Mild bottom dysphoria but at the same time, the idea of having something else is also a bit icky. An

[kazoo]

Im afab and I really dont like the fact my down there would be labeled as female. Id rather be physically be more male. At least down there.

 

However, at the same time, the idea of having a literal third limb there is also very, foreign? Ive never interacted with a penis before, so maybe its just the unfamilairity? Ive thought of bottom growth but then again, its unfamilair, and unfamilairity scares me. 

 

Like, maybe I'd just have to get used to it the same way I'd have to get used to e.g having let say, an extra finger? Ive tried to pack and it makes me feel more confident and gender euphoric, however the idea of having an actual penis doesnt make me happy per se. Well, no sometimes it does: when I imagine a non-detailed one, but then, when imagining a realistic one, it becomes kinda icky? Even though I like the idea of my down there being read as more male.

 

Ideally for me, a vagina would be considered physically male and all my problems would be solved. Does anyone share the same struggle?

[Carolyn Marie]

I can understand how you feel, @kazoo.  After all, many trans women also find it kind of "icky," and are glad to see it go.

 

It isn't a requirement for calling yourself a man, or being a man, unless you feel that it is, and then you have a decision to make.  But there is no rush in making that decision.  I know quite a few trans men, and while I don't know (and would never think to ask) what equipment they have or don't have, they appear very male to me, and also quite happy and satisfied with their lives.  In many cases, I can't tell that they were ever anything but physically a man.

 

Bottom surgery for trans men is far from ideal, and who knows how fast that situation will change.  If it were me, and I was young enough to have the luxury of waiting until bottom surgery techniques change for the better, I would wait.  That's my dos centavos.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Vidanjali]

21 hours ago, kazoo said:

Ideally for me, a vagina would be considered physically male and all my problems would be solved. Does anyone share the same struggle?

 

I can relate. I'm glad you brought this up. It's not so easy to express. Note, I'm ace (asexual), so my perspective on this is purely gendercentric. That said, while I feel more male than female, but ID as nonbinary, I don't desire for the shape of my stuff to change to conform to "male". I just don't like that it's considered female and that my entire ID is based on it according to society. Often, I look in the mirror, see my "feminine" features, and think to myself "you are one weird looking dude." But what if I were just an atypical looking dude, and not "weird", as weird tends to have some negative or deviant connotation. I'm aware of other trans ppl who have similar thoughts. For instance, I have a trans woman friend who is content to be "a woman with a penis". She finds specialness in that. It can make her feel empowered, but that feeling can also turn into dysphoria when perceived according to what is considered "normal". One can find self-acceptance to varying degrees with a lot of effort, but shape and labeling is also in the eye of the beholder (society and individuals). So, it's a balancing act. 

[Dillon]

@kazooI know it's different for everyone, but I think I would feel like a penis was an integrated part of me. I'm not planning on surgery, though, and my bottom dysphoria is mild. It was stronger when I was younger. 

[Gizmo]

Well, at the beginning of my transition my main goal was to get hormones and the breasts removed. With that I would look male. The thought of undergoing phalloplasty scared me at that time. Yes, I wanted to have a penis, but I wanted a real one. And the huge scar that would be on my arm, also scared me. So I bought a packer and tried not to think too much about what was down there.

 

When I was with my first gf, it worked out fine for a while. I told her she was allowed to touch the clitoris, but nothing else, and it was ok for her. But after a while, the realization, that I still had female parts down there led to dysphoria, and I told her not to touch me down there. We both agreed it was time for me to think about getting phalloplasty done. The thought of the huge scar still scared me, so I had metaidoplasty done first. They also removed the vagina during that surgery, so after it was healed I felt better. After 2 years I was standing infront of a mirror, naked, and my down there still looked female. Dysphoria was what followed, and I couldn`t even remove my underwear, when I had sex with my gf. This time she wasn`t understanding at all, but after all, a short while later, we split up.

 

Today I can say, I`m happy to have my penis! It took some time to find out I really needed to have it, and eventually I was able to accept the price would be the huge scar. When someone asks me, it was an accident and I got burned and needed a skin transplant. 

 

So, just take your time, your heart will tell you what to do, and when to do it.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I'm AFAB and intersex, and while I don't find the "girl parts" icky in themselves, I find them inconvenient.  Aunt Flo is never a welcome guest.  Part of me pictures what it might be like to have full male anatomy and no more girl parts.  Part of me would feel a bit confused like that too.  

 

Being intersex, my plumbing is a bit unique and my girl parts ended up being a bit on the large side.  Since last year, I've used a testosterone cream for a mild cosmetic effect, and it has worked for me.  I look a bit more male down there, but not so much to get in the way or be a bother.  Its kind of a middle ground, and doesn't alter anything else about my appearance.

 

I think this is something you can explore with a professional.  I saw a doctor who is trans-friendly, and she was able to talk through the options as they related to my unique body.

[Russ Fenrisson]

I, too, used to have strong bottom dysphoria. When I realized I was really male inside, what used to be something I could shrug off and put away became a hounding and nagging feeling. If anything at all, I wanted to feel the weight of having one, the connectedness of it, and be able to do what most guys do on a daily basis- stand up while using the bathroom. The feeling eventually subsided and nowadays, I feel totally fine not having one. The surgeries available right now don't seem adequate to me, but perhaps in time, I may change my mind and go for it. It really depends on if there are any advances and how I feel about myself after I start T.

 

For a bit, I experimented with packing. Didn't feel ready yet to commit to a packer so I went with the sock method. I can't explain how happy I felt the first time I tried it out. It felt so right and natural. I'll have to experiment here and there, but just wearing something that emulates what I feel in my mind everyday is pretty affirming.

 

At this moment in time, I could totally live without such parts. I see myself as an androgynous guy whose a bit shorter than most guys. A boy essentially. Really, it's how one feels that decides what's right for them. As the old saying goes, one size does not fit all; missing something there does not lessen who you are.