What bullying can do to you (Opioids)

[Gizmo]

In my last job as a paramedic, some collegues started bullying me, they said my medical knowledge and performance was bad, and no matter what I did to proof them wrong, they continued. This went on for 4 years, starting in 2014. In january 2017 I had surgery on my left arm, and needed painkillers (Opioids) for a while. The doctors told me I could not work for the next 3 months, and I felt so relieved. So I started searching for another job, but couldn`t find one, and then time started running out, and the thought of having to go back and deal with those -crappy- collegues again, made me feel bad. So I continued taking the painkillers, not for pain, but for sleep. For a while this worked fine, I told my GP that I still felt pain, and he gave me some more painkillers. I knew I was an addict, but I coulnd`t help and couldn`t stop. In summer 2017, my GP finally said he wouldn`t give me any more painkillers, as it was impossible to still feel pain from the surgery. I tried to convince him, but he just said:" Son, instead of giving you more of this stuff, I will send you to rehab." 

So I went to rehab, they said I should stay for 5 weeks, or even more, but I didn`t want to stay away from my cats that long, and said I want to get off that stuff as fast as possible. They gave me something to make me feel a bit better, but it didn`t help much. I couldn`t sleep at all, I felt like having a bad case of the flu, I suffered from depressions.They asked again, to stay for some more weeks, so they could slow down the process, what would make it easier for me, but I still refused. At night I used to walk through the adjoining park and feed some stray cats, who were living there. These cats kept me sane.

After 2 weeks I was off the Opioids and went home, but the feeling of having the flu stayed for another week. Sometimes I regret not having stayed longer, as I`m worried about the stray cats. 

[Vidanjali]

 @Gizmo good on you for overcoming. Speaking as a former heroin addict, those flu-like symptoms can last a while. When you're dependent on narcotic pain killers, your body's natural chemical mechanisms for handling pain (physical and emotional) atrophy, so to speak. It takes time for things to re-reregulate. Cardiovascular exercise helps a lot with this as it results in the body producing endorphins. It seems counterintuitive, but when you're feeling your worst, try to take a walk or go for a bike ride if you have a bike. Or take a jog, if you're able. At least, try to step outside for just a few minutes if the weather is agreeable, and look at the sky or trees, or watch the birds or insects. Consider joining a community center gym. Become "addicted" to fitness - I don't mean in a pathological way, I mean try to cultivate habits conducive to a commitment to health. If you're still interested in working in the medical field, joining a fitness community may also allow you to network with others which may lead to more positive job opportunities. For example, many fitness and rehab specialists got into their lines of work after having been through something themselves and having benefitted from such care and community. Do take care of yourself as you recover, though. You'll eventually find balance between pushing yourself just hard enough to progress versus knowing when you need down time to feel whatever you're feeling. Much love.