Hi All, Star Here

[Star]

Growing up knowing that something is fundamentally wrong with yourself is such a horrible feeling, but not knowing exactly what it is or how to vocalize it is worse. I spent the better part of my life doing harm to myself (my left leg is covered in scars...) and others because I didn't know what was "wrong" with me or why I didn't fit in. I used drugs and alcohol to mask my pain.

 

I was born male but have never felt particularly "male". A few months ago I started to question the nature of my existence and if I wanted to continue living and that's when it finally came to me, I'm a girl! Or least I was supposed to be... 

 

I've started coming out to those closest to me but fear keeps me from moving forward in any meaningful way. I know this road will be long and full of challenges but I'm determined to follow it to the end.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I can identify with that feeling...I've spent most of my life wondering what was wrong with me, and why my body didn't really fit the mold of "girl" but was never masculine enough to be "boy."  Feeling like that really stinks sometimes. 

 

Hopefully time will help heal things for you.  I get that family fears are a real barrier.  I was rejected by my parents, but my sister and I remain very close and I found partners who care for me.  It seems that what we lose in life, we get back later in a different form.  🙂  I've only been part of this forum for a short time, but I've found some useful advice here.  I think you will too.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi Star, nice to meet you. I found coming out and just getting over that initial hump to really be one of the bigger challenges. Things will get easier over time. BTW, I love you name.❤️

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Star,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

[Ivy]

Welcome Star.

I remember growing up fearing someone would discover my terrible secret.

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Star and welcome. I’ve spent most of my life hiding the woman I am. I’m trying not to hide anymore and be true to myself and the loved ones around me. This is a wonderful place to learn and get to know yourself better.

 

Life is to short to not be the person you are.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

[Russ Fenrisson]

Hello and welcome to the forums, Star! I hope everything from now on going forward gets better.

 

I understand that feeling of fear and hiding. For many years, after coming out to specific people, I've felt my life become stagnant and come to a screeching halt because this desire to be who I really am has come to consume me. I wish to break free of these feelings, but only with time can things change. I hope you are able to gain the strength to move on and live how you want to.

[Star]

Thank you everyone. Your support and words of kindness are appreciated.

[Delcina B]

Welcome Star! Glad you're here! I relate a lot with your life experiences. It's hard to be at peace with ourselves when the brain & body don't match. I too self-medicated, it was such a temporary solution but the only one I knew. Self acceptance felt like an enormous weight lifted off me. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[Clofree]

On 8/22/2022 at 5:29 PM, Star said:

Growing up knowing that something is fundamentally wrong with yourself is such a horrible feeling, but not knowing exactly what it is or how to vocalize it is worse. I spent the better part of my life doing harm to myself (my left leg is covered in scars...) and others because I didn't know what was "wrong" with me or why I didn't fit in. I used drugs and alcohol to mask my pain.

 

I was born male but have never felt particularly "male". A few months ago I started to question the nature of my existence and if I wanted to continue living and that's when it finally came to me, I'm a girl! Or least I was supposed to be... 

 

I've started coming out to those closest to me but fear keeps me from moving forward in any meaningful way. I know this road will be long and full of challenges but I'm determined to follow it to the end.

Agree with the each single word

[Susan R]

On 8/22/2022 at 3:29 PM, Star said:

I've started coming out to those closest to me but fear keeps me from moving forward in any meaningful way. I know this road will be long and full of challenges but I'm determined to follow it to the end.

Welcome @Star. It’s great to have you here. Your statement above rings familiar to me all too well. The fear can be debilitating sometimes…especially when you know you need a change but still can’t make a move forward to that goal. Once the fear is addressed through good counseling and support, many times progress can be made. The steps forward get easier in time and often lead to social and emotional breakthroughs. Small steps in the beginning help and reaching out like you have done with your introduction post here is a great initial step. Before you know it, you’ll look back at where you were and won’t believe how far you’ve come! The beginning of long journey can seem overwhelming and sometimes even scary. Getting the right support is often overlooked. Some of us like to think it can do it all on our own but it’s a very complex journey. This forum and the members within are here to help you wade through the misinformation and mistruths and get some hands on advice when you need some. So feel free to post as you like with any concerns or questions. We try to do our best to make you feel a part of our family.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[Mmindy]

On 8/22/2022 at 6:29 PM, Star said:

I'm a girl! Or least I was supposed to be... 

 

I've started coming out to those closest to me but fear keeps me from moving forward in any meaningful way. I know this road will be long and full of challenges but I'm determined to follow it to the end.

Hello Star,

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums, and know that you're not alone in the "I'm a girl! Or at least, I was supposed to be..."

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Maddee]

Hi Star!

welcome.

I like that you’re determined to follow it through to the end. yes!
always steps forward. If some path looks blocked always do something you can do.   Good luck