Weird looks from people 2-4 months hrt

[Pacificlife1994]

So ever since I was two months in I have been getting weird looks from some people.I wear all guys clothes flannel jeans although skinny and bear paw boots.one guy at home depot asked somebody they were with,was that a guy or a woman? Also just confused looks.Although the other day I was carrying my moms purse and a woman in her 30s said nice bag not sarcastically so there is that?

[VickySGV]

Sounds like you are chugging along the track there.  Keep it going.

[Charlize]

If you are bi-gender i would guess being seen as either male or female would puzzle many who live in a binary world.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Pacificlife1994]

I’m not sure what bi gender is I think I understand.I’m not sure if I’m two spirit or if I’m just programmed to behave male  in certain instances and mentally especially when under stress.when I’m stressed out I find myself diverting back to my egotistical self,my more what I call male self and it makes me uncomfortable for different reasons.I can handle short term stress,but long term especially when it brings out the masculine side of me I find to be very distressing.At the same time I don’t feel right to be hyper feminine.I kinda feel like feminine but kinda butch ,tomboyish you could say.I really have no body to talk to about this.My mom listens but that’s about it. 

Also is it just me,or does it seem like ever since Covid,so many people are just miserable and full of hate? 

[Sally Stone]

I'm not a big label person, but bigender has always felt like a good fit for me.  It defines my dual spirits, one of which is decidedly masculine and the other which is extremely feminine.  I would be very unhappy if I had to choose one spirit over the other.  I tend to compartmentalize my gender expression keeping it separated and not combining the two, but it sounds as though you are comfortable blending your gender expression, which is perfectly okay.  It may, on occasion, confuse or confound someone who lives their life believing in a binary world, but don't let their narrow-minded views keep you from being who you are, especially if it makes you happy. 

 

As for stress, stressors tend to generate hormonal responses and being only a little ways into HRT I suppose there is still enough testosterone in your system to generate a masculine response.  I suspect this will change over time as the male hormones diminish and the female hormones become dominant.  

[Dillon]

@Pacificlife1994One thing you say resonates for me about my own identity. When I feel stressed, especially when I feel invalidated, I start to think of myself as female. Friends suggested that this could be social dysphoria. In other words for me, my gender is male but society has always told me that I am female, so I was hearing a message from society that I am invalid and my male identity is invalid. When something happens that makes me feel invisible or invalidated, and most stressful situations have that effect on me, the false female self that was defined for me seems like the only real thing. I have learned over time that it helps me if I am thinking of myself as female (which btw never feels good inside me and I almost feel like I don't exist at all these times) to look at where I am feeling stress or to remember if I discussed my gender with a cis person, even if they are trying to be an ally. Looking at these things always stops or slows down the female false identity in me and I start to feel alive again. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I sometimes get a questioning look from people due to my androgynous appearance.  Depending on a viewer's preconceived ideas, I can look like a female or I can look like a teenage boy.  For whatever reason, my face has stayed young and I'm fairly slender, which adds to the confusion.  When I'm with my husband, people really start trying to guess the relationship.  Son?  Little brother?  Daughter?  Sister?  For whatever reason, they rarely guess correctly and people sometimes look shocked when my husband uses the word "partner" since they don't get an answer other than the fact that we're together.  I get a little giggle out of making nosy people confused.  😉

[Pacificlife1994]

On 3/19/2023 at 3:15 PM, Sally Stone said:

I'm not a big label person, but bigender has always felt like a good fit for me.  It defines my dual spirits, one of which is decidedly masculine and the other which is extremely feminine.  I would be very unhappy if I had to choose one spirit over the other.  I tend to compartmentalize my gender expression keeping it separated and not combining the two, but it sounds as though you are comfortable blending your gender expression, which is perfectly okay.  It may, on occasion, confuse or confound someone who lives their life believing in a binary world, but don't let their narrow-minded views keep you from being who you are, especially if it makes you happy. 

 

As for stress, stressors tend to generate hormonal responses and being only a little ways into HRT I suppose there is still enough testosterone in your system to generate a masculine response.  I suspect this will change over time as the male hormones diminish and the female hormones become dominant.  

I just wish the world wasn’t so judge mental and full of hate.I remember wanting to present fem when in middleshool high school but instead of understanding myself I felt ashamed and suppressed that part of me.I graduated high school in 2012 so these feelings were before the media obsession over people like us.basically nothing outside of me influenced my young brain haha.I just sometimes have a hard time dealing with weird looks stares and rude comments.But I think it bothers me more that people can’t just have respect for each other and less about the personal attack.I could have been any other trans person that would have dealt with it but I just happened to be there.And the child drag queen shows the media always is obsessed over doesn’t do us any favors.On top of that the school incident the other day.I think there is a massive anti trans agenda perpetrated by the powers that be,who don’t want to have people see the world differently.we have always existed and the news wants people to think this is a new trend.But there is nothing new under the sun

[missyjo]

sweetie I'd say you're doing fine. my opinion is women are more accepting n sincerely complimentary about little things, your nails, those shoes or jeans..smile, say thank you n mention something nice back to them. but men? I think the best to hope for is non panicked n polite to us. 

I started with a small purse n sort of hid it ..now I use a bigger bag n just drop it over my shoulder n then on the counter when it's time to pay. and it holds all our stiff.

have fun n 

good luck dear

[Birdie]

I have used a purse presenting as a male for about 30 years. Very few people said anything at all, and if they did I would just tell them I had a lot of stuff. 

Of course I still use a purse, and now it just looks natural. Even going out "tomboyish" it's expected that you will have a purse presenting as female. 

Yes, compliments come from other women not men, unless they are checking out your cleavage. 😳 that happens way too much. 

Other women will notice your new hairstyle, nails, clothes, shoes, etc...

Those are real compliments and shoulder be appreciated. 

[missyjo]

Birdie 

oh agree dear, womens comments matter much more, though I had 1 religious zealot tell me he was surprised n um  not familiar with us  but you actually make a pretty good looking woman...laughs from a cis male, married n religiously hateful of us I took that as a valid comment. laughs.

 

missy is never without a purse now  just a matter of which one. laughs 

 

be good darling

hugs 

[Birdie]

6 hours ago, missyjo said:

Birdie 

oh agree dear, womens comments matter much more, though I had 1 religious zealot tell me he was surprised n um  not familiar with us  but you actually make a pretty good looking woman...laughs from a cis male, married n religiously hateful of us I took that as a valid comment. laughs.

 

missy is never without a purse now  just a matter of which one. laughs 

 

be good darling

hugs 

I have only had one confrontation with a religious zealot, and I was still presenting as a male. 

Baggy shirt and bib overalls didn't quite cover up my breasts and the person took notice. 

I got the "leave our kids alone" lecture, and how I was going to burn in hell. 

The whole time I was trying to explain to him I grew boobs naturally because I'm intersex. Had them since puberty. 

He was lecturing but not listening!

End result, he threw his coffee in my face and walked off. 

[missyjo]

what a creep! next time consider reporting him to police for assault..yes its technical n not what people think of but how do I know what he tossed on me..n hot coffee to the face? burns? emotional distress, shame....large fast food place paid 105M because the coffee was too  hot b burned an older ladys leg...I bet they write the bastard up. so sorry

 

my sibling is a religious freak n used to tell me every conversation about my FastTrack to hell for my sinful lifestyle..so I cut off communication..heck my catholic priest doesn't say that so why should I take it from an amateur?

 

sorry honey

 

hugs

[Birdie]

13 minutes ago, missyjo said:

what a creep! next time consider reporting him to police for assault.

Well, because of that confrontation I realized that I couldn't hide my curves. They were noticable no matter what. 

That day I basically decided to start dressing how I felt. I feel like a woman, so I'll dress the part. 

I turned the lemons into lemonade. 😉

[missyjo]

Birdie

 

darling I just love your attitude n approach. I'd give you a big hug n tell you I hope I get that Zenlike someday. you are inspiring darling.

 

thank you for being here for us 

 

hugs

 

missy jo 

[Ivy]

8 hours ago, Birdie said:

I got the "leave our kids alone" lecture, and how I was going to burn in hell.… 

He was lecturing but not listening!

End result, he threw his coffee in my face and walked off.

Seems some people's minds have been so poisoned that they're incapable of rational thought.  How does your wardrobe make you a child molester?  

And besides, child molesters are overwhelmingly cis, and male.  He fit the profile better than you!

[SamC]

I worry all the time whether people see me as a  cis woman, a crossdresser, or as a transgendered woman . I am brand new to the forum, so hope I properly attached my pic. 

[missyjo]

SamC

does it really matter dear, if someone clocks you? I'm sure I'm clocked n I just don't f...ing care anymore. I try to dress nicely n behave as a nice person  and hope that is enough...someday it is n sometimes it ain't. laughs

welcome dear 

hugs 

missy jo 

[SamC]

5 minutes ago, missyjo said:

SamC

does it really matter dear, if someone clocks you? I'm sure I'm clocked n I just don't f...ing care anymore. I try to dress nicely n behave as a nice person  and hope that is enough...someday it is n sometimes it ain't. laughs

welcome dear 

hugs 

missy jo 

missyjo, you are so right.  I am insecure.  And wish I had your confidence.  I just don’t feel safe a lot of time. TBH, I was in a panic over what would happen when I posted my pic. Would it be rejected.  Would I be kicked out.  Would my pic be ridiculed. Thank you for your kind welcome.  I am feeling like this might possibly be a safe space.  
hugs, 

Sam

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, SamC said:

 I am feeling like this might possibly be a safe space.

It is.  Welcome.

[SamC]

Thank you 

[missyjo]

this dear, is probably one of the safest spaces around

 

breath..relax..share thoughts, questions n concerns..no question is stupid dear

 

welcome to our little family

 

hugs

 

missy jo 

[SamC]

1 hour ago, missyjo said:

this dear, is probably one of the safest spaces around

 

breath..relax..share thoughts, questions n concerns..no question is stupid dear

 

welcome to our little family

 

hugs

 

missy jo 

 Thank you so much.  I could use a safe place 

 

I was posting on Reddit about some challenges I had as a teenager.  I got banned for supposedly “sexualizing a minor.”   Not only did I never say anything sexual, but the minor was me 25 years ago, when I had been abused. 
 

It took courage to share that on Reddit and I hoped it would be cathartic.  Instead I felt violated and devalued. 
 

I would never again use Reddit, even if they let me back on. 

[SamC]

On 6/23/2023 at 6:49 PM, Ivy said:

It is.  Welcome.

 Thank you 🙏 

[missyjo]

no worries 

I think we expect  à range of topic but some have different sections where we like ti keep those topics...politiques,  sexual abuse, therapy, réal life, transition issues..

 

good luck sweeite