how do you block out family haters ?

[missyjo]

friends 

I have a story which is sadly probably common.

few months ago I approached my 2 siblings after 2 weeks of their assurances they would always be there for me..so I privately told them I am trans n hoped for emotional support. the next day the Bible thumper told me he cannot endorse this sinful life I am choosing. his preaching of hate continued n increased. finally a few weeks ago he called n started under the guise of I want to understand which quickly turned to hatred n preaching. and I've asked my priest in a 3 hour meeting n he was fine, God wants your soul to give thanks n ask forgiveness, He doesn't care if you wear heels or flats. I cried.  anyway I finally told Bible thumping hatred that STOP you clear your chest n I cry n wish I was dead. stop. you hang up n feel good n I look for ways to die. last week he upped the anti sending me a Long email that he needs to protect his family from me. 

yes, hurt, anger, pissed many negative emotions

I think I know what must be done. I've drafted but not sent a note saying don't call  text, stop by or otherwise contact me, even ar my funeral..you're not invited.

 

I feel sad to do it n mom will yell n blame me but I feel like I need to respond to his throwing down the gauntlet of well interact less n less depending on what you do as this thing n not near my family or in public..

 

so I think I need to amputate the cancer from my life. it hurts but it will dull, as opposed to the constant barage of hateful preaching that never gets old to him

.any advice friends?

hugs

missy jo

[Mmindy]

Missy Jo,

 

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time with your bible thumper. I have a sister who totally cut ties with me, but she hasn't been hateful towards me. She even cut her own daughter off, when she came out as lesbian. I hope you're able to sever ties with your family member too. It has been said here in the forums many times. Found family can love you deeper than blood family.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[missyjo]

Mindy

 

thank you dear

 

I feel so alone as both siblings are now, non supportive. the Bible thumper keeps saying he loves me, but not this thing I am n hates my sinful life..n now the other says I should defer to his religious views..

 

what about mine?

 

oh well,..thank you love

 

hugs

 

missy jo

[Vidanjali]

I'm so sorry @missyjo .  The important thing is that you do not internalize the hatred. When it's family members who spew hatred, it seems to hurt more and have the potential to induce self-doubt because we intrinsically believe they must know us best & they must love us best just because we share genetic makeup and have experienced so much proximity. But they are actually individuals on their own path. From a spiritual point of view, consider how much they are suffering from their own hatred. They see themselves as righteous. I believe the true experience of righteousness is never permeated by hatred & "othering". Quite the contrary, true righteousness is permeated by unconditional love, compassion & mercy, as well as joy in the inconceivable vastness of creation of which you are a part. In moments of relevant calm in your mind, pray for your siblings. It'll strengthen your own peace of mind, foster your own healing & do good to others. 

 

I'm glad to hear you have a supportive priest who affirms you and gives you perspective. I suggest reach out to him regularly. Ask him if he is willing to spiritually counsel you periodically. I think it's a good idea to review your drafted email with your priest. He can help you process your anger and upset & get to the heart of your intentions in what you truly wish to convey to your siblings. While it may seem satisfying to express all the upset in words, I suggest a better approach is to process what you want to convey with your trusted spiritual guide so that your email strongly and firmly conveys your truth and nothing more. That is, don't give your siblings any more fuel to their fire. Let it be a message of peace - what you need to cultivate your peace. It'll take some time and deep reflection, but it's worth the work & you will learn a lot about yourself in the process. I'm speaking from experience because I wrote a similar letter to a family member pretty recently. You also have us here if you need to vent or want feedback on your drafts. I pray for your peace of mind & that your siblings' hearts will somehow soften. Much love, dear. 

[missyjo]

thank you darling. I had figured I'd simply cut off communication with family and stop being poked at by them. your approach sounds nicer  healthier  n much harder. I'm losing my priest soon, as they've reassigned him to teach younger preists at seminary. it's a compliment to him n I'm thankful he helped me get this far. 

thank you dear

I'm due for a cry then shower n become human.

hugs

missy jo