How Long

[Janae]

Hi everyone,

 

I wanted to get a feel for how long you have been going to therapy.  Personally, I think it is going to vary from one person to another, and how long is irrelevant as long as it helps you to be a better person.  For me, I have been going weekly for the past 18 months.  My therapist has really helped me a lot , from not only gender related issues, but other things as well.  She is also part of the LGBTQ community and fully understands the journey.  
My partner the other day asked how long I am going to continue with therapy.  Apparently she came across some article that says the average is 3 to 6 months for therapy.  She says I am using my therapist as a crutch, and I need to try and live “on my own” now.  
I am not fully out, (I have only told a few people) , however with my hairstyle and other things I do, I get gendered as I should from time to time, and my therapist has mentioned that my colleagues at work should have no problem if they knew what my pronouns are. The issue is my partner wants me to keep my authentic self confined to the 4 walls of the house.  I bring all this up, because I think a big reason I look forward to my weekly session, is because it really is the only place, (other than this forum), where the interaction is using correct name, pronouns, etc.
At the end of the month, my therapist is going to do an in person group get together, which would be good.  She did some virtual ones during Covid- which I did not care for.

I still look forward to my weekly sessions, and I could see maybe spacing them to monthly, but I don’t know that I would stop seeing a therapist for all the good it does for me.

 

Wanted to see what others are doing with therapy and how long is too long (if there is such a thing)

 

Janae

[rachel w]

28 minutes ago, Janae said:

Hi everyone,

 

I wanted to get a feel for how long you have been going to therapy.  Personally, I think it is going to vary from one person to another, and how long is irrelevant as long as it helps you to be a better person.  For me, I have been going weekly for the past 18 months.  My therapist has really helped me a lot , from not only gender related issues, but other things as well.  She is also part of the LGBTQ community and fully understands the journey.  
My partner the other day asked how long I am going to continue with therapy.  Apparently she came across some article that says the average is 3 to 6 months for therapy.  She says I am using my therapist as a crutch, and I need to try and live “on my own” now.  
I am not fully out, (I have only told a few people) , however with my hairstyle and other things I do, I get gendered as I should from time to time, and my therapist has mentioned that my colleagues at work should have no problem if they knew what my pronouns are. The issue is my partner wants me to keep my authentic self confined to the 4 walls of the house.  I bring all this up, because I think a big reason I look forward to my weekly session, is because it really is the only place, (other than this forum), where the interaction is using correct name, pronouns, etc.
At the end of the month, my therapist is going to do an in person group get together, which would be good.  She did some virtual ones during Covid- which I did not care for.

I still look forward to my weekly sessions, and I could see maybe spacing them to monthly, but I don’t know that I would stop seeing a therapist for all the good it does for me.

 

Wanted to see what others are doing with therapy and how long is too long (if there is such a thing)

 

Janae

Hello Janae   for me I go about every 3to5 weeks apart, I still have feelings for my late wife, but I started HRT in july and all the emotions  I have ben going through it has ben wild. I ben seeing my therapist since june 2021 and until get things on the right path i am going to keep going thats just me. Rachel W

[KathyLauren]

It varies so much that there is no one answer.  I would say that, as long as you have unresolved issues and the therapy is dealing with them, it is worth continuing.  In your case, your interactions with your partner are a big unresolved issue.

 

I did not have many unresolved issues.  In fact, the only issues I had to deal with were getting certified as not crazy (i.e. my WPATH letters for HRT and for GCS), and deciding which surgery I wanted.  Those issues were resolved quickly.

[KayC]

Great topic @Janae! 
I started gender therapy thanks to the recommendations and encouragement from many of the Members here on TransPulse -- my eternal gratitude 🙏

It's been 2 years-Plus and has gone from twice-a-month to once-a-month.  The reasons for the fewer sessions is that I am in more of a latent/limbo situation with my transition (and desire to transition).  Part of that is my own obstacles, but the other is similar to yours.  Lack of acceptance by my partner, but my desire to do everything I can to keep us together while dealing with my dysphoria.

 

Having to change therapists midway was difficult, but I feel like I am back on track with the new therapist (it took a while with a few speed bumps).

Its a difficult balancing act and therapy is truly my Safe Place -- were I can speak openly and truthfully without fear of retribution or triggering my wife's anxieties (which are her anxieties ... not mine). 

 

So, I don't see (or desire) an end-state for therapy for now.  I think I would agree with @KathyLauren

27 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

as long as you have unresolved issues and the therapy is dealing with them, it is worth continuing. 

 

For me, that's the whole reason for therapy. 

[Ivy]

I have been seeing mine (virtually) for around 5 months - once a month.  I already knew her in person though from a VA transgender support group that she moderates.  I didn't do regular therapy before this.  (I did have a session when I started HRT for the referral)    This year my ex was remarrying, and that brought up some issues, which brought up more issues…    I like my therapist, she's gay.  It usually is mostly me talking through stuff.  It's good to have someone supportive to listen and add some insight.

[Vidanjali]

"Using your therapist as a crutch" is perfectly appropriate if you need the crutch. A crutch is used for support, and only you (along with appropriate insight from your therapist) can decide when you're ready to "walk" unassisted. Your partner is using irrelevant internet statistics to try to keep you in a box, as it were, rather than celebrating the fact that you're getting the help you need. That's the opposite of being supportive. Try to avoid any tendency to defend yourself, such as struggling to justify continuing therapy or going however often you find helpful. If your partner is at all open to the suggestion, she may benefit from having her own therapist to work on whatever she's going through so that you two may come to a better understanding to support each other. That would actually help you feel safer "giving up a crutch" in the long run. 

[Janae]

14 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Your partner is using irrelevant internet statistics to try to keep you in a box, as it were, rather than celebrating the fact that you're getting the help you need. That's the opposite of being supportive. Try to avoid any tendency to defend yourself, such as struggling to justify continuing therapy or going however often you find helpful. If your partner is at all open to the suggestion, she may benefit from having her own therapist to work on whatever she's going through so that you two may come to a better understanding to support each other. That would actually help you feel safer "giving up a crutch" in the long run. 

@Vidanjalihow true.  I will get grilled on why I still go, but therapy really helps, especially after being on the grill all week 😂

My partner definitely could benefit from therapy, but denies she needs any.

Thank you all for your reply’s.

Janae