My wife is getting scared

[BrentC70]

Hello everyone I'm Brent and I just signed up.  I'm 52 years old and have been married to a wonderful woman for 19 years.  She's post-op and was before I ever met her, but she's still one of the most beautiful and wonderful women I've ever met, and I pinch myself every day that she's my wife.

 

She was too shy to sign up here and post these questions so I said I would.  She really has concerns about what's going on right now with the attacks on transgender rights, and really worries about our marriage being annulled, especially as we were married in Florida.  Anybody heard anything specifically about if DeSantis is going to target something like that?  We are in Maryland now so we are largely safe from most things, but she does worry about our marriage.

 

I have tried to reassure her but she's really getting freaked out so I am trying to help.

 

Nice to meet you all,

Brent

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Brent.  Your wife's fears are understandable, especially in Florida.  However, I think there is a bit of hyperventilating going on in certain parts of the country, within our community.  I have not heard anything about the Florida legislature targeting trans marriages, and I think they would try to go after Gay & Lesbian marriages first, if they were even thinking about it.  Nor have I heard about marriages being targeted in any other state.

 

That said, I would not have believed five years ago that the anti-trans hate legislation would have gotten this far.  So I can't rule it out completely.  At this point, nothing is impossible.  Since you are now a member (and of course I encourage your wife to join - she doesn't have to post if she doesn't want to), I would encourage you monitor the News & Activism Forum, as we post almost daily updates on what's happening all over the country.  There are several of us who are pretty well plugged into current events.

 

The things that have your wife on edge are stressing almost everyone out.  But this is a resilient community, and we will/are fighting back.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

I agree with @Carolyn Marie that there does not appear to be anything in the pipeline that way from Florida.  To do it, they would have to really mangle the Obergfell Decision by SCOTUS since that decision covers Trans people as well as Lesbian and Gay.  That said, I would consider seeing an attorney about setting up a contingency plan for your family assets there in your state, and FYI, Maryland could put in a law to recognize your marriage under their law even if Florida pulls the rug out.  The Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund people would be able to help guide you on this.  I know a few of their attorney's who handle child custody and marital property issues in the eastern states.

[KathyLauren]

Welcome, Brent.

 

In the (unlikely) that Florida retroactively annuls trans marriages, I think it is probable that "safe" states would refuse to recognize the annullment.

[ChloeL]

Welcome Brent!  Yes the people on here are awesome and have all kinds of good advice so I'm sure they can answer any questions that you have.  Your wife is certainly lucky to have a supporting man like you as her husband!!

[Ashley0616]

On 5/11/2023 at 10:34 PM, BrentC70 said:

Hello everyone I'm Brent and I just signed up.  I'm 52 years old and have been married to a wonderful woman for 19 years.  She's post-op and was before I ever met her, but she's still one of the most beautiful and wonderful women I've ever met, and I pinch myself every day that she's my wife.

 

She was too shy to sign up here and post these questions so I said I would.  She really has concerns about what's going on right now with the attacks on transgender rights, and really worries about our marriage being annulled, especially as we were married in Florida.  Anybody heard anything specifically about if DeSantis is going to target something like that?  We are in Maryland now so we are largely safe from most things, but she does worry about our marriage.

 

I have tried to reassure her but she's really getting freaked out so I am trying to help.

 

Nice to meet you all,

Brent

It's definitely getting tough in this world. It almost feels like a witch hunt. I take it how things are. Everything happens for a reason. Transgender has been around for just a while. History has always repeated itself. Look back how the blacks and women were treated. They didn't have rights. They were segregated and were really downed upon. Things are eventually going to get better or at least that's how I feel. 

[Rianon]

On 5/11/2023 at 9:34 PM, BrentC70 said:

Anybody heard anything specifically about if DeSantis is going to target something like that?

Hi, Brent. You might look up Erin Reed. Erin is a trans journalist who keeps track of all anti-trans legislation – enacted and pending – around the U.S. I don't have Erin's contact info, but she's easy to locate via her website. Once at her site, you can ask her directly about (email or live chat) anything that might be in the works in Florida pertaining to trans marriage. Good luck! ––Rianon

[Davie]

@Rianonand  @BrentC70 

 

Some info on Erin Reed  --

Twitter feed:  @ErinInTheMorn

Substack blog: [email protected]

 

 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

As marriage is now protected at the Federal level and you're not currently living in Florida, I suspect you'll be OK.  After the fact, the state that you were married in doesn't really matter all that much.  It is the acceptance of your current state that is important. 

 

Maybe it is different where you are, but I've noticed that having "proof" of my marriage isn't particularly important except for perhaps getting medical insurance and for tax purposes.  My marriage to my husband isn't legally recognized, as the USA still discriminates against having more than two people in a marriage.  But for a lot of things, just changing my last name to match my husband's has been enough.  They look at two people with the same last name and assume from there on. 

[MrsAmy]

Hi all I am Brent's wife.  He finally convinced me to join and speak for myself.

 

I guess I'm just so worried because I was born in Florida, changed my name and documents there, and got married there.  My parents are still there (for now) so I can't avoid going there pretty regularly.  But they have even talked about the current situation there as reason why they might move out.

 

With Ron DeSantis having gone after us with all his might recently, I just worry that he will do everything in his power to take who we are away from us.

[Ivy]

Hi Amy, and welcome.

 

I'm in the south, but not Florida, Thank Goddess.

Seems like if you're legally married with the paperwork I don't see how they could  annul it in another state.  I just don't get why they would even want to.  But that's not a lot of comfort in itself.  They don't seem to need a reason.

But if you are in a blue state it seems like they would have to do it on the federal.

IDK.  The political landscape right now sucks to say the least.

 

But welcome.  Lots of nice people here.

[ChloeL]

Welcome to the board Amy.  I'm glad your husband convinced you join.

 

There are a lot of great people here who can give you great information, and are very welcoming too.  We do understand your concerns but I'm happy you are in a state now that will protect your rights better!

[Susan R]

6 hours ago, MrsAmy said:

I guess I'm just so worried because I was born in Florida, changed my name and documents there, and got married there.

I would hope that your marriage would be grandfathered in due to the length of time past. It would cause a civil war in this country if every LGBTQ+ marriage was suddenly and retroactively annulled. Imagine the number of families at this point that would be affected in all aspects of their lives. I really can’t imagine this ever happening. But as @Carolyn Marie stated above…it’s unbelievable just how much anti-trans legislation has passed over the past few years. This seemed almost impossible when I started transitioning.

[MrsAmy]

I appreciate what everyone has had to say.  I know since I'm in a blue state now I have some protection.  But with so much of my transition history being in Florida and documented there, the Ron DeSantis attack on the right of us to even exist does get me worried.

 

I am going to see if I can contact Erin Reed, thanks for the info @Rianon

[Ivy]

https://open.substack.com/pub/erininthemorn/p/trans-patients-being-dropped-as-florida?r=k5hac&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email 

 

Erin's substack

[MrsAmy]

I think one of the main concerns I have is that my husband and I got married in Florida before LGBTQ marriages were allowed in 2015 (we were married in 2003).  I was post-op before the marriage but who knows what kind of crazy stunts DeSantis will try to pull.  We've actually talked about getting re-married here in Maryland.

[Rianon]

3 hours ago, MrsAmy said:

I am going to see if I can contact Erin Reed, thanks for the info @Rianon

Hi, Amy. And welcome! Let me know, would you, if you learn anything from Erin Reed? ––Rianon

[Ivy]

13 minutes ago, MrsAmy said:

We've actually talked about getting re-married here in Maryland.

Why not?  It would be like a re-affirmation thing.  Kinda like flipping Florida the bird.

[ChloeL]

1 hour ago, Ivy said:

Why not?  It would be like a re-affirmation thing.  Kinda like flipping Florida the bird.

 

Do it Amy!  Can I come to the wedding??