Siobhan says hello

[Siobhan F]

My first clear recollection of dysphoria was when I had a girl pierce my ears at age 11. This was in the 1950s and few American-born women had pierced ears – and almost no men. My parents weren't happy, but didn't punish me, and the holes grew over quite rapidly. Now both ears have been pierced for many years and I wear discrete gold hoops although I still present as male.
Skipping ahead a few decades... I married, had a wonderful daughter (we had sex once and it worked!). I came out as gay which surprised no one. I was experiencing a lot of body disphoria and engaged in self-harm – in the guise of body piercing. I hated my penis and testicles. I realized that "gay" didn't adequately describe my situation., so I started refering to myself as "queer". Although my wife and I split up, we've remained close – she calls me her gay best friend.
During the pandemic, I decided to very slowly transition my behavior and wardrobe. I started sitting to pee – which now seems perfectly natural. I started the "40 steps to Femme Program" which helped me focus on some of the less obvious aspects of female behavior. Goodwill has been the recipient of my khakis, flannel shirts and other drab masculine items in my closet as I've added more feminine-appearing garments. My underwear drawers now hold panties and camisoles. Makeup remains problematic. None of my women friends use makeup, so they're no help.
Planned Parenthood indicated that due to impaired kidney function, HRT isn't a viable option for me. Fortunately, due to age and a mild testosterone-reducing spearment supplement suggested by a nutritionist, my genitals have shrunk substantially. In panties, they appear more as a "-why are we talking about this in polite company?-" than a bulge.
Right now I'm shopping for a good human hair wig. My first thought was to get one with gray or white hair, since I'm an "older woman", but on the other hand, since I admired my girl cousins' golden locks as a child, I'm leaning toward an ash blonde shade.
PS I chose the name Siobhan before the series "Succession" started!

 

Sorry this is so long!

[Mmindy]

22 minutes ago, Siobhan F said:

I chose the name Siobhan before the series "Succession" started!

Good morning/afternoon depending on where you are in the Timezone.

Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums, I hope you find this site as helpful as I do. It's not therapy, but it's close. You will be amazed by how many people here have repeated your coming out story. It's so cool to read someone's introduction post and know it almost exactly reads as your own story. I was preteen when I realized I was meant to be a girl. I was the oldest of 5 siblings and gushed over my two youngest siblings wanting to nurture them. It was the late 1960s and a person AMAB shouldn't harbor these feelings or prefer to hangout with the moms instead of the dads.

 

Take your time read the threads, and jump in with your thoughts. You're among like minded folks here.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Heather Shay]

Glad you are here Siobhan. I'm sure you'll receive other replies from some of the amazing people here like Mmindy. This is a forum that has such wonderful affirming people who "get it" and can relate to what you are going through. I was born in the 1950's and growing up in an era that did not accept our condition nor accepted it in any way, shape or form. Thank God things are changing. Look around and answer threads and start others. Ask as many questions as you feel moved to ask and you'll receive honest, loving answers.

[Ivy]

Welcome Siobhan

I grew up in the 50's and 60's as well.  Didn't have a clue about transgender.  Just knew I had to hide my terrible secret.

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forum Siobhan from another child of the 50's and 60's who is only 7 months into my journey. Like many, I repressed the feelings I had until they came roaring out several decades ago...where I not only tried to repress them but felt tremendous guilt and shame. Fortunately, my marriage has survived and my wife has taken on the task of helping me find my style. I've only come out to a few people so far and taking the transition slowly. I look forward to hearing your perspective.

 

My natural hair is totally gray now but I, too, was enamored of getting a blond wig...put it on and realized what a mistake I'd made. So, I bought another all gray one and love it. My natural hair is now long enough that I can style it to look more feminine or pull off my male persona...but I still love that shoulder length look so I'll keep wearing the wig until my own hear hits the right length.

 

I hope you find the information you seek. Jump in wherever you feel comfortable!!

[Siobhan F]

Since my wife had a very demanding job and I was flexibly self-employed, I was able to participate in our daughter's extracurricular activities, including Scouting, At that time, there was a rule that in order to pick up sale items (cookies, calendars, etc.) you had to be a Girl Scout. I was thrilled to join and proudly told my friends that I had joined the Girls Scouts. I still maintain my connection with the organization through an annual contribution. When I buy cookies each year I'm reminded that despite my age and presentation, at heart I'm still a girl.

[Charlize]

Welcome Siobhan.  I love that name but while i have read it many times that is the first time i've written it.  I wouldn't worry about HRT.  Health issues have forced me to stop at times and i was still happily living as myself.  I went full time in at 63 after sharing here and going to a therapist.  The last 12 years have been a wonderful learning experience.  Perhaps they have been the best of my life.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Siobhan F]

Thanks, Ladies, for all the kind encouragement!

Siobhan

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Siobhan, I was born in 1944 and had repressed the girl for many years. Today I express the woman within with my clothing and long curly hair. This site has given me the courage to live a fuller feminine life.

 

I hope you enjoy what you read here and move forward to a more authentic you.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

[MaybeRob]

On 7/23/2023 at 8:49 PM, Siobhan F said:

you had to be a Girl Scout

Hi @Siobhan F and welcome!

 

Your girl scout reference brought back a memory I had completely forgotten about. My mother a leader of the Brownies

and I used to be taken to meetings and events. Maybe this is a starting point in desire to be more femme?

 

Hugs

 

MaybeRob

[gennee]

Hello and welcome.