Confident, But Worried I'm Taking It Too Fast

[Jo Er]

I've still got over a month before my first endocrinology appointment, so still a good amount of time to think, but I think I've talked myself in circles. 

 

I have an already pretty feminine body, and I'm wondering if just cross-dressing would satisfy me. HRT seems to wonderful, and it would give me things which really make me excited (rounded hips, softer skin, breasts, etc), but I'm so worried that it won't work for me. 

 

I've been experimenting with dressing in female clothes in private, and I have really enjoyed it (so long as I don't look at my face, which bothers me with how masculine it looks). I have told my family and several close friends, and they have been very accepting and excited for me, and it felt so good to tell them. I'm getting more excited even as I type this. 

 

But I am scared that this is something which won't make my life better for... some reason. I'm not even sure what reason! I guess I just want to know if this doubt is similar to what others feel.

[Rianon]

Hi, Jo Er

 

I'd stand by for some good advice from others. I never had the chance to try any sort of body modification because of medical conditions making even HRT unwise. But others here have had lots of experience. That's why I say "stand by," you'll be hearing from others shortly. I'm writing chiefly so your post receives a quickie reply and to say WELCOME!

 

Cheers!

Rianon

[Carolyn Marie]

Jo Er, I'm wondering if you've discussed your doubts and anxieties with a therapist?  If you don't have one, I think finding a G.T. would be an excellent idea, and would help you deal with your doubts.

 

Many of us harbored such doubts at the begining; I asked my G.T. if she thought I was "faking it" just to fit in with my notion of being a woman.  She assured me I wasn't, but I still had my doubts.  So yes, what you're feeling is fairly common.

 

I know some trans folks who never have gone the HRT route for various reasons, and they're happy and content with their lives.  Getting HRT will not solve all your problems, nor will surgery.  But if you feel they are necessary for your happiness, then by all means go for it.  If you're not sure, try HRT for a while, see how it makes you feel, and then decide whether to make it a permanent part of your life.  It's a big decision and will effect everything, which is why we recommend seeing a G.T. and talking carefully with your medical doctors.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Mmindy]

Good evening Jo Er,

 

I feel the same way, that's part of the reason I've been taking it slow. I still have a few more professional engagements to do, and don't want to explain the changes just yet. The women in my family, have very large breasts. With my weight loss, I'm looking more and more like my mom, and sisters. Even though the common saying on here about HRT effects: 'Your mileage may differ'. I don't want to be wearing a sports bra, or binder for the last speaking engagements. @Carolyn Marie is spot on when it comes to finding a gender therapist, and seeking out their guidance. 

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Maddee]

38 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

know some trans folks who never have gone the HRT route for various reasons, and they're happy and content with their lives.  Getting HRT will not solve all your problems, nor will surgery.  But if you feel they are necessary for your happiness, then by all means go for it.  If you're not sure, try HRT for a while, see how it makes you feel, and then decide whether to make it a permanent part of your life.  It's a big decision and will effect everything, which is why we recommend seeing a G.T. and talking carefully with your medical doctors.

Yes!    

I transitioned without HRT for several years before starting it.  I looked at it as a big commitment.  A one way trip
 

You say you have a feminine body, that’s great!

For me, what got me by passing early on was my hair and cheekbones.  And electrolysis……………………..Until I accepted that I wanted more and started HRT and surgeries.

 As @Carolyn Marie say, these things help!!!  but they don’t take all problems away.  They can’t erase layers of misadjustment or any lost years you may have.  
Best luck on your journey!

[April Marie]

Like @Carolyn Marie indicated, I also wondered if I was "faking it" and the crossdressing would ease my depression and inner turmoil. I began, after many years of hiding and suppressing my feelings, working with a therapist 3 months ago. And I've vocalized to her that same fear of "faking it." She's helped me to realize that I'm not but, like @Mmindy, I'm also taking things slowly. I would definitely agree that seeking out a therapist qualified in gender issues might be a very positive way to help address/alleviate your concerns.

 

Best wishes no matter what you decide - you've got friends here willing to listen.

[Jo Er]

Thanks to everyone! I have been seeing a therapist about all this, and she has been very helpful and encouraging, while also giving good advice. Honestly, I think I am on track. Keeping a journal has also helped. I really appreciate everyone's honest responses!