Hello from Melbourne, Australia

[Sascha]

Hi there, my chosen name is Sascha,

 

I was AMAB. It was when I was about 6yo when I felt for the first time that I wanted to be a girl. I was raised in a traditional environment and my mom has always been very religious. And so I was distressed. I was afraid to speak with my parents because I thought they'd be angry at me and I thought people in general would mock me. At that age I didn't know being transgender was a thing, so it was a very lonely and scaring feeling. Over time I managed to push back on my wishes and kept them on a corner of my mind. I grew up being very religious myself. My faith was the most important thing in my life and I grew up believing that my secret wish was wrong. God had made me a boy and that was the end of the discussion. 

 

As I grew up these feelings would come and go but I was always able to manage them with my religious views. Like any other person, I was born a sinner and everyone had bad things for which to ask God's forgiveness. Among my multiple sins, one of them was this occasional feeling that maybe I should have been a woman. Eventually I got married. There were times through my life when I had questions and doubts about my religion, but I was always somewhat able to dismiss them. Overtime, however this questions built up to the point that I decided that I had no good reason to believe in any of that anymore. I was already 35yo then. A couple of years later my marriage was over. Although we loved each other we realised that we didn't work as a couple, but we could maintain a beautiful friendship. At this stage, my ex wife is the only close person who knows what I'm going through. 

 

Anyway, I moved on with my life, until one day it dawned on me. It was not shocking at all, it felt completely natural. I had no religious objections anymore, and being divorced I had no one for whom I needed to be a man. I came to the realisation that I was free to transition and finally honour the wishes of the kid I was. Slowly but surely, the drive to do this increased more and more and I started with little things like starting to grow out my hair in my head while trimming off and shaving the hair in my body. It was, as if an asteroid was heading our way. At first, a dim light on the night sky, barely visible. But over time the light grows bigger and bigger until one day it fills the sky and you know that all you can do is brace for impact. Then, I was terrified, thinking about the social backlash that eventually I'll have to face. I'm terrified specially about my mom, as she is in her 70s know and I'm afraid that she might have health issues when she finds out about this. She's a very devout catholic, and there's no doubt this will hurt her deeply. I'm also worried about my family. Even though I migrated to Australia on my own and they are in my country of origin, they will eventually find out. I'm also terrified about work as I know some people there will absolutely despise me. Although Australia is fairly safe for the LGBTQ+ community it is, nevertheless not free from danger. There's a small number of neo unhealthy politics here who would like it for people like me to be executed for who we are. This anxiety crisis only happened last year, so I am still in the closet and afraid of coming out. But it feels like no amount of fear will stop me from eventually doing it. I am autistic, with a lot of social anxiety and OCD, which only exacerbate the problem. 

 

Im 41yo now, and just starting this process of finding myself. I'm going through therapy and I am already registered in the long wait list for a gender clinic. I've been working on my voice, dressing up and putting on make up in the safety of my home. I also managed to find high heels (I'm surprised I could find any for my massive feet) and am learning the craft of walking in them. As much as this experiences had brought me incredible joy I also experience a lot of internalised transphobia and dysphoria. It's a massive emotional rollercoaster with sublime heights and horrible lows. I'm sorry if this was too long, but I'm sure you understand how relieving it is to be able to tell your story in a safe environment. Thanks for reading. Regards, 

 

Sascha.

[MaybeRob]

Hi Sascha

 

Welcome to this great forum.

 

There is a topic under general Issues with a list of some melbourne support serviced that may be useful.

The wait list for most services is frustrating - I decided to source GPs and therapists privately but they do leave you out of pocket. There is also a link for Auspath providers? which I founs very useful

 

Hugs

 

MaybeRob

[AllieJ]

G'day Sacha! There are quite a few Aussies here, and some from Melbourne and regional Victoria. Your story will be familiar to many, and, like you mentioned, Melbourne is mostly an LBGTIAQ+ friendly place. Yes there are far right wing people everywhere, but I have never heard of any assaults by them in Melbourne, and there are hundreds of people transitioning in the city. I transitioned in a regional town, and travelled to many places in Australia during this period, but never felt unsafe. Of course, I avoided places where alcohol is served and radicals can get braver!

 

We transition to reduce dysphoria, so if your dysphoria is not severely impacting your life yet, you have many options. Generally, waiting for gender clinics can be frustrating, so, if you can afford it, you are better to see a private doctor who offers informed consent, and get your treatment started. There are also regular meetups for Trans people with Alphabet Soup in the northern suburbs, and these are highly recommended for your development, and to learn about resources.

 

We are all on this crazy rollercoaster, and when there are highs, you know a low is coming, but when there are lows, you can believe things will go up! Hang in there and you will find peace!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Sascha]

26 minutes ago, MaybeRob said:

Hi Sascha

 

Welcome to this great forum.

 

There is a topic under general Issues with a list of some melbourne support serviced that may be useful.

The wait list for most services is frustrating - I decided to source GPs and therapists privately but they do leave you out of pocket. There is also a link for Auspath providers? which I founs very useful

 

Hugs

 

MaybeRob

Hi MaybeRob, 

 

Thanks for your advice and guidance. I'll have a look at the list, I didn't think I could find one in here but it will be very helpful. Greatly appreciated. Hugs, 

 

Sascha

[Sascha]

16 minutes ago, AllieJ said:

G'day Sacha! There are quite a few Aussies here, and some from Melbourne and regional Victoria. Your story will be familiar to many, and, like you mentioned, Melbourne is mostly an LBGTIAQ+ friendly place. Yes there are far right wing people everywhere, but I have never heard of any assaults by them in Melbourne, and there are hundreds of people transitioning in the city. I transitioned in a regional town, and travelled to many places in Australia during this period, but never felt unsafe. Of course, I avoided places where alcohol is served and radicals can get braver!

 

We transition to reduce dysphoria, so if your dysphoria is not severely impacting your life yet, you have many options. Generally, waiting for gender clinics can be frustrating, so, if you can afford it, you are better to see a private doctor who offers informed consent, and get your treatment started. There are also regular meetups for Trans people with Alphabet Soup in the northern suburbs, and these are highly recommended for your development, and to learn about resources.

 

We are all on this crazy rollercoaster, and when there are highs, you know a low is coming, but when there are lows, you can believe things will go up! Hang in there and you will find peace!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

Hi Allie, 

 

 Thanks for sharing your experience with me and for your words. It's very encouraging. I'll have a look at Alphabet soup. It's not far from where I live. Hugs

 

Sascha

[Heather Shay]

Glad to have you here @Sascha. I see you've already met a couple of the wonderful people here.

[April Marie]

Welcome, Sascha!!

 

As you navigate around the forum, I think you'll find many similarities in the stories we each bring. While each of us is unique, we do share common thoughts, concerns and struggles. I think that's one of the reasons this is such an amazing place. With members ranging from fully transitioned for years to those of us just finding our ways, you can always find ideas, help and support.

 

Jump in where you feel comfortable!!

[Sascha]

28 minutes ago, Heather Shay said:

Glad to have you here @Sascha. I see you've already met a couple of the wonderful people here.

Hi Heather, thanks for your welcoming words!

[Sascha]

25 minutes ago, April Marie said:

Welcome, Sascha!!

 

As you navigate around the forum, I think you'll find many similarities in the stories we each bring. While each of us is unique, we do share common thoughts, concerns and struggles. I think that's one of the reasons this is such an amazing place. With members ranging from fully transitioned for years to those of us just finding our ways, you can always find ideas, help and support.

 

Jump in where you feel comfortable!!

Hi April, thanks for your welcoming words, 

 

I think I've been talking to myself for far too long and is great to find people who have gone through the same experiences I'm having now. I'm looking forward to find more ideas and encouragement to keep moving.

[Charlize]

Welcome Sascha.  I certainly recognize myself in your introduction.  I found wonderful support here as well as a venue where i could share my journey.  

Simply knowing we are not alone is at times so helpful.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sascha]

20 minutes ago, Charlize said:

Welcome Sascha.  I certainly recognize myself in your introduction.  I found wonderful support here as well as a venue where i could share my journey.  

Simply knowing we are not alone is at times so helpful.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 Thanks, Charlize. Yes, it's refreshing to find people sharing our journey. There's a lot of negativity out there about trans people right now, so it's always encouraging to find support. Hugs, 

 

Sascha

[Mmindy]

G'day Sascha,

 

You're in a safe place here. As you read the introductions from others on Transgender Pulse Forums. You'll find out that we share so many life events as we grew up. Thinking we should have been born in a different gender. Transwoman or Transman the self reflecting story almost always sound the same.

 

Hugs, you're not alone,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Sascha]

10 hours ago, Mmindy said:

G'day Sascha,

 

You're in a safe place here. As you read the introductions from others on Transgender Pulse Forums. You'll find out that we share so many life events as we grew up. Thinking we should have been born in a different gender. Transwoman or Transman the self reflecting story almost always sound the same.

 

Hugs, you're not alone,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Hi Mindy, 

 

Thanks for your kind and encouraging words. Hugs, 

 

Sascha

[Mirrabooka]

Hello Sascha, 

 

Another VIC here!

[Sascha]

20 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

Hello Sascha, 

 

Another VIC here!

Hi Mirrabooka, 

 

I'm so happy I'm finding people from VIC here, I'm hoping to find guidance and advice as I prepare myself to get out of the closet. Hugs, 

 

Sascha

[Robin.C]

Welcome Sascha,

 

Lovely to hear of some more wonderful people in our side of the globe 😁

 

Hugs

Robyn

[Sascha]

11 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Welcome Sascha,

 

Lovely to hear of some more wonderful people in our side of the globe 😁

 

Hugs

Robyn

Thanks Robyn, 

 

I'm so glad I found this place! Hugs, 

 

Sascha

[gemmalouise]

Hey Sascha, Putting you name on the waiting list was a big step, but all great journeys start with one. Going outside with a "new look" is very scary but gets easier each time.  You don't have to rush take your time.

[Sascha]

5 hours ago, gemmalouise said:

Hey Sascha, Putting you name on the waiting list was a big step, but all great journeys start with one. Going outside with a "new look" is very scary but gets easier each time.  You don't have to rush take your time.

Hi Gemmalouise, 

 

Thanks for your encouraging words. Yes, I'm working little by little on getting ready to go out for the first time as myself. I hope I can do it before this year ends.