Hello from Oregon, USA!

[Taylor Drew]

Hi all!

 

I'm recently turned 41 and recently realized transfemme. I'm considering MtF transition and am working with a therapist.

 

What happened recently:

I made a confession to my wife that I have a cross-dressing fetish, which she fully supported me exploring. When I started dressing feminine, I quickly realized that while I had previously sexualized the activity, it wasn't exclusively sexual for me. I've been very confused and had rapid onset gender dysphoria. I would like to think I'm well-established (married, home-owner, good career) and have nothing to prove to anyone. But these feeling are getting more and more intense.

 

I've become sick of acting according to my masculine training and have started presenting female at home. My wife is super supportive and I feel very lucky in that regard. I'm working with a gender therapist and that has been going really well. I feel so certain that I want to start transitioning but, at the same time, don't want to do something that I later regret.

 

I've watched a lot of videos and read a lot of trans people's stories. I know for a lot of people this *is not* a choice but something that they have to do. I don't necessarily feel that way. But I do feel that if I don't pursue this, I won't be living my own truth.

 

Anyways, I'm here from Jackie Rabbit's YouTube videos. I want to meet other people like me and get support through this emotional roller-coaster.

 

--Taylor Drew

[VickySGV]

3 minutes ago, Taylor Drew said:

had rapid onset gender dysphoria.

 

 

Welcome to the forums. 

 

I think you mean that you quickly realized that what had been in your mind was GD, because what you describe is a word looking for its definition and you gave it a definition when you realized it was not just a sexual thing.  Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria is a debunked phenomena from a group of parents whose kids were afraid to tell them  how they felt or refused to accept them as Trans.  Yours sounds like the garden variety run of and earlier set of feelings that we all have experienced no matter when we first defined them.  Again, WELCOME!

[Taylor Drew]

4 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

I think you mean that you quickly realized that what had been in your mind was GD, because what you describe is a word looking for its definition and you gave it a definition when you realized it was not just a sexual thing.  Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria is a debunked phenomena from a group of parents whose kids were afraid to tell them  how they felt or refused to accept them as Trans.

 

Yes, that makes much more sense. I didn't realize I was using a loaded term, it was just something that came to mind when typing.

[April Marie]

Welcome!!! You'll find lots of amazing information and wonderful people here. Many of us are late comers to the party having denied our gender identity for decades until something finally pushed us to accept who we are.

 

I'm a bit older but similar to you in family, career and social situations so full transition is not a viable option. Like you, I also have a fully supportive wife - that is a blessing most don't enjoy. 

 

Transition is not a fixed point but, rather, a sliding scale. We each have to find where we feel comfortable and for many full transition isn't the answer or possible.

 

Dysphoria is a beast that is hard to tame, not curable without transition but potentially manageable. Your therapist will help you figure out what works best for you.

 

Welsome and jump in where you feel comfortable!!!

[KymmieL]

Welcome Taylor, As April has said some of us are a bit older when our egg cracked. And we finally realized that those little clues we had when we were younger was our subconscious telling us something. 

 

I myself just thought I was a crossdresser, but something never jived. Who other than a trans female would rationalize taking over the counter hormones to grow breasts to look better when he crossdressed. This girl right here. bad move on my part. those OTC pills put me in the ICU with blood clots in each lung. NEVER, NEVER,NEVER ever do what I did, always seek medical advice with hormones.

 

That said, any questions you have, ask away. One of us probably gone through it at one point.

 

Kymmie

[Mmindy]

Welcome Taylor,

 

I'm glad you have a supportive spouse and you're working with a gender therapist. Like you I came here after exhausting all of Jackie Rabbit's videos. As the others have mentioned, my egg cracked late in life.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Taylor,

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf 🐾

[EasyE]

On 11/9/2023 at 4:16 PM, Taylor Drew said:

I made a confession to my wife that I have a cross-dressing fetish, which she fully supported me exploring. When I started dressing feminine, I quickly realized that while I had previously sexualized the activity, it wasn't exclusively sexual for me. I've been very confused and had rapid onset gender dysphoria. I would like to think I'm well-established (married, home-owner, good career) and have nothing to prove to anyone. But these feeling are getting more and more intense.

This sounds very familiar to my story, except for the fully supportive wife part  haha- (my wife is pretty freaked out actually) ... But I know what you mean when you say that things came on quickly and seemingly out of nowhere...

 

I have always had an enchantment with wearing women's underwear, since elementary school. I thought I was just weird that way. Then I've realized over the past 18 months or so (i'm in my 50s) that it is much more than that. I am kind of freaked out, kind of scared but kind of excited too at what may await around the bend. 

 

Appreciate the support that you have. But don't be surprised when you take concrete steps toward transition if some people step away from you. I've read that a lot on here (and have lived it myself though I haven't taken gigantic public steps yet)...

 

Best wishes and welcome! Looking forward to hearing more of your story as it unfolds

 

EasyE

[Lydia_R]

Welcome Taylor Drew!  I'm in Portland as well and 52yo.  It's been an incredible journey for me the last few years.  Until recently, I felt that those of us who have partners had a rough go of it.  I've been single for 4 years and started major steps into transition when my last partner died.  I'm in the position now of having been on HRT for 15 months and am looking for a partner.  It's confusing.  Who is going to want to date this old[ish] shy transwoman?  I'm starting to feel backlash in the community as well.  It's becoming hard to hang on to my identity.

 

HRT has been wonderful though.  Not having erections is so relaxing and totally changed the way I think about...  Well, about everything!  It is a mental shift!  I stopped taking them a couple weeks ago.  I want to be back on them, but I'm not sure there is anything more to gain from that experience.  I'm a little paranoid about it now.  I don't see ever dressing in a masculine way anymore unless I absolutely have to for work.

 

Perhaps we can go get a bite to eat sometime?

 

-Lydia

[Ivy]

Welcome Taylor

[Mirrabooka]

On 11/10/2023 at 8:16 AM, Taylor Drew said:

I've watched a lot of videos and read a lot of trans people's stories. I know for a lot of people this *is not* a choice but something that they have to do. I don't necessarily feel that way.

Hi there @Taylor Drew, welcome aboard! I know exactly what you mean. It's like being in a state of flux, not knowing if you're 'trans enough' to commit to transitioning, but knowing that inside, you are further along the rainbow than what you were when you were 'just' a crossdresser. Good on you for seeing a therapist too, I hope it helps!

 

Wearing girly underwear and other clothes also has no sexual appeal for me anymore. It just feels right! My wife is also accepting but not necessarily supportive, and definitely not enthusiastic, but I'm happy with the level that I'm at now. 

 

May I ask, are you doing other affirming things like growing your hair, painting your nails etc.? 

[Heather Shay]

Welcome, welcome, welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Vidanjali]

Hello & welcome!