Buying a Brassiere: Looking for Some Input

[Jenn_Martin]

Hey, All,

 

I've became conscious of being trans about two years ago--I'm 64 now--and am starting to dress as a woman. I'm not doing HRT and am not sure if I will, so I don't have female breasts. I'm not interested in breast forms; that doesn't feel right for me personally. Currently, I wear camisoles, which go a long way toward helping me affirm my femininity.  I would I'd like to find a bra type that creates a slight impression of breasts, something that augments my chest and feels natural on my body. I'm learning to take band measurements (I'm tall and thin; seems like 47 is my number), so, maybe a cup size of A or AA(?)  Any recommendations for brands or styles -- something padded? Wearing a bra, I think, would help me to feel more like my female self. I've posted my question here and not in the cross-dressing section because I don't see myself as a cross-dresser, at least as I understand the term. I've never felt that I'm "crossing" to anything but simply wearing clothes that match who I am: a woman living in the muscles and water and blood of a male body. Finding the right bra, as I think about it now, would satisfy me in the way that an Impressionistic painting evokes the mood of a landscape through suggestion rather than by precisely mirroring form. If I were a woman in a painting, I'd probably be at my best in a Cezanne; Vermeer's a long way down the road.

 

As a side note to all of this, what a right-of-passage it's been to take my male self into a store and shop for women's clothing. Getting up the nerve to select something as intimate as a brassiere is tough. Are women even allowed to try on brassieres? It seems it would be most helpful to be able to try one on to get the right fit--like shoes. Perhaps it's best to buy a few, try them at home? Any recommendations for stores? (I live in Twin Cities, Minnesota.) 

 

This is my first post. Seems like a good place to get practical advice. I appreciate the resource and wish everyone well!

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forum! I'm a relative newbie and I'm sure others with more experience will chime in but here's my thoughts. Bras are not just a function of bust size but also have a band size. To fit yourself, you need to measure your chest just below your bust line - where the band of the bra will fit. Measuring just under your nipples will give you your bust size.  For example, I wear a 42B - band size of 42 and a cup size B. 

 

Here is a link on the forum to clothing size guidance and there's a section on bras: https://www.transgenderpulse.com/clothing-size-charts/   Remember, though, that you need to know both measurements when you buy.

 

Perhaps a lightly padded bra is what you are looking for since you don't wear breast forms or have natural breasts that would fill out the cups. You might also look at sports bras - they typically are available in small/medium/large sizes and many have a pad insert that provide additional support for one's breasts or, for you, will give you just a bit of shape.

 

Just some thoughts and, again, welcome to the forum!

[Astrid]

12 hours ago, Jenn_Martin said:

It seems it would be most helpful to be able to try one on to get the right fit--like shoes. Perhaps it's best to buy a few, try them at home? 

One option at stores that don't monitor fittig rooms is to pick up one of those typically mesh bags stores provide near entrances. Select a bra in several sizes, putting them in the bag. Then simply head for the fitting room and see what works for you.

 Rinse and repeat as needed. 

 

[VickySGV]

Down in the lowest edge and to the right of the page is a small section that mentions that sponsorship for this page is provided by The Breast Form Store. (The give us a donation for the costs of running the site) and they have some tables for finding out what bra sizes you need.  They also have inserts for bras as well as actual breast forms to use.  Their charts let you do a little dreaming of what you want to be.

 

Another way I would also suggest is calling your nearest LGBTQ Center and see if they have clothing swap closets or swap events where they will actually give you a bra or two and a member or employee of the center will help measure you to find your size.  Transgender Day Of Visibility is coming up in March which is when the Centers are ready for us and happy to have us come in (although they are always happy that way.) 

 

The smaller lingerie stores in the LGBTQ neighborhoods in your Cities are also going to be Trans Friendly and they too will help measure you and give advice on what your breasts should look like to fit your overall body.

 

Old joke!  Why do new Trans women have square Boobs??  They forget to take the Kleenex's out of the box. 

[Rhonda234]

I Find that thel ighly padded  razor back sports bras with front zipper to work the best for me

 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, @Jenn_Martin .  Welcome to the forum.

 

I vividly recall my first bra-shopping trip.  I had my wife along for emotional and technical support, but it was still nerve-wracking.  I was pre-HRT and presenting in boy mode at the time.  On my wife's advice, I took several bras into the change room and tried them on.  Fortunately, the store was not busy, but I did try to avoid eye contact with women in the change rooms corridor.  I had to remind myself that I was not doing anything illegal or improper.  Unconventional, maybe, but nothing wrong with that.  I accomplished my goal, which was to get something to wear to the trans support group meetings.

 

Another approach is to buy sports bras.  They are usually stretchy enough to fit a range of sizes, so you don't need to try them on in the store.

 

Good luck!

[Jenn_Martin]

Kathy, April, Astrid, Rhonda, Vicki,

 

Thanks all of you for responding. Appreciate the advice about checking my local LGBTQ center for a clothing swap. I'll look into that. Also, appreciate the comment about the mesh bags. I went shopping on Saturday and found a store, a Kohl's, that had unstaffed changing rooms. Very nice to go in and try things on. I was able to come away with a much clearer idea about what I need. April's comments about a lightly padded bra appears to be the way to go, given my objectives. When I looked in the mirror at myself in a jeans skirt and a camisole over a brassiere, I could see the woman that I feel I am inside. That was very moving. Nice to share; I know you all get it.  Glad to report that I'm slowly getting less self-conscious about shopping for women's stuff. It's all practice toward going out in a skirt at some point.

 

Here's another common thing I'm looking for: shoes. I wear about a 12.5 to 13 in men's shoes. I  know (more or less) how to size for women's shoes. There are three types I'd love to own someday. Any recommendations for places to shop (that aren't super expensive), either brick & mortar or online?

1. Black casual "Chinese" slippers that you could wear with a skirt and tights.
2. Calf-high boots (low heals)
3. Lace-up dress boot that you could wear with jeans.

 

My sons tell me I'm a granola girl. They have a point. If anyone has insights off the top of her head, I'd welcome hearing from you.

 

Again, thanks to all of you for taking the time to respond. Much appreciated!

 

Jennifer

 

 

[April Marie]

5 hours ago, Jenn_Martin said:

Kathy, April, Astrid, Rhonda, Vicki,

 

Thanks all of you for responding. Appreciate the advice about checking my local LGBTQ center for a clothing swap. I'll look into that. Also, appreciate the comment about the mesh bags. I went shopping on Saturday and found a store, a Kohl's, that had unstaffed changing rooms. Very nice to go in and try things on. I was able to come away with a much clearer idea about what I need. April's comments about a lightly padded bra appears to be the way to go, given my objectives. When I looked in the mirror at myself in a jeans skirt and a camisole over a brassiere, I could see the woman that I feel I am inside. That was very moving. Nice to share; I know you all get it.  Glad to report that I'm slowly getting less self-conscious about shopping for women's stuff. It's all practice toward going out in a skirt at some point.

 

Here's another common thing I'm looking for: shoes. I wear about a 12.5 to 13 in men's shoes. I  know (more or less) how to size for women's shoes. There are three types I'd love to own someday. Any recommendations for places to shop (that aren't super expensive), either brick & mortar or online?

1. Black casual "Chinese" slippers that you could wear with a skirt and tights.
2. Calf-high boots (low heals)
3. Lace-up dress boot that you could wear with jeans.

 

My sons tell me I'm a granola girl. They have a point. If anyone has insights off the top of her head, I'd welcome hearing from you.

 

Again, thanks to all of you for taking the time to respond. Much appreciated!

 

Jennifer

 

 

Well, this put a smile on my face! I am so happy that you had that "It's me!!" moment when you saw yourself in the mirror! How wonderful you must have felt!!! 

 

Shoes are a huge challenge - I normally wear a 10.5 to 11 in men's sizing and even that makes it difficult to find everyday styles...although I can rock a pair of 6" platform stilettos at times. 🙂

 

Check out Amazon - specifically a manufacturer called Ataiwee. They make flats in wide sizes and I have bought blue and black versions in a 11.5W that fit well. The prices are also reasonable. Here's a link to a pair as an example.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Ataiwee-Womens-Casual-Pointed-1905016-3/dp/B09KMXJPXX/ref=sr_1_9?crid=1KY39V2X0XAZ&keywords=ataiwee&qid=1676883912&sprefix=ataiwee%2Caps%2C788&sr=8-9

 

Although they make boots, too, it doesn't look like they have larger sizes there.

 

I actually found my ankle boots through DSW on-line. Another option is eBay where you'll end up buying shoes made in China but they do make larger sizes and typically offer half-sizing which is important for comfort. Many times the listing will reflect a foot measurement chart that will help you size them - sizing in shoes/clothing from there tends to run smaller than US sizing so the measurement is critical. You might have to wait a bit for delivery, but they have a wide range of shoes and boots available.

 

Hopefully, someone else will also have ideas. I'm always looking for "everyday" shoes and heels, too, that fit.

 

Hope this helps a bit. I am so, so very happy for you!!!

[Ivy]

Welcome Jennifer

When I first started, a bra was important to me.  Oddly perhaps less so now.  I got a couple online after taking measurements.  It is hard to find large bands with small cups.

Cup size is related to band size, so the bigger the band, the larger an "A" cup would actually be.  Sports bras are a good suggestion.

 

Shoes…. Alas.  

Finding women's shoes for big feet is a challenge.  For myself, I need at least 12 1/2 women's size.  A 12 is maybe yes - maybe no.  But when I see something I like, size 11 is usually the max available.  Sometimes I just resort to a man's shoe if it's gender neutral enough.

[April Marie]

Jennifer,

 

These are a pair of the black flats I mentioned in my last post. I purchased them thru Amazon and made by Ataiwee. They are a Women's size 11.5 Wide and fit my size 10.5 to 11 foot perfectly. I thought they might be a good option for you to wear with a skirt or even jeans/pants - I'm wearing them with an above-the-ankle skirt today.

 

 

[VickySGV]

For larger shoes, look at brands and stores targeted to the Black and Samoan Women's communities.  The women in those groups have consistently larger feet than other women's.   The same shoe vendor in the white and Asian areas near me had smaller sizes than the company stores in those communities just a few miles away from me. 

[Jenn_Martin]

11 hours ago, Ivy said:

Welcome Jennifer

When I first started, a bra was important to me.  Oddly perhaps less so now.  I got a couple online after taking measurements.  It is hard to find large bands with small cups.

Cup size is related to band size, so the bigger the band, the larger an "A" cup would actually be.  Sports bras are a good suggestion.

 

Shoes…. Alas.  

Finding women's shoes for big feet is a challenge.  For myself, I need at least 12 1/2 women's size.  A 12 is maybe yes - maybe no.  But when I see something I like, size 11 is usually the max available.  Sometimes I just resort to a man's shoe if it's gender neutral enough. Yes, I've learned that large bands/small cups are not that common.

Hi, Ivy,

 

Thanks for the input. I found two bras that are a couple clicks more fashionable than sports bras. They are slightly padded and the cups aren't entirely isolated from one another, so they're easy to pad. Inserting a small microfiber cloth creates a nice illusion/suggestion of breasts.

 

Looks like it's going to be a while before I get the shoes I'd like. Probably look for gender neutral men's sizes. I notice that many men's and women's ankle boots and fashionable lace-up boots look similar. It is only with calf-high boots that women's fashion really takes off (IMHO) into a league of its own. I don't find that most men's boots can compare with all the different designs in women's high-top boots. And all of them, it seems, too small for me!  Nice to see them, though.

 

Thanks for the input!

 

Jenn

[Jenn_Martin]

7 hours ago, April Marie said:

Jennifer,

 

These are a pair of the black flats I mentioned in my last post. I purchased them thru Amazon and made by Ataiwee. They are a Women's size 11.5 Wide and fit my size 10.5 to 11 foot perfectly. I thought they might be a good option for you to wear with a skirt or even jeans/pants - I'm wearing them with an above-the-ankle skirt today.

 

 

Thanks, April. And thanks for the pix.  I looked at the shoes in the link. The ones I'm looking for would be more round-toed and perhaps have a strap over the top of the foot. I'd probably do best with a shoe like that, which fit securely. I have a high arch, so I imagine I might find myself stepping out the looser shoes as I walk. For me, getting the right fit for men's shoes--much less women's shoes--has always been difficult. I find it a crap shoot to order online without first having tried on the shoes I am buying. I'll take my time looking around town, perhaps follow Vicki's advice to check out stores in the communities she referenced.

 

Hope you're having a good day!

 

Jenn

[April Marie]

1 hour ago, Jenn_Martin said:

Thanks, April. And thanks for the pix.  I looked at the shoes in the link. The ones I'm looking for would be more round-toed and perhaps have a strap over the top of the foot. I'd probably do best with a shoe like that, which fit securely. I have a high arch, so I imagine I might find myself stepping out the looser shoes as I walk. For me, getting the right fit for men's shoes--much less women's shoes--has always been difficult. I find it a crap shoot to order online without first having tried on the shoes I am buying. I'll take my time looking around town, perhaps follow Vicki's advice to check out stores in the communities she referenced.

 

Hope you're having a good day!

 

Jenn

Jenn,

 

Go take a look at their Amazon store - they have round toed as well as shoes with ankle and arch straps - I'm actually going to get a pair of those next. In any case, scrub eBay and other places, too. Good hunting!! 🙂

[Jenn_Martin]

21 hours ago, April Marie said:

 

 

 

21 hours ago, April Marie said:

Jenn,

 

Go take a look at their Amazon store - they have round toed as well as shoes with ankle and arch straps - I'm actually going to get a pair of those next. In any case, scrub eBay and other places, too. Good hunting!! 🙂

 

Hi, April: I took your advice to jump on ebay. I just started poking around. Anyway, here's a picture of the gold standard for my idea of "black 'Chinese' slippers." Of course, they may not be Chinese at all, but for some reason that's the place I associate them with. Of course. sizes (so far) run too small. There are male counterparts. Martial arts slippers and the like. I'm sure I'll have better luck there finding my size. I'll poke around awhile.  Best, Jenn

[Ivy]

Those are nice.

[Jenn_Martin]

Yeah, I love them.  Funny, growing up I never gave much conscious attention to women's fashion. But I have a really deep sense about what I like. Now that I'm conscious about being trans and actually wanting to wear all of this stuff, I just go out and let that part of me select what appeals--and let the other 95% slide. All that said, I have a lot to learn about mixing and matching what I do have. Be good at some point to run some of this past other trans women who might be able to save me the trouble of heading out the door looking goofy.  

[April Marie]

1 hour ago, Jenn_Martin said:

 

Hi, April: I took your advice to jump on ebay. I just started poking around. Anyway, here's a picture of the gold standard for my idea of "black 'Chinese' slippers." Of course, they may not be Chinese at all, but for some reason that's the place I associate them with. Of course. sizes (so far) run too small. There are male counterparts. Martial arts slippers and the like. I'm sure I'll have better luck there finding my size. I'll poke around awhile.  Best, Jenn

Ahh, I see what you're looking for. I think the closest US style would be a Mary Jane flat of some type. I'll keep my eye out for them - I always enjoy a good hunting challenge. 

 

Like you, I am learning my style and how to put outfits together. We need something like Garanimals for Trans Women. 🙂 It's funny but I have always shied away from colors in clothing...now I love them.

[Jenn_Martin]

23 hours ago, April Marie said:

Ahh, I see what you're looking for. I think the closest US style would be a Mary Jane flat of some type. I'll keep my eye out for them - I always enjoy a good hunting challenge. 

 

Like you, I am learning my style and how to put outfits together. We need something like Garanimals for Trans Women. 🙂 It's funny but I have always shied away from colors in clothing...now I love them.

I can relate to your response. I had to look up "Garanimals." Hah: apt!  Regarding clothing, it's been interesting to see a different side of me open up as I've awoken to my female gender later in life. Previously, I dressed pretty colorlessly--often, jeans and a gray t-shirt. A lot of gray and rather worn stuff in my drawers. I still like quieter colors, but a richer pallet, and all those great feminine lines in skirts and camisoles and the like: what a pleasure. I really enjoy wearing the clothing I've been getting lately, both for its aesthetic appeal and for how it affirms the way I feel about myself, but cannot otherwise see (very easily). Who would have thought a person could be so consoled and affirmed by a boat-neck top, a pair of leg-warmers, and skirt from Goodwill?

 

I'll take a look at the Mary Jane flat. Thanks for the tips. Wish you a good evening!

[Lydia_R]

I found an inexpensive bikini set online a year ago that had a small padded bra.  It just pulls over and is somewhat stretchy.  I found that it does what I want and I feel great wearing it.  And I don't have to pad it more.  Now that I've been on HRT for 6 months, it's filling out a little bit more.

 

The bikini bottoms also fit well and I love wearing them.  I've still got to wait a couple years for the hot tub to complete the look

[Jenn_Martin]

On 2/20/2023 at 8:08 PM, April Marie said:

Jenn,

 

Go take a look at their Amazon store - they have round toed as well as shoes with ankle and arch straps - I'm actually going to get a pair of those next. In any case, scrub eBay and other places, too. Good hunting!! 🙂

23 hours ago, Lydia_R said:

I found an inexpensive bikini set online a year ago that had a small padded bra.  It just pulls over and is somewhat stretchy.  I found that it does what I want and I feel great wearing it.  And I don't have to pad it more.  Now that I've been on HRT for 6 months, it's filling out a little bit more.

 

The bikini bottoms also fit well and I love wearing them.  I've still got to wait a couple years for the hot tub to complete the look

Just now, Jenn_Martin said:

Thanks for sharing. I found a couple of bras similar to what you're describing at, of all places, Walmart. They were inexpensive and do what I hoped: create a little loft, an impression of breasts that complement what I wear and make me feel great. I've had the curious experience to notice that while the illusion works, I've come to find myself longing for the sensation actual breasts, as when you lean forward. Makes sense. Interesting to watch the myself unfolding to myself. So nice to be awake in this way.

 

 

[Louise B]

Jenn, you may have already resolved your immediate bra needs but always explore whether your city (or one to which you can travel) may be trans-friendly.  In San Francisco, Revelation In Fit is not only inclusive but will schedule you for a private bra fitting.  They also have an online store and some styles will go to the sizes we special girls need.  See https://store26473296.shopsettings.com/ for the online store and https://www.revelationinfit.com/ for the brick and mortar website.  This is not a commercial plug but sharing a resource.  As they say on their website:

Everyone Deserves a Bra that Fits

At Revelation in Fit, you will find amazing and attentive customer service, a truly astonishing size range: 28-48 band, AA-KK cup (170+ sizes!), expert fitting services, and a welcoming, body-positive, LGBTQA+ friendly atmosphere.