Introduction

[Amelia4]

Hi and thank you for letting me join your site where I hope I can find other people similar to myself and hope I can find help and support and also provide some if I can. I am a male almost 50 years old but truly feel that I should have been born female and would love to have been born in this day and age where there is more understanding on issues such as this. This has been with me all my life and I can remember wanting to wear female clothing from such a young age. I'm sure I was only about 6 years old when I went into the laundry basket in the bathroom in the middle of the night and got out my sister's nightie to wear to bed hoping noone would notice but my mum caught me and smacked me for it and since then I have always kept what I do/feel secret. I used to hide clothes in wild bushes as a teenager and used to go there to put them on. When I went to university I used to wear female clothing almost ever night and go for a wander about. I always thought I was a cross dresser until the last couple of years where the feeling if wanting to be a woman has intensified. There are problems  preventing me from doing anything about it though as I am with a partner of 19 years and with children and I absolutely lover her. Also my parents are very old fashioned and very set in their ways and I believe my father would have a nervous breakdown if I said/did anyrhing about my condition because of his medical issues. At the end of the day I really want to and feel like I should be woman but can't do anything about it as so many people would be hurt if I did anything about as I would like to do. At least by not doing anything I am only hurting myself and not lots of people who I care about. I wonder if there are any other people like me out thers somewhere ? Thanks for reading

[Jackie C.]

You'd be surprised. I know a surprising number of trans women who kept their partners after coming out. I'm one of them. Kids are pretty resilient too and really just want their parents to be happy. On the front of my own relationship with family... well, my found family is better anway. Though I think it's rare that people actually suffer physical harm from "big news."

 

So from my perspective: If I hadn't come out, it would have killed me. That's it. I was at a point in my life where it was either come out or exit this mortal plane. I decided to try coming out first. I'm a little older than you but I get it. Life wasn't easy for trans people when we grew up. There's a lot of momentum to get over.

The thing is, the feelings don't go away. My advice to you is to talk to a gender therapist and work things out. I have friends who are perfectly happy just dressing up on the weekends. I have other friends who needed just all the surgeries to feel comfortable in their own skin. You need to find your own truth; there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution here.

 

In the meantime? We're here. Ask us anything. We're happy to have you with us!

 

Hugs!

[Amelia4]

Thank you for your words Jackie. The older generation such as my parents would just think it's wrong and think it's a choice I have but wouldn't accept it. I don't believe it's their fault it's just the way things were back then and they have been brought up to think this way sadfully as that is how society was at the time and as I said it would cause them so much hurt and embarressment in my opinion. I have told my partner recently that I wear clothing secretly because she started to have thoughts that I was having an affair and seeing someone else and the news didn't go down well at all and our reltionship was at the brink for some weeks after I told her. I have since promised not to engage in the activity any more but the urges are so strong and getting worse to the point when I look at other females all I can think about is how I'd love to be her and when I see schoolgirls going home from school I think about the childhood I should have had of going to school dressed as them and have missed out on so much in my life. I could never tell my partner of these true feelings of wushing to be female as it would end the relationship there and then and I care so much for her. Thank you again for listening

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Amelia.

 

I second Jackie's advice to talk to a gender therapist.  Even if you don't intend to transition, you need to plan how to deal with the feelings.  I am thinking in particular about this:

 

24 minutes ago, Amelia4 said:

I have since promised not to engage in the activity any more but the urges are so strong and getting worse

 

That is the nature of gender dysphoria: it doesn't go away, and it does get worse.  If you don't deal with it somehow - and that is what the therapist can help you with - then something is likely to break.  I don't know what, and everyone is different.

 

Do ask us any questions you have.  We are not therapists, but we will help you as best we can.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Amelia4]

Thank you Kathy ❤

[Delcina B]

Welcome Amelia!  Glad you're here! I relate to so much of your story. The suggestion of seeing a GT was given to me too, I'm thankful I followed it. Hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have. 

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[Mmindy]

Welcome to TransPulseForums Amelia,

 

I'm sure you'll be surprised by how many people here have echoed your introduction. Like you I knew at an early age that I should have been a girl. I also did the male over compensation thing trying all the toughest male hobbies, and jobs. Married, had kid, developed a community life in public safety, and spoke on a mostly national, (USA) conference tour. A few years ago, stress built up, and I started down a trail of fear, with life ending anxiety, because all of my elders had passed away. I didn't want to be the Patriarch of my family. I was in my early sixties when this happened, leading me to therapy, and that therapist opened up all of my cans of worms, then realized I was beyond her experiences. She recommended a different therapist who worked with Public Safety Officers as well as the LGBT community. I started searching YouTube, and was introduced to this web site. Thank You Jackie Rabbit.

I came out to my wife, 44 years married at the time. To say she over reacted is a huge understatement, and as bad as it was, I look at it like ripping the bandage off an old hairy wound. Yes, it hurt but, we're still married. I'm now out to her, our grown children, and their spouse. I'm out to a few friends now, and have made so many more connections throughout the LBGTQIA community. I no longer feel like I'm keeping myself locked in the proverbial closet.

 

I hope you find this place as helpful, as I do.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋   

[Heather Shay]

I'm late to the party. Hello @Amelia4

[Amelia4]

Thank you all for sharing your own experiences an welcoming me. It means a lot to hear such supportive words. However, as much as I would love to transition to my true self it is not something I can ever do and it makes me so sad to say that. The hurt I would cause to everyone I care about and love in my life would be unbearable and I just cannot do that to the closest people to me. I feel like I must just carry on in this foreign body to spare all the hurt I would cause and as I said at least this way it is only me that's hurting and I think (and hope) I can cope with this knowing I'm not causing pain to so many others who mean so much to me. I know it will forever be in my head and I did see a counsellor for 6 sessions and explained everything to her and I asked if she could help me to stop thinking this way and if there's anything she could advise me to get it out of my head but she could not and told me it's who I am so I will have to just plug on and I'm just hoping and looking forward to coming back in the correct body in the next life. Thank you everyone for the support and for listening and sorry if I'm whinging xx

[Jackie C.]

7 hours ago, Amelia4 said:

The hurt I would cause to everyone I care about and love in my life would be unbearable and I just cannot do that to the closest people to me.

 

I'm just going to put this here:

 

You sure about that? I'd like to think that the people closest to me want me happy and living my best life.

 

Food for thought anyway.

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

Welcome Amelia

[KathyLauren]

14 hours ago, Amelia4 said:

The hurt I would cause to everyone I care about and love in my life would be unbearable and I just cannot do that to the closest people to me.

I knew another trans woman who made the same choice, for the same reason.  I sometimes wonder how she is doing.  She dropped off the forum where I met her. 

 

I hope you know that you are welcome here whether you transition or not.  You are who you are and there is nothing you can do about that.  What you choose to do (or not do) about it is entirely your choice.