Hi, I'm Suzanne

[Suzanne44]

I'm Suzanne, I'm 47 years old and unfortunately I was Assigned male at birth. I've always known from a very early age that this was wrong. After a failed attempt at showing my parents when I was very young who I am I kept everything to myself and hid this part of me from everyone,sadly I'm still hiding today  (which I am finding is getting harder and harder). As yet I haven't found the courage to tell my family and friends who I really am, or had the courage to start my transition. I only have a few close family members that I have contact with, I have no partner or children. The person I'm closest to is my sister, and the thought of losing her is terrifying. After coming across this site I did a little browsing at some of the posts and what I found was encouraging as everyone seemed so welcoming and friendly. After a lot of deliberating with myself I decided to join. Which was a very big step for me. I think what I'm looking for is support,understanding,help,advice and hopefully to make some new long lasting friendships along the way.

 Thank you all for reading this my first post and hopefully not my last. I look forward to hearing from you all very soon.

Suzanne : )

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Suzanne!  I agree that joining a site like this is a big step on the journey, but a good first one.  You'll find a ton of great info here, great support and lots of resources.  We'll be here when you have questions.  In the meantime, look around and see what's interesting to you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Welcome Suzanne.  I've found that posting and reading here has certainly helped me on this journey.  

Glad you've joined us.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Mmindy]

Hey there Suzanne,

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums, I'm sure you'll find this place as helpful as I do. While it doesn't take the place of real life therapy, it's a great life preserver to hole you over until your next appointment.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Astrid]

Hi, Suzanne!  There are indeed many folks here who have had very similar circumstances and experiences to your own, and can be a help with your questions.  That includes folks who are UK-based and/or familiar with protocols there.

 

Moving forward can seem daunting, especially initial steps.  So many of us have also experienced fears.  But we have a wealth of successes and experiences we can share, as well.  Who I am today versus 2018 is, well, completely different.  I have so much less stress, am so much happier these days.  Each of us, though, makes decisions and takes steps at our own pace, which is as it should be.

 

Best wishes!  I hope to see you around the site.

 

Astrid

[Jackie C.]

5 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

After coming across this site I did a little browsing at some of the posts and what I found was encouraging as everyone seemed so welcoming and friendly.

 

Aha! You've fallen for our ruse! REALLY we're... no, actually we're very welcoming and friendly. Welcome to the site! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

[DeeDee]

Hi @Suzanne44 well done on making your first post! It gets easier to share your story when you realise that others have similar ones! The best and most frequent advice given is to find someone you can talk to. I used an online counsellor trained in LGBT issues to explore who I was, but that's because all I knew back then was that I didn't fit. Once I realised I was trans I started telling the family members and friends most likely to support me - and it worked, having support makes so much difference. As scary as it can be, it is also worth getting on the waiting list for an initial appointment with your closest GIC (Gender Identity Clinic). The NHS is overworked and underfunded so by the time they get round to you, you will have had a lot of time to think about what you want to do.

[Robin.C]

Welcome Suzanne,

 

I can second the welcoming and support of this forum, not only with transition but life in general when it comes to being yourself.

As you will see many of us have had to hide from the entire whole including family for a long long time until it just becomes impossible to continue faking the outer-self.

A gender therapist is a great place to start.

And yes joining this forum was one of the most difficult first steps I took. As it was like breaking through a wall that I had put up between myself and myself.

 

Anyhow thank you for being here.

 

Hugs

Robyn

[Suzanne44]

Thank you all for your warm welcomes it is much appreciated. Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to speaking to you all (or messaging if that's the term) please forgive me I'm new to all this hopefully I'll get better as I go along. It's comforting knowing that we have similar experiences and knowing that I'm not alone, and won't be alone any more thanks to you all. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart. : )

[SheenaT]

On 8/25/2022 at 7:48 AM, Suzanne44 said:

I'm Suzanne, I'm 47 years old and unfortunately I was Assigned male at birth. I've always known from a very early age that this was wrong. After a failed attempt at showing my parents when I was very young who I am I kept everything to myself and hid this part of me from everyone,sadly I'm still hiding today  (which I am finding is getting harder and harder). As yet I haven't found the courage to tell my family and friends who I really am, or had the courage to start my transition. I only have a few close family members that I have contact with, I have no partner or children. The person I'm closest to is my sister, and the thought of losing her is terrifying. After coming across this site I did a little browsing at some of the posts and what I found was encouraging as everyone seemed so welcoming and friendly. After a lot of deliberating with myself I decided to join. Which was a very big step for me. I think what I'm looking for is support,understanding,help,advice and hopefully to make some new long lasting friendships along the way.

 Thank you all for reading this my first post and hopefully not my last. I look forward to hearing from you all very soon.

Suzanne : )

Welcome. I can relate to having to hide. It's horrible.  Hopefully you can fins some ways to express yourself until you come out. I had to find ways to express myself or go crazy.

[Susan R]

On 8/25/2022 at 7:48 AM, Suzanne44 said:

After a failed attempt at showing my parents when I was very young who I am I kept everything to myself and hid this part of me from everyone

Welcome @Suzanne44! This sure sounds familiar! Did we by chance share parents? Seriously, so many of us growing up in the pre-internet era had parents that would not see what seems so obvious to ourselves. I’m happy your taking your first steps to free yourself from the societal bondage of living as someone you aren’t. It seems so difficult in the beginning but it’s can be the most freeing things you’ll ever do. For me, life began to make a little more sense after I found what I needed and transitioned. I would never go back to the old way of living. So many of us have started our journeys right here on this forum and I hope you too can find some benefit from what we have to offer. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us. I hope to read more in time.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[Guest]

On 8/25/2022 at 8:48 AM, Suzanne44 said:

I'm Suzanne, I'm 47 years old and unfortunately I was Assigned male at birth. I've always known from a very early age that this was wrong. After a failed attempt at showing my parents when I was very young who I am I kept everything to myself and hid this part of me from everyone,sadly I'm still hiding today  (which I am finding is getting harder and harder).

Wow, a very familiar thing to me. I too went down that road, yet in my 40s, I failed to do anything constructive about being a transgender female. There is no question that there is a risk in coming out, but there is also the stress, anxiety, depression, and other things that the members here have shared with the group. Sometimes we withdraw, and sometimes we engage in self-destructive behaviors. 

 

If you are really close to your sister, she will likely still be there for you. Other family members...go slow and see how it goes with your sister. You could also seek counseling. That is between you and the counselor and it feels so good to let it out and tell another human being. You may find that you will shed quite a few tears in the process. That is okay. This can be one of the hardest things to ever do, and that is bare the core of our sole to another. 

 

I won't kid you. There are risks that some friends and some family members may not want anything to do with you. If this is the real you and they cannot accept you, just remember that you are you. They should realize the horrible angst you have had in holding this in, and the courage this takes to share it. They should feel good about you actually trusting them enough to share tis with them. I too, had a massive amount of worries in coming out. My parents had passed. My mother's side of the family had a melt down. I found it easier to sever the relationship. My dad's side of the family was good from the moment I said I was trans. I lost one good friend who ghosted me. I found my new worksite to be highly supportive, and one of the universities I teach out welcomed me with open arms. I asked them to change my records to my preferred name and the IT department did it within 6 hours.

 

Sometimes are fears become a prison that is worse than the consequences of just baring our soul. You have to be ready. Think it through. I do encourage counseling. Find someone who has experience with transgender folks. Remember, you are still you. People think it is a conscious choice to be transgender. Transition is probably not the right word for what we go through. I like to think of it as we either have a female soul at birth, or we just are that anomaly where the brain is female, and when we get more aware, we look at our body and go "wow, I should not be like this". Then we find out we have to adapt to survive. We are stuck with that male body at birth (yeah, instead of MAB, I think it should be male body at birth). When we finally admit it and start our journey, it is emancipation of our soul from that male body.

 

Good luck and keep participating. You will find that there are many members who have had similar trajectories, feelings, and experiences. 

 

[KayC]

Nice to meet you, and Welcome! @Suzanne44!

 

I felt very much the same as you when I first arrived on the TransPulse door step and was welcomed with open arms by everybody here.  I am sure you have already found the same and the support will be very helpful for you.

We are all on similar journeys ... we're just in different cars.  Wishing you the best from this point forward❣️

Deep breaths ... one step at a time.

[Suzanne44]

Thank you all again for all the warm welcomes and for all your advice. I am looking into getting some online therapy and will keep you all updated on how I get on.Speak to you soon.

 

❤️  Suzanne : )