Slowly accepting myself

[AcedTea87]

Hi, my name is Bethany and I'm pretty sure I'm trans. Honestly, I've been questioning my gender for quite some time. Recently, when I stopped feeling so numb, I began to confront these feelings by accepting that I do have them and I can't keep burying them. I feel like I'm starting to truly accept myself and it's brought me here.

[Mmindy]

Good evening Bethany,

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums, look around, join in on the conversations. You’re among like minded people, and can be who you believe yourself to be. Locating and talking to a Gender Therapist is a good way to figure things out. 
 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[AcedTea87]

Thanks for the welcome! Right now unfortunately, I don't have the means to pay for therapy. I'm trying to get into a new career field to hopefully address that. I don't have much time to express my myself since my living situation isn't ideal for it. Although the times I do get the place to myself, I have dressed en-femme and it made me feel euphoric and much more relaxed.

[Heather Shay]

Welcome @AcedTea87 I see you've met one of the amazing people here and I'm sure more will soon add their welcomes. I'm glad you are here and wish you only the very best.

[Charlize]

Therapy did help me.  One thing i found was that throughout my life i had returned to expressing myself and feeling great simply being me.  I saw it never went away.  How far or what direction to take took years but the self acceptance you mentioned allowed me to be myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Ivy]

Welcome Bethany

[AcedTea87]

Thanks for all the warm welcomes and the kind words! I'll elaborate with a little of my background.

 

Like I said, I've been questioning myself for some time now. I've been able to track these feelings backwards quite a ways throughout my life in little ways. As a child I once asked my mother what my name would have been if I "had been born a girl". Even more convincingly, my nervous habit of looking for a secluded place to change in the boy's locker room in middle school was likely related to my being trans and not knowing it at the time. For a few years now I've known something was up but, instead of confronting the feelings, I'd push them away and keep up the learned AMAB act. It always made me feel terrible to do that after a while. This time however, I heard some advice I needed to hear and confronted my feelings and it's been a long time since I've felt this happy with myself. I know it's a long road and I'm just starting but, If I'm this happy allowing myself to be what I am then I couldn't possibly keep denying who I am.