Ready to get back on HRT but lower dosage

[CelaTracy23]

because I am more of a non-binary person and prefer slower changes.    I weened off HRT a second time in the past year and have been off since early March.  Much of it was psychological, although the side effects from weening off were scary.    I will ask my doctor when I see them next month, is it safe to start and stop HRT over and over.   First started HRT in early August and was on estrodial for two months total (including half the time at lower, weening off dosages). Used to my body for 60 years, the changes were shocking, freaking me out actually.   Back with a more positive attitude in January, went on again for a total of two months (half that time at prescribed dosage before weening off again).  

Six weeks off and it's like I want to restart again, especially as my libido has come back.  I write this out in public so I can read what I write and keep awareness - to wait for my doctor's appointment in late May before resuming at a much lower, safer dosage.    Why on and off, I know I will be asked.  Let me say it was just psychological, a lot of it was libido too.  

[Ashley0616]

Everyone handles medication differently. There are similarities but not for everyone. I long for the day that I finally start HRT and the hormones start taking effect. My depression has hit hard and I thought maybe if I treat that then the gender dysphoria will go away. It just lied dormant. I'm on 6 different psch medications and the issues still aren't being solved. All medications are even maxed out. There isn't a single medication that the VA offers that I haven't taken nor is there a mixture that I haven't had. I'm also on another 10 more medications. I wished I told them the truth upfront because I have only caused harm to myself in the process. 

[CelaTracy23]

Thank you for responding.  It sounds like you have quite a story to tell regarding medicines and the VA?!

[Ashley0616]

35 minutes ago, CelaTracy23 said:

Thank you for responding.  It sounds like you have quite a story to tell regarding medicines and the VA?!

Oh yes it has been going on since 2014. If only I told them I had gender dysphoria back then I would've been a lot further than where I'm at. Oh well then again I wouldn't have the two kids that I have now so I guess it's all in good timing. I will say this that edible marijuana helped me when I was in Las Vegas. I could handle crowds and function normally but I know the VA won't be providing any of that anytime. 

[CelaTracy23]

I'm glad that you have at least found something to help with your emotions.   I hope, gummies is it, will continue to help you?

[Ashley0616]

6 hours ago, CelaTracy23 said:

I'm glad that you have at least found something to help with your emotions.   I hope, gummies is it, will continue to help you?

Unfortunately I can't afford to get out of pocket insurance or pay a psychiatrist to get a prescription for it. I would rather work on my gender dysphoria because we both know that surgeries and everything else we need isn't cheap.

[CelaTracy23]

In a lot of ways, social transition more important.   Back when I first got online in the 1990's, trans people were required to go through RLT (Real Life Therapy it was called) for a full year before even getting on hormones.   Hope everything works out for you Ashley.