Wife won’t allow cd in bedroom

[Hannah84]

Hello everyone. So I’m in quite the dilemma.

my wife has know about my cding for many years. I have asked her to allow me to cd while having sex with me. She is ok with sex but won’t allow dressing. 
is there any ways that others have gotten their wives to partake and allow them to dress while having sex.

 

she has know for 5-6 years but won’t partake. About 4 months ago, she had to quit working due to health reasons. I have been off work for over a year due to an accident I had and cannot work right now. I used to dress and have playtime by myself while she was at work. Now that we’re both off work, she doesn’t leave the house unless we go together. 
Since she’s at home and won’t allow me to dress, how do I get her to go out for the day so I can dress and do makeup/fun. 
I haven’t been able to dress for a long time and I’m craving it so much lately. 
any suggestions. 
thanks in advance

 

 

Edited February 22, 2023 by VickySGV
Slang term removed

[Carolyn Marie]

5 hours ago, Hannah84 said:

Since she’s at home and won’t allow me to dress, how do I get her to go out for the day so I can dress and do makeup/fun. 

 

 

One thing I'd like to understand, hon, is how she "doesn't allow" you to dress at home?  Does she threaten you, yell, threaten to tell someone, or some other means of controlling you?  You are an adult, you share the home, you could make arrangements to dress while she goes shopping at the mall, seeing a movie, etc.  You aren't a child, and she isn't your mother, so you have some rights in the home you share.  I'm not suggesting you make demands, but you do have the choice to assert your rights.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Hannah84]

So….. yeah…. Kids are normally gone to school during the day. She’s home and doesn’t like to see anything fem or to do with cding. I’ve underdressed many times. As soon as she figures that out she gets all grumpy and puts up a fuss. 
she doesn’t like it either way, in front of her or behind her back….. she will wait until the kids come home before she goes anywhere just so that I can’t dress or don’t have the time to.

she gets mad if I do it in front of her, she won’t give me time to do my thing. It’s kinda frustrating. I love my wife. Just wish she would understand me better.

[Jackie C.]

I'd be frank. "This is a thing I need to do to relax sometimes. How about we schedule some time during the week so I can do my thing. We can schedule another time during the week where we can go do something that you enjoy. You don't have to help me with it. You don't have to see it, but you need to give me time to do this or I'm going to start to resent you and I don't want that to ruin our relationship. What do you say? Think about it if you have to, but this is part of who I am."

 

Best of luck!

 

Hugs!

[Jenn_Martin]

It's been about two years since I recognized my actual gender and have begun to dress as a woman. This has been incredibly difficult on my 27-year marriage, and we have had many long, emotionally exhausting conversations. We have been learning to respectfully speak our truths to each other and in that more effectively understand what each of us needs (or is needing, for this evolves as we talk). What's the subtext: what are we saying under what we are saying? A current bottom line is that she needs a man for a husband, while I need to be what I've been all along and never knew it -- a woman. Despite the paradox, we may actually figure out how to remain together, though the answer is still unclear and in the works. What has been really helpful for me is a communication book that my therapist recommended. It has provided me with some  practical tips to support a mature conversation. It also has given me insights that have helped me face and work through my blind spots. My applying this reading to our circumstances has helped my wife as well. Clarifying what we each need, what we each can give--and what we cannot give--has gotten us through a few painful impasses. Lately I've been dressing as a woman, and it's not the crises it had been. To serve her needs, we've taken sexual expectations off of the table. Doing this has given her the space she needs. We hug one another and are able to enjoy each other's company and continue to work on things a day at a time. Still tough, but much improved. The book is called The New Rules of Marriage by Terrence Real. BTW: "BetterWorldBooks is a great site to buy used books, usually ones discarded from public libraries. Good prices, really cheap shipping.  Good luck to you!  --Jenny