Dead name

[Lorelei]

My wife is truly behind me with my transition, going as far as scheduling my gender doctor, correct pronouns, bringing me to get my ears pierced, loving who I am really, etc. She has one big issue which is my name. She loves my real name, Rory, and wants me to keep it. She is correct that the name has become unisex since I was born in 1981. She brought up Gilmore Girls and that the the daughter was named Rory. I had really wanted to change it to Theresa. She told me that if I had serious dysphoria over it or even if I hated my name, she would support me in changing it. I don’t think I really hate my current name, and I can even name more female Rory’s than males. I had really wanted a name that was unequivocally female, and Rory doesn’t meet that. When the time is right, do you think I should propose changing it to Lorelai (like Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls), which is an unequivocally female name for my legal name, but continuing to use Rory on a day to day basis? I know it is pretty early for this as I am not even starting gender affirmation treatment until next month. 

[Mmindy]

This is a very good conversation and I'm glad your wife is supportive. As for me, I'm keeping my legal first name because I always loved the actress Michael Learned. I hope to change my middle name to a feminine name starting with an "A" so my initials would remain the same. My screen name Mindy is growing on my wife, and she reluctantly refers to Mindy when asking what my feminine side thinks about a situation involving a LGBTQIA incident or TV show. My wife has a very 1950s name and except for legal documents doesn't use her first name at all. So having Rory as an alias or nickname used by those people that have known you forever might ease your feelings of being dead named by those long term acquaintances. I do understand the wishes to have the unequivocally female name for your legal documents moving forward. Keep the conversation going between everyone you trust, and know that the ultimate decision is yours.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Charlize]

My wife proposed the change of Charlie to Charlize when i changed name and gender some time back.  Charlie was my screen name here when this was still Laura's Playground and dinosaurs roamed our forum.   It is certainly less masculine than Charlize but definitely isn't a common name.  I simply tell folks that it the same as Charlize Terron but that i'm not as pretty.

I like the name Rory but perhaps you could write it as Rorie.  That might get you past the hassle of a legal change?  

1 hour ago, Mmindy said:

Keep the conversation going between everyone you trust, and know that the ultimate decision is yours.

This is an oddly important decision, that our parents were stuck with years ago.  No rush.... experiment and enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Madison_1990]

My male name was very unisex (Morgan) and I debated keeping it because there are some very beautiful women named Morgan.  In the end I decided to change it to another name that some people consider unisex, but to me is slightly more feminine, and changing my legal name was also a way to re-invent myself.

 

But I think you should do whatever seems right to you.

[Ivy]

5 hours ago, Charlize said:

I like the name Rory but perhaps you could write it as Rorie.

This is a thought.  Take your time though.  

I never liked my given name and only used it for legal stuff.  I changed it legally last year, but I took my time about it.  I used Ivy for about a year before the change.  I wanted to be sure it felt right.  In my state you are only allowed to change your name one time -- unless it's for marriage.

[Mirrabooka]

@Theresa I hope you will consider my perspective on this, coming from a questioning AMAB who does not seek a feminine name.

 

Rory is unisex. Keep it as your official name and if it is what your wife calls you, so be it. Change your middle name to Theresa and make it known that it is what you prefer to be called by wider society. An example, I know several gentlemen who have Maxwell as their middle name, but are almost universally called Max.

[Lorelei]

I had my first gender affirming care appointment yesterday, and I picked Lorelei as my preferred name with my pronouns her/she. More about that in the HRT section here. It felt awesome hearing my new name called out loud by the doctor and nurses. My wife has me practicing saying Lorelei out loud as I do have a hard time pronouncing it. Post stroke aphasia really sucks even 11 years later. Theresa (most likely) or Deirdre will become my middle name when the time to legally change my name comes. 

[Ivy]

Pretty name, Lorelei.

[Charlize]

That is a great name!  I could almost feel the smile when you mentioned being called by name at the doctors.  Enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize