Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

My wife is getting scared


BrentC70

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone I'm Brent and I just signed up.  I'm 52 years old and have been married to a wonderful woman for 19 years.  She's post-op and was before I ever met her, but she's still one of the most beautiful and wonderful women I've ever met, and I pinch myself every day that she's my wife.

 

She was too shy to sign up here and post these questions so I said I would.  She really has concerns about what's going on right now with the attacks on transgender rights, and really worries about our marriage being annulled, especially as we were married in Florida.  Anybody heard anything specifically about if DeSantis is going to target something like that?  We are in Maryland now so we are largely safe from most things, but she does worry about our marriage.

 

I have tried to reassure her but she's really getting freaked out so I am trying to help.

 

Nice to meet you all,

Brent

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Brent.  Your wife's fears are understandable, especially in Florida.  However, I think there is a bit of hyperventilating going on in certain parts of the country, within our community.  I have not heard anything about the Florida legislature targeting trans marriages, and I think they would try to go after Gay & Lesbian marriages first, if they were even thinking about it.  Nor have I heard about marriages being targeted in any other state.

 

That said, I would not have believed five years ago that the anti-trans hate legislation would have gotten this far.  So I can't rule it out completely.  At this point, nothing is impossible.  Since you are now a member (and of course I encourage your wife to join - she doesn't have to post if she doesn't want to), I would encourage you monitor the News & Activism Forum, as we post almost daily updates on what's happening all over the country.  There are several of us who are pretty well plugged into current events.

 

The things that have your wife on edge are stressing almost everyone out.  But this is a resilient community, and we will/are fighting back.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Admin

I agree with @Carolyn Marie that there does not appear to be anything in the pipeline that way from Florida.  To do it, they would have to really mangle the Obergfell Decision by SCOTUS since that decision covers Trans people as well as Lesbian and Gay.  That said, I would consider seeing an attorney about setting up a contingency plan for your family assets there in your state, and FYI, Maryland could put in a law to recognize your marriage under their law even if Florida pulls the rug out.  The Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund people would be able to help guide you on this.  I know a few of their attorney's who handle child custody and marital property issues in the eastern states.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome, Brent.

 

In the (unlikely) that Florida retroactively annuls trans marriages, I think it is probable that "safe" states would refuse to recognize the annullment.

Link to comment

Welcome Brent!  Yes the people on here are awesome and have all kinds of good advice so I'm sure they can answer any questions that you have.  Your wife is certainly lucky to have a supporting man like you as her husband!!

Link to comment
On 5/11/2023 at 10:34 PM, BrentC70 said:

Hello everyone I'm Brent and I just signed up.  I'm 52 years old and have been married to a wonderful woman for 19 years.  She's post-op and was before I ever met her, but she's still one of the most beautiful and wonderful women I've ever met, and I pinch myself every day that she's my wife.

 

She was too shy to sign up here and post these questions so I said I would.  She really has concerns about what's going on right now with the attacks on transgender rights, and really worries about our marriage being annulled, especially as we were married in Florida.  Anybody heard anything specifically about if DeSantis is going to target something like that?  We are in Maryland now so we are largely safe from most things, but she does worry about our marriage.

 

I have tried to reassure her but she's really getting freaked out so I am trying to help.

 

Nice to meet you all,

Brent

It's definitely getting tough in this world. It almost feels like a witch hunt. I take it how things are. Everything happens for a reason. Transgender has been around for just a while. History has always repeated itself. Look back how the blacks and women were treated. They didn't have rights. They were segregated and were really downed upon. Things are eventually going to get better or at least that's how I feel. 

Link to comment
On 5/11/2023 at 9:34 PM, BrentC70 said:

Anybody heard anything specifically about if DeSantis is going to target something like that?

Hi, Brent. You might look up Erin Reed. Erin is a trans journalist who keeps track of all anti-trans legislation – enacted and pending – around the U.S. I don't have Erin's contact info, but she's easy to locate via her website. Once at her site, you can ask her directly about (email or live chat) anything that might be in the works in Florida pertaining to trans marriage. Good luck! ––Rianon

Link to comment

As marriage is now protected at the Federal level and you're not currently living in Florida, I suspect you'll be OK.  After the fact, the state that you were married in doesn't really matter all that much.  It is the acceptance of your current state that is important. 

 

Maybe it is different where you are, but I've noticed that having "proof" of my marriage isn't particularly important except for perhaps getting medical insurance and for tax purposes.  My marriage to my husband isn't legally recognized, as the USA still discriminates against having more than two people in a marriage.  But for a lot of things, just changing my last name to match my husband's has been enough.  They look at two people with the same last name and assume from there on. 

Link to comment

Hi all I am Brent's wife.  He finally convinced me to join and speak for myself.

 

I guess I'm just so worried because I was born in Florida, changed my name and documents there, and got married there.  My parents are still there (for now) so I can't avoid going there pretty regularly.  But they have even talked about the current situation there as reason why they might move out.

 

With Ron DeSantis having gone after us with all his might recently, I just worry that he will do everything in his power to take who we are away from us.

Link to comment

Hi Amy, and welcome.

 

I'm in the south, but not Florida, Thank Goddess.

Seems like if you're legally married with the paperwork I don't see how they could  annul it in another state.  I just don't get why they would even want to.  But that's not a lot of comfort in itself.  They don't seem to need a reason.

But if you are in a blue state it seems like they would have to do it on the federal.

IDK.  The political landscape right now sucks to say the least.

 

But welcome.  Lots of nice people here.

Link to comment

Welcome to the board Amy.  I'm glad your husband convinced you join.

 

There are a lot of great people here who can give you great information, and are very welcoming too.  We do understand your concerns but I'm happy you are in a state now that will protect your rights better!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, MrsAmy said:

I guess I'm just so worried because I was born in Florida, changed my name and documents there, and got married there.

I would hope that your marriage would be grandfathered in due to the length of time past. It would cause a civil war in this country if every LGBTQ+ marriage was suddenly and retroactively annulled. Imagine the number of families at this point that would be affected in all aspects of their lives. I really can’t imagine this ever happening. But as @Carolyn Marie stated above…it’s unbelievable just how much anti-trans legislation has passed over the past few years. This seemed almost impossible when I started transitioning.

Link to comment

I appreciate what everyone has had to say.  I know since I'm in a blue state now I have some protection.  But with so much of my transition history being in Florida and documented there, the Ron DeSantis attack on the right of us to even exist does get me worried.

 

I am going to see if I can contact Erin Reed, thanks for the info @Rianon

Link to comment

I think one of the main concerns I have is that my husband and I got married in Florida before LGBTQ marriages were allowed in 2015 (we were married in 2003).  I was post-op before the marriage but who knows what kind of crazy stunts DeSantis will try to pull.  We've actually talked about getting re-married here in Maryland.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, MrsAmy said:

I am going to see if I can contact Erin Reed, thanks for the info @Rianon

Hi, Amy. And welcome! Let me know, would you, if you learn anything from Erin Reed? ––Rianon

Link to comment
13 minutes ago, MrsAmy said:

We've actually talked about getting re-married here in Maryland.

Why not?  It would be like a re-affirmation thing.  Kinda like flipping Florida the bird.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Ivy said:

Why not?  It would be like a re-affirmation thing.  Kinda like flipping Florida the bird.

 

Do it Amy!  Can I come to the wedding??

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 76 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • Mealaini
    • Heather Shay
    • Kait
    • KathyLauren
    • Willow
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,069
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Ali_Genderlfuid
    Newest Member
    Ali_Genderlfuid
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Caridad
      Caridad
    2. Certbunnie
      Certbunnie
      (25 years old)
    3. EstherElle
      EstherElle
      (43 years old)
    4. Juliet
      Juliet
      (43 years old)
    5. MelissaAndProudOfIt
      MelissaAndProudOfIt
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Some anxiety is building up inside.
    • Heather Shay
      Suppressing your emotions because you’re afraid of them can be bad for your physical and mental health. Here’s what to do instead. When a toddler feels a “big” emotion, like anger or sadness, they tend to have a big tantrum on the floor. And these tantrums can be a lot to observe, full of thrashing, screaming, and tears. But a child reacts like this because the emotion they’re feeling is uncomfortable, maybe even painful.   Of course, as adults, we feel emotions too, and those feelings can be just as overwhelming, uncomfortable, or even painful as they were when we were children, even if we don’t let ourselves react in such a big way. But, sometimes, in our attempts to not give in to our emotions, we go too far: we run from them or suppress them — even if that harms us in the long run. Although there are many reasons we might suppress our emotions, one of them is that we are afraid of our emotions. Fear of emotions is called “animotophobia. It is not an official term in the DSM-5-TR. Still, fearing your emotions can have a significant impact on your well-being.      
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Been a while.... Do you sing or play an instrument?   I sing, write songs, play guitar, bass, harp. It is my sanctuary.
    • Willow
      Good morning   Ok I didn’t get to go home yesterday as expected.  In fact expect for a one hour break plus travel time I worked an 11 hour day.  another store needed me so I left my store half way through my day went home for an hour break then went to another store until 6   this morning I told Alexa to turn off my alarm but dozed another 30 minutes.   well at least today is a short day.     hugs   Willow
    • Heather Shay
      @KaitSo glad you are here. It's never too late to talk to your doctor. bI was 68 before I stopped lying to myself and talked to my doctor. He or she might be able to help. It may be easier to find an endocrinologist you specializes or a health care group who specializes. You might also seek out a therapist who specializes to help with HRT resources. Psychology Today can help find therapists who specialize. Glad you are here. WELCOME.
    • April Marie
      Skort, t-shirt, bra feels so good.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!   Coffee is flowing so my brain is beginning to function.    We've been busy caring for aging family members and trying to get the house open now that the weather is getting warmer. I've been working on getting the pool open and cleaned. It's almost ready for salt and starting up the heater. We may be swimming by next week.   But, it's raining here today so I guess I'll be stuck working inside.   Have a wonderful and safe, day!!
    • April Marie
      I had that same outcome from my first colonoscopy years ago. It just triggered more frequent colonoscopies for a period of time. Hopefully, that will be the same plan for you.
    • Birdie
      Biopsies came back mostly clear except one, one polyp came back with abnormal cell growth (pre-cancerous). It was completely removed during the colonoscopy so I don't know yet if further action needs to be taken. 
    • Kait
      Hey-o. My name's Kait. I haven't decided what to do about my last name yet. (Mononyms sound cool, but they're very problematic unfortunately).   I guess pronouns are important. They/them or it/its (strong preference for 'it/its').    Im not someone who's been active in the community for a long time, but I've known I was trans almost my whole life. It's just that financial, medical, and psychiatric struggles have kept it from the forefront of my priorities for 10 years or so. So basically during that entire time, I've been living as an AMAB, masculine-presenting person named kait. Which is not ideal, but I've been able to deal with it by dissociating from my body and viewing it as an appendage rather than as a 'self'.    Mostly I'm on here because I finally feel well enough mentally and physically to think about beginning HRT. Problem is, I really don't know where to start out what to do. I have an endocrinologist I see for an unrelated health issue, but honestly I don't have a very strong relationship with him. Is it best to start with my existing doctor? Or should I find an endocrinologist that specialises in this sub-field? What's the best available tech? Is 29 too late to be taken seriously about this by my doctor? I have no idea about these questions and so much more and I need help.   Side from trans stuff though, I'm the boringest person you'll probably ever know. I have a pretty rich inner life and a wonderful partner, but really all I do is work, sleep, and occasionally build tiny models.     
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I agree that porn is a really bad thing.  Bad in general, but probably gives a misleading view of trans folks.  If you don't see trans folks out in the wild, but you see plenty of them online, that is going to give the impression that it is primarily sex-driven, and that trans folks are interested in sex with just about everybody all the time.  Similar to what people often assume about being bisexual.    I'm androgynous, so sometimes people look at me this way.  Especially if my husband and I are together (if they don't assume I'm his kid) people get that "judgy" look on their faces.  You can sort of read their minds.  I even heard on lady say something like, "Oh, that's just so wrong" when we came out of a shower at a truck stop.  I mean, I like sex and we have a great connection in that way, but its not "THE REASON" for our relationship. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...