The bathroom thing happened

[happyinvermont]

Went bowling with some friends today. Once we were done I had to pee. Walking up to the two bathroom doors I stopped and looked at them and was wondering what to use. Either one wouldn't be a good choice. I quickly ran into the men's and went into a cubicle. Did my business and out. What do we do in public places with no unisex bathroom 

[KathyLauren]

The normal rule is that you use the bathroom that matches your presentation.  I am full-time female, so I use the women's room.  Someone who is gender-fluid or presenting part-time would use whichever bathroom matches their presentation at the time.

 

If your presentation is androgynous, then you have a dilemma.  You get to choose, I guess.  The safest option in some places might be to go to the one that matches your gender assigned at birth.  But that might not be a terribly safe option either.  Probably what you did was the best option: just pick one and go.

[GlitchedSalvation]

women's room, it's cleaner.

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, happyinvermont said:

i quickly ran into the men's and went into a cubicle. Did my business and out.

You did just fine and got it at lease 50% right.  The other 50% right works for female rooms as well.  For what it is worth, actual women are less judgmental than men are in all but a few places because women come in so many different sizes,shapes, clothing styles, make-up and demeanor. I recommend the buddy system for either restroom unless you know the establishment very well.  A Tomboy woman and a girly woman as bathroom buddies are absolutely normal and will not be bothered with.  If you are alone, look like you own the place and do what you did in this case.  Sending someone the message that you think you belong there is the way to go.   

[Padma]

I rarely use bathroom outside of my home and work. At work , HR has given me full authority, to use women's room and I just walk , park , pee , do some makeup and move on. Off late, I'm getting Electrolysis, so my face is swollen most of the times. So, I just wear a mask and roam around. I wear a office level Tee and a standard women's pant. Works for me. Many see me and bend their head and walk away, some say  Hi, some hi sweety ..so on so forth..

[Jupiter]

I've only just starting presenting femme at work (last few weeks) and I'm having this.  Last week I went into the ladies on my floor and there was someone in a cubicle so I was turned around and walked back out, so I went into the mens and a colleage walked in whilst I was washing my hands and I felt I had to apologise to him for making things awkward.

 

This week I used the ladies and it was fine.  Another colleague of mine has offered to go with me if I'm feeling shy about it (that's even more awkward!).  The point of going into the one that more closely matches your presentation at the time is I would say good advice.

 

I'm undergoing hair removal on my face atm and lets just say its making things difficult.  I can only wear makeup for a day and then have to take a few days off, and I just can't face trying to present femme with beard shadow or stubble.

On Monday I'm presenting as NB (long hair, hoodie, skinny jeans) and use the mens and on Tuesday I present femme, then give  it  a few days and present femme again on Thursday or Friday and then the weekend to recover.  I'm currently using They/Them pronouns but I'm going to be using a femme name soon so I'll be effectively switcing between 2 identites from a presentation point of view... 

[Padma]

10 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 Last week I went into the ladies on my floor and there was someone in a cubicle so I was turned around and walked back out.

Never do this, When you walk in to a ladies restroom, just walk in with all confidence. On my first visit , there was there lady who walked in and was startled. But, seeing me I was adjusting my bra, she went into the cubicle to do her thing.

10 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

This week I used the ladies and it was fine.  Another colleague of mine has offered to go with me if I'm feeling shy about it (that's even more awkward!).  

Once is fine, but don't make it a habit it will make you dependent and your confidence will dwindle if you don't have one to accompany you.  Train your mind. You are planning to be a woman. just be one. 

 

I'm bit different, my boldness is something a package that i was born with.

10 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

I'm undergoing hair removal on my face atm and lets just say its making things difficult.  I can only wear makeup for a day and then have to take a few days off, and I just can't face trying to present femme with beard shadow or stubble.

That's fine , I develop a 5 o clock shadow too. Even with hrs of Electrolysis I have that tint on my upper lips showing mustache. I don't do too much make up either , no extended eye-lashes or liners. Just pure guts. I have close to B cup size  and that simply projects my femininity. Also, make sure HR is aware of your trans gender identity and to be on a cleaner side get them to ratify your position for your toilet visits.

 

Keep posted

Yours sis,

Ira.

 

10 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Sounds like you're doing OK with it. 

 

Since my appearance is kind of androgynous, I can sort of fit in either bathroom....but I also don't really fit in either bathroom.  If possible, I don't use public facilities alone.  When I'm out with others, I go where they go.  With my husband, it's the mens room....and I've even learned how to do the stand-up thing, although it is a stall-only maneuver.  My husband doesn't use the urinals either, says it is a security thing.  I just do what he does, and it feels fine.  With my female partners or friends, I go to the womens room. 

 

Kind of crazy, but my GF will use the mens room if the women's is full, just because she's bold and doesn't care.  She has nearly waist-length blonde hair and is clearly ALL girl.  🥴 Wherever you go, just act like you own the place.  Somebody hassles you?  Stick out your tongue and blow them a raspberry....slightly childish and bit less rude than some hand gestures.   I've learned from my GF that assertive behavior wins more than half the battle. 

[Gizmo]

My first time in a public bathroom happened after 'I had received my second testosterone injection, and with my male haircut and clothes, I think I looked a bit of both genders. Well, I was on my way to visit a friend in Cologne, and when I needed to pee, I stopped at some petrol station on the highway. Walked in and found the male restrooms to the left, and the female ones to the right. In the middle sat a woman who cleaned there. I think I hesitated a few seconds too long, because she told me, while pointing in said direction, where the women`s restrooms were. With my head hung low I went to the female rooms, and while I sat on the toilet, my thoughts went berserk in my head. How did she know? Was my passing as a guy that bad? Why didn`t I tell her I`m a man? Why didn`t I just walk over to the men`s rooms? And finally I thought, I should go back home, lock myself into my room, until the damn breasts are gone. 

I left the building in a hurry, just to sit in my car, not knowing what to do next. To make it short, I went to see that friend, and it was a nice weekend.

 

 

 

[Charlize]

    i'm sorry you were not able to use your preferred restroom.  it may well have been your hesitation that made her direct you to the ladies room.  There are many women with short hair wearing "male" clothing which may have contributed as well.  

    Glad your weekend was good regardless!.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[missyjo]

Dear Happyinvermont,

honey I think KathyLauren n the other girls nailed it, you go in wherever you are presenting as. I know I don't pass but 2 or 3 weeks ago I started using ladies room  at first because mens was full n I heard the newspaper so he was parked. I apologized to a woman the 1st 2 times I saw someone in there and they were both like honey no worries. pee n fix your makeup like the rest of us. as I thought about it  I think we're more out of place in mens room..consider, if a man has his young son in mens room n I walk in  short hair but makeup, ddds, jewelry, purse n heels he has to explain why there's a homely looking woman in men's room n all that. in ladies room they have to explain to their daughter that not everyone was born as pretty as others  n drop it. there's no genitalia check..yet. so I agree, whatever you're presenting as go in confidently n do your thing n leave. nobody will care.

hugs. good luck

[Birdie]

I know from experience that adjusting your bra in the men's room won't fly over too well. I got caught doing that once. 

I started doing that in a stall when I was still pretending to be male. 

I haven't gotten the courage yet to enter the ladies room, but I'll get there. 

For now I use the all-gender bathrooms. 

[Ashley0616]

I have had to use the public bathroom a few times now and I use the ladies bathroom. I don't carry on any conversations. I just go in and do my business. There was one time I had time to talk and was scared my male voice might slip and thankfully it didn't. 

[missyjo]

Birdie n Ashley 

I think we worry way too much.

I don't pass but I try to blend n be nice  n other women, don't give it a 2nd thought dear  it's odd the first few times n for awhile I kept to mens rooms thinking if anyone checked o could pull out a penis n justify being there, n other than whatever new laws get passed saying public does not include transgender people  o feel much more at home in girls rest rooms...joining gym this week n plan to meet first n be clear..missy is a girl n I would not think of showering or changing in men's rooms..we all ok with this? I expect them to be as they pride themselves on their diversity program 

 

so, act like you belong, use the stall, wash your hands  m fix your makeup. you'll get used to it soon n feel, at home 

hugs

[Birdie]

41 minutes ago, missyjo said:

first few times n for awhile I kept to mens rooms thinking if anyone checked o could pull out a penis n justify being there

That means the men's room is out for me. I don't have one of those. 😉

[Robin.C]

I stopped using mens restrooms a year b4 I came out.

Here is Australia there are disabled toilets and as long as nobody is lining up or around I used them.

Was so glad to come out socially and start using the womens restrooms. Most women aren't bothered, and those that are are bothered by ALL women 😮

Same at work, was using disabled toilets throughout the building if one was being used. Go a few odd looks until I came out.

The biggest shock to me wasn't being able to go in there, but the difference to mens restrooms.

Ours here smell nicer and just are cleaner.

Do your makeup, adjust your bra (a lot of women wear chicken fillets) for the business advantage ... LOL.

Believe in who you are, avoid the deer in the headlights look, be confident you are supposed to be there and nobody (at least here) bothers. Try to say easy things, like hi or what is American .. howdy ? In the best girl voice you can muster.

 

Best wishes on enjoying your true self.

Oops I may have read this the wrong way around.

It is okay to wait for a stall in the mens if you need it, though it depends on the place and the men. Some are downright weird.

 

Hugs

Robyn

[missyjo]

Birdie..lucky you.wish mine was gone.  

 

Robyn, agree ours are cleaner n better cared for. your strategy seems sound too. 

 

hugs

 

missy jo 

[Birdie]

2 hours ago, missyjo said:

Birdie..lucky you.wish mine was gone.  

 

Robyn, agree ours are cleaner n better cared for. your strategy seems sound too. 

 

hugs

 

missy jo 

Mine never grew, I'm intersex. 🤣

[AllieJ]

The only trouble I have had was trying to use men's rooms. The first time was at Manila airport, I really needed to go, and I was pre coming out, but my bits had retreated internally. I usually just used a cubicle, but they were all full, so I had to try use the urinal. I thought I could aim a stream, but I sprayed everywhere, on my pants and shoes, and worse, a man stepped in beside me and I sprayed on his shoes too! I said sorry, quickly washed my dripping hands, and ran out of the restrooms in tears. My wife was waiting outside, took one look at me, and knew what had happened. I was so embarrassed on the 1 hour flight as I smelled badly of urine. I cried again on the plane....

 

The second time was after I went full time, but I wasn't fully passable. I took my grandsons to a play centre, and the youngest ran from the play area holding his hands over his crotch, indicating he desperately needed to go! We ran to the restrooms to find a line of women waiting to get into the women's, but nobody outside the men's. I knew I had no option but to take my 4 year old into the men's, and thankfully, there was no one in there. We got to a cubicle, he did his business, and we got out without anyone coming in, but a woman saw us coming out, and made a disgusted face at me. I was tempted to challenge her, but I didn't want to expose my grandson to this, so we went back to the play area. I'm sure she had clocked me as trans, and assumed I was doing something horrible with my youngster, but we were at the play centre for another hour, and nobody came to question me. I did have my licence with me showing my female name .

 

I never have trouble using the women's public restrooms.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[missyjo]

birdie  ah  that explains it...must have been..challenging n now  is a blessing, yes?

 

Allie I think you did only reasonable thing both times dear though I'm sorry about the plane ride..

 

hugs 

[Birdie]

1 minute ago, missyjo said:

birdie  ah  that explains it...must have been..challenging n now  is a blessing, yes?

@missyjo Well, school locker rooms were always a bit weird since I didn't have something like everyone else. Then of course the breasts started growing about 12ish, that really made me look out of place. The coaches weren't much help either since they made no accommodations whatsoever. AMAB I was to use that locker room. 

I have a what they call a severe micropenis, so I have less than 1". It resembles a large clitoris is all. AMAB based solely off the fact that I also have testes. 

My later breast development was always a head scratcher for doctors until recently, some doctors mentioned intersex.

I pressured my current doctor to investigate further, and the ultrasound discovered a uterus and fallopian tubes, typical for PMSD a genetic disorder. I do however have XY chromosomes, so my doctor will not issue me the letter needed to change my gender in the state of Texas. 

 

Running in "boy mode" was never a good fit, and never felt right either. It was horrible especially trying to hide my breasts all those years. 

 

My breasts decided they were not growing, and I am assuming because of lower testosterone levels (I'm almost 60). They became impossible to hide, and I have always felt female anyways, so I now identity as female.

Now my breasts "belong" on my chest. I have breasts because I am female. 🙆‍♀️

 

I can even pull off a women's swimsuit since I have nothing much to mention down there. 

 

So yes, it's a blessing for me now that I have let my body lead the way and accepted myself. 💖

 

[Alessia]

On 3/18/2023 at 1:53 AM, happyinvermont said:

Went bowling with some friends today. Once we were done I had to pee. Walking up to the two bathroom doors I stopped and looked at them and was wondering what to use. Either one wouldn't be a good choice. I quickly ran into the men's and went into a cubicle. Did my business and out. What do we do in public places with no unisex bathroom 

If there were only unisex toilets, we would not have this problem. Of course we need bathrooms for disabled people too and one for a mother with a baby. But imagine going in a diverse toilet because you can not go in the mens room anymore and respect the biologocal women too much and go before fully transition into female room is not an option too. Then you have only the diverse and ther is a big shield pointing at you. Look here is the Transperson please make photos. Its not anonym and that is risky.

[missyjo]

birdie

just hugs you. I'm sorry you went through that pain dear. 

we love you exactly as you are

hugs 

missyjo 

[Birdie]

20 minutes ago, Alessia said:

Look here is the Transperson please make photos

I guess I'm lucky in the fact that I'm also in a wheelchair. It looks natural when I choose the all-gender family bathroom. They just assume it's because I'm disabled. 

Heading towards the one at the Mail I got some weird looks since I have to pass them men's room to get to it.

[Alessia]

1 minute ago, Birdie said:

I guess I'm lucky in the fact that I'm also in a wheelchair. It looks natural when I choose the all-gender family bathroom. They just assume it's because I'm disabled. 

Heading towards the one at the Mail I got some weird looks since I have to pass them men's room to get to it.

I am not sure if it was sarcasm or just your way to be a very positive person. I hope it is the latter one. My grandfather was in a wheelchair too but he had so much love and hope in his heart, he was on of the most amazing persons I have ever met in my life. I was still a kid as he died and I would never ever be naughty always following his rules since he was a strict but kind person. He was just the best granddad anyone can wish to have.