How do you know if you need therapy?

[Mirrabooka]

I am letting myself drift towards femininity but sometimes it seems like a free-fall. I don't know where I will end up with it all, but I don't feel the need to go all the way. I am enjoying the journey and love myself for who I am and the appearance and mannerisms that I have now, but I look forward to just a little bit more, all the time, without fully committing. 

 

I have never sought professional advice or therapy, probably because I'm not really dysphoric. My day-to-day life is not constrained by my inner woman and I am happy to keep presenting as male on the surface when I need to. But I do keep thinking that I probably should have talked to a gender therapist by now, at least to find out exactly where I sit on the rainbow. 

 

I admire all of my sisters and brothers here who don't see therapy as a big deal. It seems so easy for y'all to just go ahead and get it! That's the way it seems to me anyway. For me, therapy would be a huge step with stigma attached so I would need to be pretty desparate to make it happen, I think.

 

My questions are, at what point did you feel the need to see a gender therapist? What was the trigger? Did you wait until you were desparate, or were you more proactive? Maybe therapy was forced upon you? Am I correct in assuming that if I don't feel the need for it, then I don't actually need it? Or would it be beneficial for me anyway, even at my early stage?

 

TIA.

[Charlize]

17 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

I am happy to keep presenting as male on the surface

There was a time when this fit me quite well.  As time progressed i found a desire to live openly as myself "without moving back and forth between genders".   That shift was increasingly uncomfortable and troubling.  I was no longer "happy presenting as male".  Therapy was certainly happy at that point.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[April Marie]

For me, steeped in a career that stigmatized therapy, it took an emotional crash to finally reach out for help. Once I did, though, I was amazed at how freeing it was - even when I bared my soul. I found that opening  up, sharing my fears, feelings and even things seemingly embarrassing was freeing. I was so wholly depressed, full of guilt and confused that I really didn't recognize how bad I was. Now, 4 months later, I'm amazed at how much it has helped - as is my wife. Now, I work with my therapist to determine what transition will look like - as much as I want to jettison the male image, I don't know that I'll ever be able to do that. And that, remains the focus of my therapy now. Can I embrace my reality without a full transition? Time will tell. On the good side, I've found how to move ahead slowly while I learn and have found joy and happiness in what I CAN do. Therapy helped me do that to the point where my therapist threw out the possibility of going to every other week session based on my progress.

 

My therapist talked to me about "Needs" and "Wants" as part of my transition. What things do I NEED to feel satisfied and happy and that salve my dysphoria? And, what things do I WANT that are not necessarily critical to that happiness? You certainly seem to be at a place in your life where you are happy. Do you feel that you NEED a therapist to help you chart your way ahead or is it something you might WANT to do?

 

[KathyLauren]

I think that therapy is a tool to help you answer your questions.  So the time to seek therapy is when you have questions.  It sounds like you might have a few.

 

My questions were: Where do I go from here?  How do I get started?  Is this real or am I nuts?  Can I get a latter to start hormones?  That was enough to get me started.  The "Am I nuts?" question was particularly important for my wife.  She didn't say so, but I knew she would be more comfortable with any process if my transition had an official seal of approval from a professional.

[April Marie]

30 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

I think that therapy is a tool to help you answer your questions.  So the time to seek therapy is when you have questions.  It sounds like you might have a few.

 

My questions were: Where do I go from here?  How do I get started?  Is this real or am I nuts?  Can I get a latter to start hormones?  That was enough to get me started.  The "Am I nuts?" question was particularly important for my wife.  She didn't say so, but I knew she would be more comfortable with any process if my transition had an official seal of approval from a professional.

I recognize so much of this in myself. Am I crazy? Why me? Is this real?

[Ashley0616]

I'm trying to see a therapist as soon as possible. I'm fully transitioning because I feel more comfortable on showing the real me. I'm very depressed when I wear my male clothes. I'm building up my female clothes and once I have enough I will ditch the men's clothes but I might keep one or two outfits just in case. I think a therapist would definitely help because it's not going to hurt. You would get professional advice and see where you stand but if you are happy with were you are at then I guess it would just be a waste of time. Just my two cents.

[miz miranda]

I don't think there is a universal answer but for me it was the realization I was having difficulty feeling anything. I have never felt comfortable with myself. I am extremely self reliant and I was adamant I didn't need someone else to help.

 

It took almost 3 years for me to schedule an appointment with a therapist before I actually had the courage and self love to do so. I was fortunate to find a therapist that made me comfortable. My therapist is a gender therapist but focused on my self worth issues with gender exploration. It has been a very positive experience for me and helped immensely. I found that therapy gave me a focus to discover what I wanted for myself, define goals/actions, be accountable to those goals and actions and allowed to convey my feelings/fears to someone else. Therapy is a participation sport, one must engage themselves honestly. It is work. In my case, I uncovered a lot issues that I had suppressed and would have vigorously declared I didn't experience.

 

In hindsight, I probably knew I needed therapy when I began to think about it. I would recommend trying therapy out.  If it doesn't help one can always stop.

 

I don't know the circumstances of the stigma that you refer to. I let my fear of that hold me back for a long while. I was able to find a confidential approach that worked.

[Ivy]

I started my transition with informed consent.  Didn't have a therapist per se.  But I did talk it over with some people I trusted first.  When I switched to the VA, I had to have a session with a psychologist to get referred for hormone therapy there.  But I had already started the process with Planned Parenthood by then.

I do have regular monthly therapy with a VA woman now.  Gender issues are not the biggest part of that though - although they kinda affect everything else.  Mostly we talk about stuff I don't feel comfortable talking about to family members since it often involves them.  And of course there are my personal struggles.  It does help me.  The fact that the therapist is gay helps, cause she kinda gets it.

[Nicole D]

Hi @Mirrabooka,

 

I have been in therapy three times in my life, the first two for depression and the current all about gender (with a GT). The first time I found it extremely helpful to just talk to someone about it, and I looked forward to going to each session. The second time wasn't so great as the therapist and I didn't get along so well, but I think it was better than nothing. The current gender therapy is very useful. We talk about what is going on with me and she suggests resources to look into, helps deal with some bad information that is out there, and gives advice on how to meet people and deal with other people in my life.

 

There is such a stigma around therapy for some people. Some think the therapist will judge them for things they have done. In my experience, this is far from the truth. Therapists (at least the good ones) are there to work through your issues and help you out without judging or forcing you in any particular direction. They are all about support. I always feel better after a session.

 

If you can afford a therapist, I highly recommend it. If you can't afford it, I think Medicare in Australia will give you a certain number of visits for minimal or zero cost. That is how I accessed my second therapist.

 

[MaybeRob]

2 hours ago, Nicole D said:

 you can afford a therapist, I highly recommend it. If you can't afford it, I think Medicare in Australia will give you a certain number of visits for minimal or zero cost. That is how I accessed my second therapist.

 

 

I just called a Therapist here

 

To access A Medicare rebate you need to have completed a Mental Health Plan with your GP. The one I called was $190 per session - and you would get back $89.65. I do have a pensioner concession card - I don't know if that is a requirement for the rebate or not. It used to be free access - but the pollies decided on shared costs. 

 

I have a telehealth appt with my GP to go on anti smoking medication so I can afford therapy. I will have to "come out" and ask for a referral to the therapist I want to see, who is booked out to mid July. She is the only gender issue therapist in my local area.

I have problems with crowds and all the other gender therapist are in the CBD

 

Rob

[Nicole D]

Hi @MaybeRob, glad to hear you're taking steps to see a GT.

Quote

To access A Medicare rebate you need to have completed a Mental Health Plan with your GP.

Yes, I remember doing this. For me it was just a relatively quick doctors appointment. I did a short multiple choice test for depression and that was enough to justify it. I don't know how that would work for gender issues.

Quote

It used to be free access

I think the policies must have changed as you say. I did this about 13 years ago. Still, half price is better than full price. And a GT is kind of a specialist so will hopefully be more effective than a regular therapist.

Hope this helps,

Nicole.

[Mirrabooka]

Wow, so many wonderful replies. I’ve got a lot to think about now. Thank you so much lovely ladies, I am very grateful. I know that we are all on individual journeys but it is so good to be able to compare.

 

@April Marie You make a very good point about need vs. want. I think I am questioning my need to see a therapist because I have thought about wanting to do so. A bit like cis people don’t think about gender issues, so by default if one does to any extent, they’re probably not cis. If I never thought about seeing a therapist, then obviously, I don’t need to. But, do I want to?

 

To be honest I don’t think I will be seeking professional help any time soon because I don’t feel a desperate need for it, but yes, there are always questions in my mind. Meanwhile I’m sure you have all felt before that being here and airing your feelings is therapeutic in itself.

 

Thank y'all once again.

 

With love,

[Davie]

Thanks for all the discussion on therapists. After a break, I'm signing up again. What I need and what I want seem to be the same thing right now.

— Davie

[AllieJ]

On 5/8/2023 at 6:27 AM, MaybeRob said:

 

I just called a Therapist here

 

To access A Medicare rebate you need to have completed a Mental Health Plan with your GP. The one I called was $190 per session - and you would get back $89.65. I do have a pensioner concession card - I don't know if that is a requirement for the rebate or not. It used to be free access - but the pollies decided on shared costs. 

 

I have a telehealth appt with my GP to go on anti smoking medication so I can afford therapy. I will have to "come out" and ask for a referral to the therapist I want to see, who is booked out to mid July. She is the only gender issue therapist in my local area.

I have problems with crowds and all the other gender therapist are in the CBD

 

Rob

 

Rob,You don't need a concession card to get Medicare partial funding for psychology in Australia. There are, however, different rates of rebates depending on the qualification of the Psych. I found this out the hard way. I was required to get a letter from a Psych to get hormones, and the therapist said she was very experienced in Gender Therapy. When it was time to get the letter for my surgery, she asked me what needed to be in it. She had never written one. I then discovered she was just a Psychologist, and the WPATH standards required the letter to be from a Clinical Psychologist, so I had to find one, and discovered that the rebate was higher for a Clinical Psychologist, and would have made the cost overall lower.

 

Up until recently, Transgender was listed in the DSM as a mental disorder, but in the last couple of years it has been re classified as a medical condition. This has meant that many places are now operating on Informed Consent. This also means that a psychologist can't actually diagnose Transgender, so their role is to eliminate possible mental causes for Gender Incongruence, and provide support. So if you are coping well with daily life, and just are gender curious, you may not get value from a psychologist. If gender is impacting your life, you should seek support. If you decide to see a therapist, make sure it is a Clinical psychologist so they can write letters if you ever need them. (Though WPATH is reconsidering the minimum quals)

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[MaybeRob]

Hi Allie

 

The Psych I found is "currently completing a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology". I haven't seen her yet - just booked 2 appointments. I am seeing a different GP before the pysch, on who is very experience in gender issues, so I may change. 

I do have a lot of mental health stuff going on anxiety, depression and my GP thinks I may have PTSD from witnessing a friend get runover as a child and quite a few other events over the years. I do have a lot of bad dreams about the past events. 

 

Ty for you advice - if been very helpful

 

Rob/kate

 

 

[AllieJ]

2 minutes ago, MaybeRob said:

Hi Allie

 

The Psych I found is "currently completing a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology". I haven't seen her yet - just booked 2 appointments. I am seeing a different GP before the pysch, on who is very experience in gender issues, so I may change. 

I do have a lot of mental health stuff going on anxiety, depression and my GP thinks I may have PTSD from witnessing a friend get runover as a child and quite a few other events over the years. I do have a lot of bad dreams about the past events. 

 

Ty for you advice - if been very helpful

 

Rob/kate

 

 

My Pleasure Rob/Kate! There is free Psychology available with the Mental Health Plan, but I didn't find them helpful. Out of 5 mental health professionals I have seen, I would only rate one as really having helped me, and she was fresh out of Uni! Most just fill a role as someone to unload on, and never give any useful advice. Anxiety and Depression are common effects of Gender Dysphoria and are rarely connected by therapists. If doing something affirming of your gender identity (dressing or acting your gender) brings a sense of relief (not excitement) it indicates dysphoria. Many people don't recognise dysphoria as it often is just a bad feeling or frustration. I hope you get benefit from your therapist!

 

I help run Alphabet Soup Trans in Melbourne!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie