Why are we doing this? my perspective

[KymmieL]

For those who are taking this journey from male to female. This is my perspective on this. My thoughts on this journey I am on. Again these are mine. One thing is the big WHY?

 

Why do we want to become the so called weaker sex.

Why do we want to be the gatherers vs. The hunters.

Why are we wanting to change the chemicals our bodies. That are natural for our bodies, Then suppress them and then add different chemical that cause physical changes to our bodies. Ones that could cause serious injury or even death.

Why do we bring ridicule on ourselves, for being who we truly are.

Why does this journey cause some of our closest loved ones to give up on us.

 

I myself am will to do all the above to become who I need to become.

 

Kymmie

[missyjo]

I told folks this, I don't completely understand it all but know I must be on this path now n this journey is right for me. I suspect many of you feel sililarly.

 

is it hard, expensive   Subject to ridicule n ostracizing ? yes to all of the above n more...but here's the thing  n I'm preaching to the choir is ny guess ..

 

we don't dress up as a target gender n leave our homes n start living as another gender  including hoping for hormones n surgeries because this is fun  cute or easy..we do it because we've denied it for years n tried everything else other than transition or death..so as complex n hard as transition sounds n is, it is easier for us to enduré transition pains n hope to breath  vs feeling trapped  denied .. liés about who we are or what we'd like from clothes to how I want intimacy....

 

the hard transition is the easier road n at least offers hope...the other offers no hope n still it slowly kills us, à little each day n hour  ...every vision of à woman n we gasp..wondering why we weren't given the right body to enjoy..n why santa still hasn't given us breasts n à vagina for Christmas or hanukah or my birthday or for that pulled tooth..no we were given organs we despise n don't want n fund ugly. I suspect some girls are like me, simply keeping testicals, as tissue in hopes of vaginoplasty...santa won't give me a couchy..maybe à good surgeon will do so.

 

I suspect I am not alone here..that's what drives me. 

 

hugs to all. 

 

may the day bring kindness your way

 

missy jo

[AllieJ]

I tend to look at this from a more clinical perspective. Recent research has found that trans people are born with parts of their brain which closely resemble the sex opposite their birth anatomy. it is likely that the Bed Nucleus determines our Gender Identity, as it's function is to sense things happening around people and send out positive or negative feelings. (it also senses threats and controls anxiety and the fight or fight reflex). If it senses things consistent with gender identity, it sends good feelings (euphoria), and when in conflict with the gender identity, bad feelings (dysphoria).

 

Just like increased anxiety, we naturally react to the bad feelings to reduce them, and this is usually by doing affirming things. This is the driver to do affirming things, including transition. So we don't want to change sex, we do it to reduce the bad feelings which can be unrelenting. Too many of us believe we want or desire changing ourselves, and this causes us to feel guilt or even question our sanity, but we are simply reacting to a stimulus, like we would shivering from cold or pulling our hand out of a flame.  Yes, it is a clinical view, but it fully answers 'Why'!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

 

mage courtesy of Harvard University

[missyjo]

Allié

 

thank you. I somehow think were talking about same issues..you scientifically with the right words n terms..n I with simple émotions n feelings.

 

thank you dear

 

hugs 

[AllieJ]

6 minutes ago, missyjo said:

Allié

 

thank you. I somehow think were talking about same issues..you scientifically with the right words n terms..n I with simple émotions n feelings.

 

thank you dear

 

hugs 

 

Yes Missyjo, same issues, different perspectives, but the same outcomes! No matter why, we all endure a crazy ride!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[missyjo]

hugs back dear

[EasyE]

On 6/18/2023 at 7:58 AM, AllieJ said:

I tend to look at this from a more clinical perspective. Recent research has found that trans people are born with parts of their brain which closely resemble the sex opposite their birth anatomy.

Is it possible to find out if this is the case for a particular person (i.e., me)... Because there is no doubting how STRONG my feelings are towards wanting to dress more feminine and possibly advance beyond that toward transitioning. To the point where I am willing to risk relationships, ridicule, etc. My logical brain doesn't understand this part of me other than to say, "You are just weird." And weird I am, happily wearing women's underwear, socks, etc. 😁

[missyjo]

EasyE

 

I think this is where à good gender therapist helps dear. as far as I know, n I could be wrong, the studies showing transgender MtF brains mimic cis womens brains are done through post mortum pathology...I'm not aware of à test xe can take while alive dear..but I could be wrong

good luck 

hugs

missy jo 

[EasyE]

Yeah, don't want to do the post-mortum thing if I don't have to, lol ... 😁 I am in the process of finding a gender therapist... got some other stuff going on at the moment that is pressing (health and trying to launch a business)... 

[AllieJ]

4 hours ago, EasyE said:

Is it possible to find out if this is the case for a particular person (i.e., me)... Because there is no doubting how STRONG my feelings are towards wanting to dress more feminine and possibly advance beyond that toward transitioning. To the point where I am willing to risk relationships, ridicule, etc. My logical brain doesn't understand this part of me other than to say, "You are just weird." And weird I am, happily wearing women's underwear, socks, etc. 😁

The earlier studies through the ‘90’ and early 2000’s were done by brain dissections which limited the number of subjects in the reports, but since the mid 2000s they have been able to to accurately do their studies using brain scans. Unfortunately, despite now dozens of studies, and thousands of scans all coming to the same findings, there has been a reticence among the conservatives to accept this overwhelming evidence, and so the scans have not been made available outside research projects. 

 

There has been a rejection of this technology among the trans community as well, with fears it could be weaponised against them by government and insurance companies to refuse funding, though I firmly believe if it were formally accepted as a diagnostic tool, it would solve a majority of the problems faced by the trans community every day and save thousands of trans lives.

 

My family is again going through the anguish with a nephew declaring they are trans at 14 years old, and having had a history of erratic behaviour, so we just don’t know if their condition is legitimate, and starting treatment on a young person determines the direction of their whole life. If we had access to brain scans we would be more confident, able to start treatment immediately, and set them on the path to congruence and happiness, rather than the present path of frustration and risk of suicide.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[EasyE]

Thanks for the info... such a complicated subject... if folks were allowed to explore themselves in a safe environment, without everything being a super-charged political football or cause for moral warfare, it would be so much more helpful...

 

Blessings to you...

[missyjo]

Allie 

fascinating..n I agree..somehow it will be used against us..n what happens when the test says no but our hearts say yes? shrugs

oh well

 

easy may be the best reason to make the therapist a priority..they sort of help sort out everything..good luck

 

hugs

missy jo 

[AllieJ]

1 hour ago, missyjo said:

Allie 

 what happens when the test says no but our hearts say yes? shrugs

oh well

 

easy may be the best reason to make the therapist a priority..they sort of help sort out everything..good luck

 

hugs

missy jo 

Missy jo, in that case, they would do more tests to see what the real diagnosis is and make sure the treatment was correct. 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[missyjo]

hugs

[Tilly]

On 5/25/2023 at 3:27 AM, KymmieL said:

 

 

Why do we want to become the so called weaker sex.

Why do we want to be the gatherers vs. The hunters.

Why are we wanting to change the chemicals our bodies. That are natural for our bodies,

 

Hi Kymmie,

 

Great questions. I agree with what AllieJ has replied. 

 

But I guess too, in the gentlest possible way, I would challenge the stereotypes of those first three sentences anyway.

 

1. I don't think females are a weaker sex. I know qualified it with 'so-called' but I don't think females are weaker

2. That's like a piece of 50,000 year old reductionism   The old hunter-gatherer genetics faded out of most of our race

3. Similar to what Allie posted, I don't see testosterone as 'natural for my body'. I was born with a strong female identification - with some classic signs of high estrogen levels and a propensity to convert T to E naturally at the slightest chance. When I finally began transitioning it felt natural for my body. I genuinely believe we can be born into an alien physical signifier.

 

And that last point really answers your overall question. Why do we do it? Because it's the only way I know how to live. Or maybe to put it even more starkly, it's the only way I know how to stay alive. If we're not true to who we are that is no life.

 

xx

[missyjo]

Tilly 

amen dear.. that's how I explain to others..I don't understand but being missy in my entire life n not caring what others say is the only way I know to keep breathing 

thank you for articulating it better

hugs

missy jo 

[Niamh]

I see those questions and think both CIS and Trans (binary) people can perhaps be persuaded that for a Binary Trans Woman there is at least some science behind the choices we make. But when you ask those same questions in relation to someone who is Non-Binary like myself - what logical reason might there be for putting myself through the same level of challenges that a Binary trans person might feel compelled to do.

For example,  when I wake up in the morning, I don't have an issue with seeing my male body. My issue is that I need to not be defined by it. I need to spend time ( a lot of it) experiencing being a woman, to the extent that like binary trans women I have started HRT. How on earth I try and justify my path to anyone (including binary trans people) feels like an impossible task. But I know it's right for me, and I guess that is the same for any trans person. 

[missyjo]

Niamh,

I tell people something pretty similar..I don't understand this all, I know it comes with challenges, but right now I feel this is the path I am supposed to be on..as a MtF transgender woman. 

welcome friend

hugs 

missy jo 

[AllieJ]

3 hours ago, Niamh said:

I see those questions and think both CIS and Trans (binary) people can perhaps be persuaded that for a Binary Trans Woman there is at least some science behind the choices we make. But when you ask those same questions in relation to someone who is Non-Binary like myself - what logical reason might there be for putting myself through the same level of challenges that a Binary trans person might feel compelled to do.

For example,  when I wake up in the morning, I don't have an issue with seeing my male body. My issue is that I need to not be defined by it. I need to spend time ( a lot of it) experiencing being a woman, to the extent that like binary trans women I have started HRT. How on earth I try and justify my path to anyone (including binary trans people) feels like an impossible task. But I know it's right for me, and I guess that is the same for any trans person. 

Niamh, those parts of the brain that are different from birth sex don’t all show the same amount of difference, so many are somewhere in between. The dysphoria created is really only an off feeling, or discomfort for the present state, we have to interpret it to see if it is full on gender incongruence or something in between. And it is rarely constant, usually cycling between an urge to do something or not really bothering us at all. 

 

I loved my life as a male, and tried very hard to keep it. But I also had to spend time as a woman to reduce dysphoria. I am confident if we looked at your bed nucleus we would find it was non typical of a cis person. We are just at different places on the spectrum, and maybe simply at different stages of our journeys.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[ChloeL]

I really think this is interesting and try to understand it better.

 

In my case I transitioned at 18, and I've always felt like a girl and was waiting for the chance to make it happen and did pretty much the day after I was out of high school.

 

But I know other people transition earlier and later, and it's just as valid to do so.  Is it because for some people their female mind is buried more and doesn't come out until they get older?  Or is it because of their situations where the female side just can't come out until their life allows it?  Is it because they have more supportive/open parents?

 

I figure it's for so many reasons that the woman in someone finally comes out, I just think it's interesting how it happens at different times for different people.

[AllieJ]

31 minutes ago, ChloeL said:

I really think this is interesting and try to understand it better.

 

In my case I transitioned at 18, and I've always felt like a girl and was waiting for the chance to make it happen and did pretty much the day after I was out of high school.

 

But I know other people transition earlier and later, and it's just as valid to do so.  Is it because for some people their female mind is buried more and doesn't come out until they get older?  Or is it because of their situations where the female side just can't come out until their life allows it?  Is it because they have more supportive/open parents?

 

I figure it's for so many reasons that the woman in someone finally comes out, I just think it's interesting how it happens at different times for different people.

Chloe, hug your parents because they are truly wonderful! When I was 7 I told my mother I needed to be a girl, and she swore me to secrecy as she knew if my father found out, he would have thrown me out on the street! There are a number of factors why people don't come out or transition, and a very common one is that they simply don't realise that unhappiness they are feeling is related to gender. Those that do realise it may be in social or family situations where doing anything about it is impossible, or maybe even life threatening. I have a theory about late bloomers in that dysphoria can be masked while hormone levels are normal, but dysphoria increases when hormone levels begin to fall with age. 

 

The bottom line is that we are all on a spectrum of where we are at in gender terms, our age, social conditions, and family support, and these things are constantly changing. Basically, we are all different!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[ChloeL]

8 minutes ago, AllieJ said:

Chloe, hug your parents because they are truly wonderful! When I was 7 I told my mother I needed to be a girl, and she swore me to secrecy as she knew if my father found out, he would have thrown me out on the street! T

 

Thanks Allie. My parents aren't as supportive as I'd like them to be, I told my mom at about age 13 or 14 and she really didn't want to talk about it, probably worrying about how my father would react to it if he found out.  I always wondered if she's secretly supportive of what I did but worries how it will affect her marriage if she supported the new me.  I don't talk to them much and my mom still doesn't use my new name.  Maybe that will change we'll see.

[AllieJ]

6 minutes ago, ChloeL said:

 

Thanks Allie. My parents aren't as supportive as I'd like them to be, I told my mom at about age 13 or 14 and she really didn't want to talk about it, probably worrying about how my father would react to it if he found out.  I always wondered if she's secretly supportive of what I did but worries how it will affect her marriage if she supported the new me.  I don't talk to them much and my mom still doesn't use my new name.  Maybe that will change we'll see.

Chloe, live a good life and make them proud and they will have to accept you!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[EasyE]

I know what Kymmie meant by the "weaker" sex but I too agree that women are strong, strong, strong! To me, they are the pinnacle of creation, God's final act before declaring everything "very good!" ... And they have some powerful enchantments surrounding them, that's for sure -- that I long for in and around myself...

 

I remember being in fifth grade and a sixth-grade girl named Amy walked into the cafeteria at my school. I had never talked with her before or anything. But just seeing her literally took my breath away. She was so beautiful! 

 

I tell my two daughters, ages 18 and 14, "use your powers wisely" because the beauty of a woman can stop people in their tracks. 

[Tilly]

9 hours ago, ChloeL said:

I really think this is interesting and try to understand it better.

 

In my case I transitioned at 18, and I've always felt like a girl and was waiting for the chance to make it happen and did pretty much the day after I was out of high school.

 

But I know other people transition earlier and later, and it's just as valid to do so.  Is it because for some people their female mind is buried more and doesn't come out until they get older?  Or is it because of their situations where the female side just can't come out until their life allows it?  Is it because they have more supportive/open parents?

 

I figure it's for so many reasons that the woman in someone finally comes out, I just think it's interesting how it happens at different times for different people.

 

My first memory is of stepping into my sister's underwear, and feeling not just curiosity or thrill but, more importantly, 'right.'

 

Interestingly, I've mentioned this to a few people, all trans-sceptics, who have airily dismissed it. I feel as if I have 'spread my dreams under their feet' and they have not trodden on those dreams softly. They have trampled them.*

 

When I was 15 I sent off to Holland for estrogen cream. My father intercepted the package and went ballistic. He was an extremely difficult man, the most homophobic person I've ever known (to my brother) and he got me packaged up and sent off to the army to 'make me a real man.' When I left the army a year later he didn't speak to me again for six years and wrote me out of his will - a decision he never revoked. As well as being a bully he was distant and fierce. So, no, I don't find it easy to be thankful for him. He was one of the people who screwed up my life. The other main one being the teacher who violently sexually abused me over a long period of time (he later got 10 years).

 

Had I have encountered a more accepting time and space I would have transitioned in my teens. I'm thrilled for you Chloe, truly truly truly. You have your life ahead of you.

 

I spent the next 30 years making do with cross-dressing and being femme. But by the time I got to take proper action about transitioning it it was much harder to do. I'm lucky in that I have long slim legs, I'm not hairy, and I look young for my age - probably the absence of any alcohol and moisturising morning and evening every day for the last 20 years, but it would have been soooooooooooooooo much easier to have transitioned in my teens and god I wish I had!!!!!

 

But I always knew. I carry some pretty strong natural estrogen receptors. Not just the 2D:4D finger ratio but a whole host of other signs that made people pejoratively call me a 'sissy' and a 'fairy' long before those words were appropriated more positively by LGBTQ+. At one stage of my transitioning scientists claimed to be gobsmacked and had 'never seen anything like it' because I began to produce high estrogen levels spontaneously without any exogenous estradiol. The human body is an extraordinary, diverse, and complex entity.