensitive and not especially aggressive, for example. Not into sports, either. 😅 BUT I’m DEFINITELY not otherwise living authentically in regard to my growing understanding of my own gender identity. (I know what you mean by locks on the closet, @Ticket For Epic), and one of my struggles in my gender questioning has been to understand what it means to be “authentic,” and why authenticity matters.

 

So, I finally worked up the courage to come out to a long-time friend of mine who herself has been out as a lesbian for multiple decades. I figured if any of my friends could understand the struggle, it would be her, and I was right. She was wonderfully supportive and wise. When I brought up my questions about authenticity, she said that people who “demand” of us to live our authentic lives are frustrating to her, because she thinks they oversimplify a complex matter. She shared that even she, who came out ages ago and tends to wear her opinions front and center, sometimes feels uncomfortable doing something as simple as holding hands with her wife in public. She fears the reactions they might get, and she’s still working to overcome that. Her point was that authenticity is a journey and (recalling what @Jackie C. said way up above) it’s never complete. She also said that the best advice she could offer about being more authentic is to build a circle of friends you can trust to support you. Knowing you can be yourself with them even if you can’t yet with the world at large makes a core of strength.

 

I took all that to heart. And I’m still figuring out this “authenticity” thing… 😅 Very inspired by so many of you here!

Link to comment
On 8/15/2022 at 1:12 PM, KathyLauren said:

"I am no longer pretending to be something that I am not.  I didn't realize until I transitioned just how much pretending I did.  That doesn't happen any more.  I no longer live my life to please others at my own expense.  I no longer have that weight on my back."

No truer words. I feel the exact same way. 

-Katie

Link to comment

"I am no longer pretending to be something that I am not.  I didn't realize until I transitioned just how much pretending I did.  That doesn't happen any more.  I no longer live my life to please others at my own expense.  I no longer have that weight on my back."

 

Yes. I've stopped pretending about all types of things even beyond gender—I'm just more open about evertthing. And my best friends seem more so too. Yesterday I told two of my male cis friends I was going on an Audubon hike with my trans group. They asked to come along. I said: "Sure, but you'll have to look trans." One second they looked appalled, the next they were competing with each other to outline which dress they'd wear with what hat and shoes—and wigs! So funny!

Totally good natured, if a little stereotypical, but liberated, open.

— Davie

Link to comment

@ZelaireYour friend gives such good advice. As long as you have other people who are okay with you, or even a safe space-with just you, if that's the case- then you can live your life as authentically as possible. And this thing about "demanding" everyone to live their authentic lives, I can understand your friend's frustration. I've heard someone say the same thing once about living your life no matter what other people think. That's the thing: you may feel good about it, but there's always someone else who won't honor it. Really, in order to be authentic in the real world is to do so safely and ambiguously so as not to draw the ire of others. Perhaps this is due to my outlook on the world, but as of right now, it can be tough to be who you want to be. Unconsciously, there are still things done that make it hard to move forward.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 74 Guests (See full list)

    • FelixThePickleMan
    • Penrose-Pauling
    • Birdie
    • ka.mayu
    • Thea
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,065
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Cynthia Slowan
    Newest Member
    Cynthia Slowan
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ay-la
      Ay-la
      (51 years old)
    2. Camille
      Camille
      (48 years old)
    3. Dressupdoll
      Dressupdoll
      (57 years old)
    4. iliya
      iliya
      (37 years old)
    5. KaylaH
      KaylaH
      (48 years old)
  • Posts

    • Penrose-Pauling
      Doubt it, most people against the T are also against the LGB, I am bi and it all seems to intersect one way or another. Trans people are "new" in the eyes of the public so its just a weird thing for them all.
    • Penrose-Pauling
      I have the same feeling as you. I often wish I had started HRT earlier or was on puberty blockers, maybe I could have been taller than 5'7. But there's nothing you can do about it now, that's life and as much as it sucks and seems pointless at times you have to work with what you are given. "Passing isn't the end all be all" I hear a lot but to me it is everything, as much as that may sound like an insane position It is just how I feel.   Anyway, on the topic of your mother, mine had the same sentiment and mostly still does along with my father. Im not sure how old you are but you seem to be around my age or younger, I am 17. But most families don't know how to deal with it and they will probably see you as your original gender no matter what you do. Their comments mean nothing really because in the end when adulthood rolls around you can just leave or at least have some independence from them.   I would also not compare yourself to other males, it will eat you alive. I just remind myself that I will get there, maybe I won't be the pillar of masculinity but ill pass one day. Envy is the thief of happiness or something like that.    
    • Willow
      I can never find coffee that matches good restaurants coffee.  The closest iv come so far was when I accidentally made a pot last week with less water than I had meant to use.  But that still wasn’t right.  Now I’ve heard put a little salt in with the ground coffee or add baking soda but I have no clue how much to use.   home baked pie in the local cafe is the best, but the best Key Lime pie was from a place called The Fish House in Key Largo. One thing they do differently is the topping is meringue not whipped cream. But it’s also made from real key limes.  An advantage of being in the keys.   willow
    • VickySGV
      They have unleashed the hounds toward every less than perfectly, and idealistically feminine Cis woman in the state to be sued for not looking the way a plaintiff thinks they should look. 
    • Vidanjali
      Great videos above. Thanks for sharing. Here's a favorite song.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Perfect omelette!!! 😍
    • Sally Stone
      Post 10 “My Feminine Presentation”   I have no illusions about fooling people.  It’s a pretty safe bet that most of the people I meet or interact with recognize I was not born female.  Going “stealth” just isn’t in the cards for me.  Despite this, I am usually recognized and addressed as a woman.       As an example, I recall a past shopping trip to a department store.  After finding a nice purse, I took it the checkout counter.  The store associate took my credit card, rang up my purchase, and when she handed my purchase and credit card back to me, she said: “thank you Miss Stone,” despite the fact that my credit card had my male name on it.  Clearly, she recognized I was presenting as a woman, but when I thought about it, I realized I had made it easy for her to choose the correct gender response.  The way I was dressed, the way my makeup and nails were done, ensured there was no ambiguity regarding my gender.     In fact, I can’t remember the last time somebody mis-gendered me while presenting in my feminine persona.  But that’s because putting such effort into my feminine appearance, I don’t give people much of a chance to be confused.  Occasionally, one of my trans friends will accuse me of being overdressed, and in some situations, they might be right, but in my defense, I feel the need to present in a way that supports the feminine woman inside of me.  I’m a “girly-girl” by nature, and it leads me to be overtly feminine when it comes to the fashions I choose, and why I spend so much on the details of my appearance.  I simply want my appearance to match the way I feel.   Because my girl time is limited, I always want to make the most of it. This is another key factor driving my upscale feminine presentation.  I honestly believe life is too short to wear pants and comfortable shoes.  Things might be different for me if I was living fulltime as a woman instead of only part-time.  I’m sure, for practicality’s sake, I would dress casually more often, but I know I’d still retain my penchant for a more upscale or girly-girl appearance.   Another one of my friends asked me one time if I worried that my appearance caused me to stand out.  She seemed to think it was important for me to blend in and not bring attention to myself.  I may not be typical in this regard, but I don’t actually want to blend in.  I’m proud of the effort I put into my appearance, and I like being noticed for it.  As I stated earlier, I will never be able to achieve true stealth, so for me, it seems wasted effort to try blending in.   I am comfortable with my feminine appearance, and occasional criticisms don’t bother me, but this wasn’t always the case.  For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.  Within the transgender community I kept hearing that it is more important to be comfortable and practical.  Dress casually and blend in seemed the general consensus.  Because my views were quite the opposite, I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t trans at all.  Maybe my perceptions regarding feminine appearance came from a completely different place.    The assumption I made was that instead of a “girly” feminine side driving my appearance motivations, maybe the catalyst was more akin to a fetish.  It was a sobering thought, but maybe I was in actuality, a prototypical transvestite?  For the longest time I couldn’t shake this concern, and it caused me to question everything I thought I knew about myself.  But the questioning phase, while difficult, turned out to actually be beneficial.   The first thing I questioned was why we want to blend in when we are trans, and the answer is, we have a legitimate reason for not wanting to stand out.  The second thing I questioned was whether cis women had the same concern about the need to blend in.  I think the answer is no.  In fact, there always seems to be levels of competition among women regarding their appearance, so in many instances they actually seek to stand out from their peers.    The desire to put so much effort into my appearance, while not typical for everyone, seems to be a fairly common female behavior.  Since the female half of my personality exhibits this behavior as well, I cling to the idea that just because I like to stand out doesn’t mean my motivations are fetish driven.  This was a happy epiphany for me, and it turns out the fetish concern and the questioning phase that followed, brought me to a clearer understanding of who I am.  Possessing a better understanding of why I am the way I am makes me comfortable expressing a feminine appearance that leans in a more girly-girl direction.   Ultimately, the way we choose to portray our gender identity is a personal choice.  Each of us has to be comfortable with that choice.  I’m a part-time woman, so consequently, things like GRS, HRT, or feminizing surgery aren’t the right choices for me.  Therefore, I rely on clothing, makeup, and other typically feminine fashion details to ensure I’m recognized as a woman.  I acknowledge that my choice may not be typical but it has proven to be extremely effective.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Mmindy
      I’m not a fan of Starbucks either. I love our little town cafe coffee, anytime of the day. Apple Pie is my go to treat. Today I had a wonderful omelette with my coffee.    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Ivy
      I thought this was interesting.   https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/05/06/trans-history-week/   There is a link to watch it.
    • Mmindy
      I’m on the other side of the imposter syndrome AMAB and on a slowed pace in transition.    Best wishes, stay positive and motivated    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ivy
      https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/mississippi-passes-bill-allowing?r=k5hac&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web   This part could be pretty bad-   "Lastly, it offers a “private right of action” that appears to be targeted at transgender people, allowing cisgender people to sue to prevent transgender people from using bathrooms aligned with their gender identity…"   I can see a potential for bathroom "vigilantes" to use this.  Just paying legal fees to defend yourself can ruin you, regardless of the outcome of the case.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It's all well and good, but the facts on the street will always be different than what is written on paper. It takes a very long time for an EEOC or OSHA complaint to get attention. For most people, the length of time between filing a complaint and something actually getting done means just finding a different job.
    • FelixThePickleMan
      As a transgender male often I feel as if I'm not viewed as man enough especially around other biological males. I often also feel as if I'm not enough in general not good enough to have the things that I have because I ruin everything and I feel like a phony when trying to pass. I look in the mirror and my outside appearance doesn't match the way I want to look and appear and my mom prevents me from reaching my maximum male potential and around my mom I'm always mis-genderd and she tells me that Im not a man and never will be one which plays into me feeling not man enough because I feel like I never will me the man I know I am. I don't know what to do with these feelings and thoughts.
    • Mirrabooka
      I was really lucky when I gave up smoking. I just decided one morning that I just didn't want to smoke anymore. That was back in 1996. The silly thing was, I still had a couple of packets left I and used them up! After that I only 'borrowed' less than a handful in the months after that and I haven't missed them since.      
    • Mirrabooka
      Have I reached the tipping point?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...