Rock Bottom

[Lydia_R]

In 1998 in Ecuador, I was handed what looked like a cup of beer on the beach.  I took a sip and well, it was gasoline!  I was lucky that I didn't swallow it, but it left an absolutely terrible taste in my mouth for a week.  And the worst headache I ever had.  Addiction can just be so glamorous!

 

That was pretty much the last time I've ever been drunk.  But after I got out of the military in 2000, I let my hair down so to speak and did some drugs.  My family and friends thought I was a total drug addict, mostly because I was homeless.  I really wasn't doing much drugs because I was really poor.  A few years later, I ended up on the streets and that fixed my addiction issues.  The first couple days I lived on the streets full time, I was taking half used cigarettes out of ash trays.  I realized that they tasted really crappy.  And I just told myself to stop doing that.  You don't need a smoke that bad.

 

That was in 2003.  Being that poor changed something in me.  Years later, when I started making money again, I didn't have any desire to start that back up again.  I still drink a little bit these days, but I'm not sure why I do it.  It doesn't taste particularly good and I'm so cautious with it that I don't really get any enjoyment from it.  I do however get into hobbies.  Biking, cooking, multiple musical instruments and singing, coding, writing, playing some board games with friends, making and playing arcade games.  Woodwork on the house.  There are just endless ways to entertain myself.

 

I'm certainly a loner though.  I have fun with my hobbies and honestly don't want to be very social.  A dinner party once in a while would be nice.  Right now I'm just working hard to afford retirement and medical transition.  Things are busy and my hobbies are getting a little neglected.  Gotta pay the piper though!  Work is going great and I came out to two of my closest friends today and they were totally accepting.

 

I do think that you have to be a little more patient when you are not in active addiction.  I think part of addiction is trying to drown a bad mood.  You know though, you can't always be up.  There is nothing wrong with being tired, bored or uncomfortable.  Or experiencing writer's block.  Life can be frustrating and you can't always change that.

[Lydia_R]

I experimented with smoking this week.  It's been 7 years since I smoked anything.  I had the same experience with it that I did last time.  I just don't like the burnt taste in my mouth and lungs.  I don't want to hurt my lungs.  And I get a laugh out of telling myself "If you don't want to hurt your lungs, then why are you smoking!!"

 

I used to have fun with it, I swear I did!  So I made a pot of coffee.  And I went to my garage and picked out parts to make an arcade controller for my best friend.  It turns out that I have all the wood and electronics to make this thing.  It's going to be pretty sweet.  We grew up playing arcade games together in the early 80's.

 

I wish all my recovery peeps an excellent day!

-Lydia

[Charlize]

Making things and enjoying life is such a great alternative to using and disappearing mentally.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Charlize]

I couldn’t help but add this image from FB.  In the rooms it is often said that: “ Alcoholics are not a glum lot.”

It is hard to lighten the weight of a rock bottom but this image does for me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Lydia_R]

That's funny Charilze!  That picture reminds me of some graffiti I have in my neighborhood.

 

I could go on and on about my life.  I actually did write a book about it a few years ago.  I'll probably be writing another book about my life first thing when I retire.

 

I did screw up badly in 2010.  The great recession had done a number on me with a divorce and low employment.  I abused a soft drug that year and between that and my soda pop addiction I was in pretty bad health.  I consider that the worst year of my life; even worse than being on the streets.  I turned things around pretty quickly last decade.  Recovery is everything, right?

 

I guess that writing about this here, and my whole experiment with smoking is a good reminder of what good and bad is.

[Lydia_R]

Would this be rock top?  😃

[Lydia_R]

I was lucky.  I had low pack years.  I am a little salt sensitive, but as long as I keep it to one teaspoon a day, I have excellent blood pressure.

 

There are several things I credit with having got me to this decent outcome.  Certainly being introduced to AA when I was 16.  I made the conscious decision early on to not seek out drug dealers.  I made a lot of mistakes, but I did a lot of things well too.  Low pack years.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

On 11/7/2022 at 9:18 AM, Lydia_R said:

I did screw up badly in 2010.  The great recession had done a number on me with a divorce and low employment.  I abused a soft drug that year and between that and my soda pop addiction I was in pretty bad health.  I consider that the worst year of my life; even worse than being on the streets.  I turned things around pretty quickly last decade.  Recovery is everything, right?

 

The Recession did that to a lot of people.  My husband apparently went through the same thing around the same time as you did.  His unemployment was followed by a divorce, and he went deep into alcohol and despair for a time.  My GF told me he was feeling so low, when somebody tried to mug him in a grocery store parking lot (he was unarmed) the mugger who had the gun fled in fear because my husband had the look on his face of a man with nothing to lose. 😬

 

Fortunately, lows CAN be followed by recovery and success.  The changes over ten years can make an individual almost unrecognizable - in a good way.  Our family is pretty happy, although substance issues could recur if we aren't careful.  My husband, GF, and one of my other partners all have a history of alcoholism and cigarettes.  My GF is also recovering from a narcotics addiction many years ago.  She's stayed clean for as long as I've known her, and is a wonderful mother.  The best thing to keep them on the right path is faith, family, and a purpose in life.  🙂