Why? Just why do I seem to find the worst therapists?!

[KnowMe]

I'm not sure if this is the place for me to post this or if it's even okay that I am venting here at all. I lived in a place that had maybe 500 people in the whole town where every one knows everyone and talks either to or about everyone and most of the times both. For years most of them wanted to either bring me to God or Doom me to Hell for being who and what I am and none none of course, know the real me at all. Judged by looks or gossip or both tore at me day in and day out and I had no support.The closest therapist was more than a two hour drive and I don't own a car and there was no public transit so no chance of getting any real help or support. (It never occurred to me in all that time to reach out online)and I saved and saved for years (more than 12) to get out of that place and come to a city where I felt my chances would be great at finding help and a community that could help me understand well... ME.

 

I waited for more than three months to get an appointment with a therapist and today was the day I thought finally... someone will help me begin to understand and it was just awful! Yes, I was molested as a child, but I knew I liked girls and wanted to be a boy long before that so what they hell does that have to do with anything?!!! Yes, I believe in a GOD, just NOT YOUR GOD, so is that why my life has been so difficult? Is that why I hurting so badly I can barely breath?

 

It seems no matter how many times I reach out to get help I find therapist that want to somehow make who I am or what I am (IDK here) on being molested as a child. Like I would feel like a man or want to be with women had that not happened to me. I want to scream!!! I feel RAGE!!! I am hurt and angry why must it be so difficult to find someone to help me understand HOW to be OKAY with who I am and how to find others that feel like me?!

 

I'm 53... when do I get to be ME and more importantly to me at the moment is HOW to I go about it?

 

I'm really sorry for the rant, I'm just in so much pain.

[Jackie C.]

My advice to you is keep looking.

 

Specifically, keep looking in LGBTQ+ friendly spaces. There are therapists out there who specialize in dealing with LGBTQ+ clients and are much more friendly to trans people. If you were one state north, I'd point you at my therapist, but I don't think she's licensed to practice in Ohio.

 

In the meantime, I wish you all the luck sweetie. You deserve better.

 

Hugs!

[VickySGV]

Your city has 3 LGBTQ Centers and two other cities nearby have one each.  Call one of the Centers and if they are doing their job (I think they will be) they will have referrals to therapists who know the community and can hit the ground running with you.  Here is the link to my source.  I am part of two centers here where I live and trying to get a third kicked into gear and doing it too.

 

https://www.lgbtcenters.org/LGBTCenters

 

You can also check with the local chapter of Planned Parenthood if they have LGBTQ clinics which are becoming common.

[KnowMe]

Thank you Jackie & Vicky both replies were very helpful and calming It's nice to finally be able to talk openly

[JaniceZ]

 

11 hours ago, KnowMe said:

I'm 53... when do I get to be ME and more importantly to me at the moment is HOW to I go about it?

 

Dear KnowMe, the struggle is real.  A therapist is the place to get help.

 

That said, only You know you like you do.  I know what I want, and often that changes, but deep down I've committed to living a life that is a certain way, and it has been heavily influenced early on by religious values and now by mostly Rock and Roll music.  I am no longer religious.  I do feel the passion present in many songs and feel that what's left for me now is simply, "Can I make magic?"

 

For instance, On The Turning Away by Pink Floyd speaks to me of not ignoring other peoples pain and suffering, and there are many songs with this theme.  With inspiration from the likes of Barry Manilow in, I Write The Songs and The Carpenters with We've Only Just Begun, I find the strength to continue trying.  The magic I speak of is in a small way to make the world better and even getting to right.

[VickySGV]

16 hours ago, KnowMe said:

It's nice to finally be able to talk openly

 

That is the purpose of the Forums here, and we are happy to listen to you.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@KnowMe I've had a similar feeling...I've talked with a couple of therapists and just didn't bond with them AT ALL.  And I found them in a city close to me, and they were even supposed to be LGBTQ+ friendly.  Well, maybe friendly to some folks...not friendly to me.  Its like they find out about a couple of aspects of my life and get stuck on those...when those things don't bother me. 

 

Hopefully you can find what you're looking for.  I've mostly found my answer in just plain ordinary friends. 

[KnowMe]

12 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Its like they find out about a couple of aspects of my life and get stuck on those...when those things don't bother me. 

Exactly my point, It would be nice to be able to address the aspects of my life that I am bothered by. I will keep looking for a therapist in which I can connect to and in the meantime, keep looking for friends here to help me deal.