Nervous

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Not sure this is in the correct forum.

   All my family (close family) now know I'm trans. The next step is for me to see my doctor. The thing is the only female doctor at my surgery I'm not sure if I've ever seen her. (Feel more comfortable if I see a female doctor). So as you can imagine I'm really nervous about seeing her and talking to her. I know that realistically that she is probably not going to be shocked when I tell her that I want to transition. I know that doctors are trained for almost anything but I'm still really nervous. I know that I need to push myself but I'm worried that it will worsen my anxiety.  I know I need to ask about referring me to a G.I.C  and a therapist. I'd really like my sister  with me but as she says it's something I need to do myself. I can't rely on others to speak for me , I need to tell them myself what I want and how I feel. I know she's right but I'm still nervous.

   Another thing I'm worried about is what if she refuses to help me and won't refer me to the clinic or therapist. I'm not sure if they can refuse to help or not. It's just really worrying. I know that if this does happen what am I going to do. I know I just can't keep going on as a guy anymore. I want to finally be the real me. The woman I am inside. There is no way I can live the rest of my life like this. I've had comments off those closest to me that they haven't seen me this happy for a long long time. Since coming out to them I have been glowing. I know that I no longer feel that I'm alone and that I can talk to them now about things I don't have to hide. So for the doctor to refuse to help me will be devastating to me. I know I'm probably worrying about nothing and things will go ok. I'm just so nervous.

 

As always ♥️ Suzanne 

[Sarah Victoria]

Hi Suzanne,

 

I know how you feel as i am coming forward and recently started opening up with my GP and also therapist.

 

I was very nervous and nearly didnt go through with the appointments but ...deep breath..... chin up.....and open up with your GP.

 

Mine is a male but understand how you feel about seeing a female doctor.  Mine was extremely good, didnt pass out on the floor or laugh.... he was extremely considerate, let me babble away as so nervous, calmed me down, then had a 10 minute chat (sadly all we can get these days).  He mentioned that first it was right for me to see a therapist who can help in so many ways and to re book with him after a couple of meetings i have had with my therapist and if feel the same then he will refer me to the GIC in London.    It is very doubtful that your GP will turn you away.  Man or woman......  they are trained better these days to react and help many many issues etc..... so try to ease those nerves and take steps foreward like many on this site have done already.

Try to remember you are not alone....you have opened to your family....and you already feel the benefit. And have plenty of cups of tea to also help deal with the nerves.

 

I cannot go on as as a man so i am hoping to transition as far as i can go..... to find that real inner happyness. 

 

In time on this site you might link up with another member and talk more directly by text to help you further so dont be shy and nervous with other members. They are all so helpfull.

 

BIg hug to you

Sarah

 

 

 

 

[Suzanne44]

Hi Sarah

 

   Thank you for your kind words. I know that I'm worrying about nothing and that everything Will be fine. It's just that because I suffer with anxiety I fear it may get worse as the appointment nears. Usually when this happens I back out of appointments, I really don't want to do it this time. I know that I have to push myself and face doing it. I know I found the courage to come out to my family and I just have to do it again. I just have to stop worrying and focus on what I will benefit from it. I know people say that it gets easier each time I come out so I'm hoping it does. I just have to believe I CAN do this I CAN do anything.

 

   Thank you Sarah for your response and your support it is greatly appreciated.

 

As always ♥️ Suzanne.

[Astrid]

2 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

for the doctor to refuse to help me will be devastating to me

 

Another way to look at your upcoming doctor's appointment is to think of the positives.  It is fortunate that you live in the U.K., where people have the right to trans-friendly care.  You or I might have had the misfortune to live in a country where trans care is illegal and prosecuted.  

 

The physician(s) you see are unlikely to be hostile; a far more usual experience is that a physician doesn't have direct experience with gender non-conforming patients.  But even in that case, they are likely to be able to give you the referrals that you request.  

 

Here in Massachusetts, we have the blessing of state laws that allow for "informed consent", rather than a formal therapist's recommendation. Even so, I (and my spouse) greatly benefitted from therapy sessions, and my therapist was willing to write a recommendation for me should I need one.  So I didn't have any problems obtaining gender-affirming care and HRT under the supervision of an experienced physician at a transcare clinic here in Boston.  I completely understand that you face a different picture, given long NHS wait times with referral requirements.  But as has already been recommended (and used by UK queer friends of mine), going private can be a significant time saver if you afford it -- but keep your NHS irons in the fire, so to speak.

 

However, it was a different story in regards to my Primary Care Physician.  Before I came out, I had been under the care of a (male) physician who had no sensitivity toward genderqueer patients, and it showed.  One of my best decisions ever was to "fire" him and look for a new PCP.  I found a female doctor who had interned at the same transcare clinic that I use, who was extremely helpful and caring and non-judgemental.  Definitely worth my effort!

 

Wishing you the best, and let us know how your appointment goes.  

 

Astrid

[DeeDee]

Hi @Suzanne44 when I had my 1st GIC appointment my sister came with me because I just so nervous I couldn't eat, and then left when I went in to the appointment. It's perfectly normal to be nervous, but you can do it. Telling a professional/stranger is actually easier in some ways than telling someone you care about. Though you are the only person who can explain how you think and feel. You will get there! x

[Bridget]

Hiya Suzanne,

 

The system with gender care has come on leaps and bounds the past 5 years.  If anything telling your family is a bigger step than a doctor hun, we’ll done you! 
 

You will feel better once you express yourself to the gp they will help and assist and guide you along the correct path for you with your input 100%. 
 

We are all here to help each other here your never ever alone, it may feel curse what your going through but it is a very precious special time.

 

Keep strong and lots of self love.

 

Anything you wish to ask fire away.

 

kind regards

Bridget x

[Sarah Victoria]

Hi suzanne......and Bridget,

 

Lovely words from Bridget.....she has given me a lot of great advice and confidence in myself..... thank you Bridget.

 

best wishes to you Suzanne.....by going will be the best decision you will ever make.

 

Hugs

sarah x

 

DeeDee , Bridget and Astrid right in their helping words to you. Not one person is criticising but understand how you feel as we have also from time to time.

 

Anxiety is very tough to deal with and control.... mine goes wild at times and self belief / confidence appear to evaporate.

 

Maybe a family member can come with you to the appointment and they wait outside while you engage with your therapist/gp ? Just an idea..... 

 

I find the counting mechanism , with eyes closed and relaxed breathing on the day and when at an interview really helps my bad nerves ......and i admit i felt like walking away and say another day....... but it has worked and continued to for my first GP appointment.

 

You have opened to your family.... give it a try with your GP.

 

let us know how things go

Warm hugs

Sarah

 

 

[Astrid]

1 hour ago, Sarah Victoria said:

I find the counting mechanism , with eyes closed and relaxed breathing on the day and when at an interview really helps my bad nerves

 

Excellent advice.  That's a technique that my spouse and I also use when needed -- which we first learned, interestingly enough, from our then young daughter, who called them "deep breathes".  She instinctively knew its benefits.  It's still one of the things we treasure as parents of our now-adult child.

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Thank you all for advice and support I really do appreciate it. I know I have to do this and I have to be strong. With your and my family's support I know I CAN do this. I know that I must push aside my anxiety and do it. I know that when I do do it that I will feel a lot better. I know once I get everything going that I will finally feel that my transition is finally going somewhere. I've waited for so long to do this and  I know I can't let my anxiety stop me now. My sister has said that she will accompany me to the appointment and that she will wait outside in the waiting room just Incase I need her. 

I will let you all know how I get on. Thank you all so much.

 

♥️ Suzanne.

[Sarah Victoria]

Hi Suzanne,

 

Thats great news, well done. And also to your sister to accompany you as such support is so vital to deal anxiety and the horrible feeling of being lonely which some on this site have to deal with in their transition.

 

Keep the site posted on how you get on.

 

Best wishes

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Thank you so much. I definitely will keep you updated

 

   ❤️ Suzanne