Getting by and making it every day(just rambling)

[Penrose-Pauling]

Doing the best I can, its all I can do. Its just what I need to do.

I had a dream last night, I was alone, I was different but I was how I wanted to be. On a boat in the artic I was with a woman but she died, I just laid down for awhile. waiting to die. I didn't die of course, so I went onto the deck and tied some rope onto myself and connected it to heavy weights. I jump off the boat and into the icy water, I sink a ways down and suddenly I change my mind. I want to live. I struggle trying to untie myself and do get it. I swim to the surface of the water. The boat is gone and I'm most likely going to die. 

I float on my back and look up at the dull blue sky. I have a duller panic in the back of my head.

 

I'm such a sad person, people always have said that to me. Must be in my nature. I think I need a person to help me, but not a real one. I would want me, a wiser me, to talk to. To tell me what to do, how to get through this. But I am that person, I know that I must suffer through this, that It may get better, but its just going to be hard. I've always gotten by on my own, I do the heavy lifting. 

 

Keep going, just keep going, no matter how much it hurts, you'll make your art and then you can die. You can be a sad sack for people like you to look back on and feel sorry for. I live for that, I live for that. I think Im going to watch a movie tonight. Maybe make a plan for myself, to get everything in tract, in control. 

[Jet McCartney]

I've often dreamed of being a sad sack for others to look back on and relate to. The only thing keeping me alive is the hope that my art will make an impact on someone. Maybe someone will relate to me. Perhaps someone will listen to my music, or gaze at my drawings and understand me, and in essence they will then understand themselves. 

 

I can't live forever, because then I wouldn't mean anything, but I can't die too soon, or I won't be able to finish what I have created. 

[Ashley0616]

I have always put on a happy face even though I felt like I was dying on the inside. I didn't know how to express myself or what to say. Somethings you'll have to learn on your own because you know yourself better than anyone else. You know your limits and things that drive you. Try to focus on being a better you the next day and eventually things be looking up. Gender Dysphoria is no laughing matter. Here's an article about suicidal thoughts and suicides. Don't become a statistic. We are here if you need to talk. 

 

Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts in persons with gender dysphoria - PubMed (nih.gov)

[Mmindy]

I like the new picture you're using as your AVI.

 

The North American Bison has overcome such adversity. It lives through the deepest Winter snow because it uses its head and powerful neck muscles sweep away what separates it from the meager grasses and forage. Just as in your dream you overcome the pull of the rope, and the loss of your boat. Floating on your back conserving energy so you can survive. Keep choosing to fight, and know that tomorrow is another day. 

 

Read the posted signature at the bottom of my posts.

 

You and I... We've got this, and we will face tomorrow together.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🏳️‍🌈👻🧛‍♂️ 

[Penrose-Pauling]

37 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

I have always put on a happy face even though I felt like I was dying on the inside. I didn't know how to express myself or what to say. Somethings you'll have to learn on your own because you know yourself better than anyone else. You know your limits and things that drive you. Try to focus on being a better you the next day and eventually things be looking up. Gender Dysphoria is no laughing matter. Here's an article about suicidal thoughts and suicides. Don't become a statistic. We are here if you need to talk. 

 

Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts in persons with gender dysphoria - PubMed (nih.gov)

Thanks, Im just taking it day by day. Working on things

[Penrose-Pauling]

18 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

I like the new picture you're using as your AVI.

 

The North American Bison has overcome such adversity. It lives through the deepest Winter snow because it uses its head and powerful neck muscles sweep away what separates it from the meager grasses and forage. Just as in your dream you overcome the pull of the rope, and the loss of your boat. Floating on your back conserving energy so you can survive. Keep choosing to fight, and know that tomorrow is another day. 

 

Read the posted signature at the bottom of my posts.

 

You and I... We've got this, and we will face tomorrow together.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🏳️‍🌈👻🧛‍♂️ 

Thank you, I just need to make it through this year. I know things are going to be hard for awhile, but I'll try and make it.