Fear of self being thanks to Disphoric moments.

[Moira Arista]

Hi there all. I love the fact that I'm transgender Female. However recently I've had a few disphoric moments that truly scared me. They were so bad, they made me question my Self. I know for sure that I'm a Female, but sometimes I have these terrible Disphoric moments that scare me because they put my whole being in to question. One of these moments happened last Thursday. I was on my way home from shopping after I got out of work. I was almost home when nature called it was an extreme emergency. I do not make a point of going in public for the record. I sped through my neighborhood, while almost bursting for a tinkle. I got to my front door, and knew I wasn't going to make it through my front door in to my house to the potty. Luckily it was very dark, and my front garden is partially hidden from the road. So I squatted there and tinkled. Then I heard a door slam and paniced. Then I heard my neighbors front door open. I share a front walk way with my neighbor. Luckily I was done. I whipped my head around to see her looking at me for a split second before she slammed the door. For the last 4 days, I was in termoil as I wrestled with myself as to what I was. Luckily I came back to earth and I know I'm a Transgender Woman named Moira Arista. I don't have these episodes very often, but when I do they freak me out. 

[Trans22]

I suffer from rapid onset abdominal pain and diarrhea at times - medical people haven't been able to identify the reason yet.  I've had at least 10 occasions where I haven't even got close to making it home (or to a toilet).  I know of other people with similar problems/experiences to yours.  You aren't alone.