Karen Carey

[Karen Carey]

I came to this site some while ago and have read many enlightening posts. Most folks have feelings that I can recognise, so I guess I shall not be bringing anything new to the table. However, sharing experiences and thoughts has to be a help.

 

I am AMAB, born at the end of WWII. From an early age I have had cross-gender feelings, but not as overwhelming as many here, enabling me to suppress them for much of my life.  I had a long and successful career as an aviator in the RAF where, until 2000, being LBGT was illegal: so, suppression was essential. In the British military those that could not hide their feelings were dismissed, with severe consequences. When I retired from the RAF in the mid-1990s I continued to be closely associated with aviation.

 

Over recent years my love of the feminine and the desire to feel like a woman began to grow, not helped I am sure, by a T-reduction with age. As these feelings grew I realised that I had to tell my wife.  As we all know, such a reveal is difficult in the extreme. What would be her reaction? To my relief, it was surprise, of course, but also sympathy and love. What would be the outcome? We talked a lot (and still do) and she listened carefully. She suggested that, to help, I could start dressing, and she would help. With her encouragement and approval I would dress but only at home. This I do, and, with her help and advice, my wardrobe has grown to a modest size.  She knows that these feelings will not go away and wants me to be happy, in spite of her not understanding what drives them. I suppose that the main worry that we have is where is the road leading?

 

After some ineffective counselling over recent years I found a clinical psychologist at the start of 2022. She specialises in gender and has helped a great deal. I really enjoy our sessions; it is great to unburden oneself to someone who is not emotionally connected. She has also talked to my wife, and is of the opinion that I am gender fluid. She may be right, but I do find myself spending more and more time on the pink side. If I can underline one piece of often-given advice it would be this - find a gender therapist. Initially I was sceptical about having  consultations by video-link (due to covid), but it really works. More recently I have visited her, and will continue to do so.

 

In the summer, with the encouragement of my therapist, I decided to have a makeover in London. Again my wife was surprised, but accepted it. It was an amazing and liberating experience, allowing me to express myself as I would like to be. Recently my wife has encouraged me to try makeup at home by giving me all the makeup that she no longer uses, helping me to buy more, and giving me advice.
 
So, this is where I am.  Very, very grateful for a sympathetic and loving wife, but wondering where I am going.

 

Karen
 

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing Karen.   As a post war child i hid as well.  There were times throughout my life when i seemed to need to dress and then guilt, shame and other societal pressures made me jump into the closet.  All of our journeys are different but accepting myself rather than reaching some goal in transition has brought peace.  

from across the pond

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Delcina B]

Welcome Karen! Glad you're here! I'm happy for you, having a wife who though may not understand is loving enough to allow you to explore. I feel our gender is ours to identify on a journey where others help, but only we know who truly lives in our hearts & minds. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

I love your phrase, "... on the pink side...!"

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[Karen Carey]

Thank you Charlize and Delcina for your welcome. It took me a while to join, but I am glad that I have. 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:43 PM, Charlize said:

 All of our journeys are different but accepting myself rather than reaching some goal in transition has brought peace.  

 

That is a philosophy that I would dearly like to follow.  I hope that TP will help me achieve it. 

 

Karen

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Karen.  It is heartwarming to hear that your wife has been so supportive.  That makes the journey so much easier and less stressful.  I'm lucky to have had a similar experience.  I wish you well on your journey, and encourage you to let us know how we can help, and answer all your questions.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Karen.  Welcome!  Thanks for joining us.

 

Your story is similar to that of a lot of us.  I am a bit younger than you, also an ex-military aviator (RCAF).  Indeed a history of military service is so common among trans women that we have a forum specifically for military and ex-military forum members here on TP.

 

I am happy for you that your wife is supportive.  (Mine is too.)  That makes life so much easier.

 

I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Robin]

Hello and welcome, from someone not a million miles away from you.

 

Robin.

[Karen Carey]

Happy New Year.

 

Thanks to all for your welcome.  I hope that we will all have a year better than the last. I also hope that I may start to see my road ahead a little more clearly. 

 

Karen