Affirming styles while growing hair out

[MaeBe]

I wasted the freebee hair growth over COVID, getting it cut when shops were open again; this was before I started down the path of realization that there's more going on with me than boy mode. I've been trying to grow it out since the Spring, but I've done a poor job of communicating with my stylist. I've had a couple visits, wanting to keep things clean but that translated to "OK, we'll keep some length but..." This Fall I pretty much said, "I'm growing it out. Period." So I'm dealing with mouth length top and a burgeoning mullet in the back, yuck! I've been doing a side part faux bob, but that probably won't last long as the back grows out more.

 

For those of you that have gone through the awkward "growing out" stages, what styles or tricks did you do with your hair to stay presentable?

[April Marie]

I started growing out last January and waited until this past summer to visit a hairdresser. It was getting pretty unwieldy. I told my hairdresser I am growing it out, and want to part it somewhere offset from the middle of my head so do what you can to shape it without shortening it. Of course, she has to trim it a bit but I've been really happy with what she's done.

 

I now part it closer to the center and will then tuck the left behind an ear, tuck both sides behind my ear or style it when I blow it out and shape it around my face. I'll typically curl it in the back so I get a slight flip. Sassy. 🙂

[VickySGV]

To butcher the old winter song, "Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow!!"  Come out to your stylist, or one recommended to you from your local Trans Support Group, although you will find most stylists are pretty open minded.  If yours is NOT, time for a new stylist is my feeling. Clip-in hair extensions are getting pretty reasonable in beauty supply stores and can get you beyond the neck length "mullet" stage pretty easily.  They do take a bit of practice to get in, but end up looking nice.   I do have a display of some hair pieces I have used over the years in my gallery here which include the clip in extensions.

[Timi]

I just started going through this, and I laugh at myself every time I think about it. Just being at the absolute beginning of my transition, I scoured the internet for styles for men with balding crowns (my challenge). The number one recommendation: Shaved head. Followed by waxed shaved head. No thanks! 

 

I found a photo of Billy Bob Thorton with a messy bang side combover that looked cool for the time being. I found a shop that specializes in caring for trans folks. Then the big day came and I booked a facial at the spa, then my first visit with the new hair stylist, then lunch with a friend. What a great day!

 

So I met the new stylist and said I'm wanting to move to align my hairstyle with my feminine identity, and I showed him the photo of Billy Bob, and I'm all smiling and bubbly after my first facial ever. 

 

And he says the words you never really want to hear from a stylist: "Can I be honest with you?"

 

It still makes me laugh. 

 

I put my trust in him and he did something I never ever would have done to take care of me while the hair grows out. He basically brushed everything straight back. Gave me some appropriate product, said it will cover the crown and give everything a chance to grow. And he really was steering me towards toppers and wigs. 

 

I thought the straight back hair would make me look like I was auditioning for a mafia movie or something, but it doesn't. 

 

It also doesn't look feminine - but I think it does help build a gender-ambiguous look that is fine with me at this stage of my transition. And it subtly signals to everyone I know (even if I'm not "out" to them), and to myself every morning, that things are changing. Get used to it. 

 

I know this probably won't be of much help to you, but it still makes me laugh at myself. And it was the source of two of my "rules" for myself:

 

#4 Things are going to change. Get used to it. 

#5 Things won't always go the way you expect. 

 

Thanks for listening, 

 

-Timi

 

[Birdie]

I started growing my hair out from a mullet, so you can imagine it was weird. 😲

 

I have told the hairdresser my intentions, and that I would still like it manageable. 💁‍♀️

 

We have layered it twice without removing much length, just bulk. The sides free hang to the bottom of my ears now and the back is down past my shoulders a bit. The front bangs reach my eyes. 

 

My hair looks great! A good hairdresser can 'make it work'!

[Ashley0616]

I started off with a shaved head and it's now at 3.25" long. I wished I didn't shave it all the time. 

[MaeBe]

Thank you for the ideas and stories so far!

4 hours ago, April Marie said:

I'll typically curl it in the back so I get a slight flip. Sassy. 🙂

I'll bet! I hadn't thought of that!

 

4 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Come out to your stylist

I thought about it the last time I was in. She asked me, "Will you be growing the beard back?" I said no. "Too much work?", she responds. "That and other reasons", I replied with an internal giggle.

 

3 hours ago, Timi Shiels said:

I know this probably won't be of much help to you, but it still makes me laugh at myself.

I think I'm blessed with a life-long head of hair, no balding on either side of the family. No shade for those that are/have! I'm glad you found something that makes you've got something that's working for you for now!

 

2 hours ago, Birdie said:

My hair looks great! A good hairdresser can 'make it work'!

Awesome!

 

22 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

I wished I didn't shave it all the time.

I was just thinking how much more hair I'd have if I'd been a bit more forward, or just cancelled the appointments! I always used to joke with stylists, "I'm not too fussed, it'll grow back". Yeah, but so darn slowly!

[Ashley0616]

2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

I was just thinking how much more hair I'd have if I'd been a bit more forward, or just cancelled the appointments! I always used to joke with stylists, "I'm not too fussed, it'll grow back". Yeah, but so darn slowly!

You aren't kidding. I want my hair to the back of my knees. I want to it very long. 

[Mirrabooka]

@MaeBe, stick with the program! In my experience there are a few different awkward stages when you grow your hair out, but it is sooo worth it! Just keep going!!! 

 

I consdider myself extremely lucky to have a full head of hair. It is my best physical feature (apart from moobs... )My father covered his bald patch with a combover ever since I could remember and my brother deals with his baldness by getting buzzed with a #1 comb.  

 

When I started growing my hair, after 25 years of buzz cuts, I hated the first stage where it didn't look presentable either way. It was just a mess. I went to a hairdresser and said that I wanted to grow it, but I wanted the ugly bits dealt with. So, she cut it this way and that, basically layering it, and to be honest it did look pretty good for a while. But I was soon back to the point where it was horrible again. I went back a few months later and just happened to get a different hairdresser who was totally into guys growing their hair! We struck up an immediate rapport and I see her specifically every three months now. I really look forward to it too; we chat like besties. 

 

The best way to grow your hair is to grow it out completely. You just have to put up with what happens in the interim. Every time I get a trim, my hairdresser takes none off the shortest layer, a little off the next, and a bit more off the longest. It looks really cool in the mirror when she 'operates' on me with different sections of my hair all clipped up! Next trim, my layers should be completely out. My hair is shoulder length now, and just starting to fall naturally either side of my shoulders. I normally part my hair and tie it up or tuck it behind my ears but if I want to look girly I will let it fall over my ears - if you go to the bottom of Page 271 of the "What are you wearing today?" thread you will see what I mean.   

 

I can style it in so many different ways now, so you definitely have something to look forward to! Parted in the middle and tucked behind ears or not, or a low ponytail. Parted off centre with the short side behind the ear, long side not, or both sides behind ears. Combed or brushed over the top with a higher ponytail, which can be pulled through the gap in a cap. Or lean forward and brush it from behind and over the top when it is wet and let it dry messily. The possibilities are endless!

 

In the meantime, I suggest tying it up in a ponytail as soon as you can if you want to remain neat. Don't use those skinny hair ties though, they can create a weak point and damage your hair. Use the thicker, softer hair ties. To deal with the frizz, which I'm still prone to particularly above my left temple, DO NOT cut those bits of hair. Smear some moisturizer such as sorbolene in your hands and run it through your hair, then comb. It won't eliminate it all but it helps. Believe it or not sunscreen also works.

 

You've got the rest of your life to show off your beautiful hair. Like Vicky said, let it grow, let it grow, let it grow! 

 

 

[April Marie]

27 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

@MaeBe, stick with the program! In my experience there are a few different awkward stages when you grow your hair out, but it is sooo worth it! Just keep going!!! 

 

I consdider myself extremely lucky to have a full head of hair. It is my best physical feature (apart from moobs... )My father covered his bald patch with a combover ever since I could remember and my brother deals with his baldness by getting buzzed with a #1 comb.  

 

When I started growing my hair, after 25 years of buzz cuts, I hated the first stage where it didn't look presentable either way. It was just a mess. I went to a hairdresser and said that I wanted to grow it, but I wanted the ugly bits dealt with. So, she cut it this way and that, basically layering it, and to be honest it did look pretty good for a while. But I was soon back to the point where it was horrible again. I went back a few months later and just happened to get a different hairdresser who was totally into guys growing their hair! We struck up an immediate rapport and I see her specifically every three months now. I really look forward to it too; we chat like besties. 

 

The best way to grow your hair is to grow it out completely. You just have to put up with what happens in the interim. Every time I get a trim, my hairdresser takes none off the shortest layer, a little off the next, and a bit more off the longest. It looks really cool in the mirror when she 'operates' on me with different sections of my hair all clipped up! Next trim, my layers should be completely out. My hair is shoulder length now, and just starting to fall naturally either side of my shoulders. I normally part my hair and tie it up or tuck it behind my ears but if I want to look girly I will let it fall over my ears - if you go to the bottom of Page 271 of the "What are you wearing today?" thread you will see what I mean.   

 

I can style it in so many different ways now, so you definitely have something to look forward to! Parted in the middle and tucked behind ears or not, or a low ponytail. Parted off centre with the short side behind the ear, long side not, or both sides behind ears. Combed or brushed over the top with a higher ponytail, which can be pulled through the gap in a cap. Or lean forward and brush it from behind and over the top when it is wet and let it dry messily. The possibilities are endless!

 

In the meantime, I suggest tying it up in a ponytail as soon as you can if you want to remain neat. Don't use those skinny hair ties though, they can create a weak point and damage your hair. Use the thicker, softer hair ties. To deal with the frizz, which I'm still prone to particularly above my left temple, DO NOT cut those bits of hair. Smear some moisturizer such as sorbolene in your hands and run it through your hair, then comb. It won't eliminate it all but it helps. Believe it or not sunscreen also works.

 

You've got the rest of your life to show off your beautiful hair. Like Vicky said, let it grow, let it grow, let it grow! 

 

 

I wish we had a "Like" button. So much goodness here.

 

I actually just discovered the "parted lightly to one side and tucked behind the ear with the other side falling naturally" look yesterday.

 

I can't wait until it falls over my shoulders and I can do a longer ponytail. I recently bought a hat that has a cut-out for a ponytail. 🙂

[MaeBe]

On 12/2/2023 at 5:51 AM, Mirrabooka said:

You've got the rest of your life to show off your beautiful hair. Like Vicky said, let it grow, let it grow, let it grow! 

True enough! I just don't know what I want to do with it outside growing it. Maybe what my new avatar is rocking?

[Mirrabooka]

@MaeBe I've been saying exctly the same thing to others about my hair. "I don't have an aim, I just like it!" I say, while secretly knowing that I should do something with it one day, and imagining myself with beautifully styled hair. I mentioned to my hairdresser the other week that I should do something with it one day and she said, "Nah, just grow it!" Well, that grounded me! I am actually happy to keep simply styling it myself without getting it professionally styled, IYKWIM. The longer it gets, the more versatile it is.

[MaeBe]

Growing away! At this point however, can’t see myself with hair beyond my shoulders. A length I can tuck behind an ear and pony up sounds really nice. 

[Mirrabooka]

Yep, and that length will still enable you to get it cut and styled in many different ways too, if you want to.

 

I'm sure we all do this to some extent, but I do it to the max...study women. Whether they are TV presenters or reporters, or actors, or real life people, I constantly take mental notes of what they do with their hair to look great. Here's a style I really like even though it is only collar length. Parted to one side, but the long side combed both backwards and to the side:

Sarah Harris | Management | TSA Talent

[MaeBe]

Oooh, inspirational/aspirational hairstyle pictures. What a good idea, @Mirrabooka!

 

https://glaminati.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/tp-medium-length-hairstyles-2022.jpg

[Vidanjali]

On 12/1/2023 at 12:30 PM, Timi said:

I just started going through this, and I laugh at myself every time I think about it. Just being at the absolute beginning of my transition, I scoured the internet for styles for men with balding crowns (my challenge). The number one recommendation: Shaved head. Followed by waxed shaved head. No thanks! 

 

I found a photo of Billy Bob Thorton with a messy bang side combover that looked cool for the time being. I found a shop that specializes in caring for trans folks. Then the big day came and I booked a facial at the spa, then my first visit with the new hair stylist, then lunch with a friend. What a great day!

 

So I met the new stylist and said I'm wanting to move to align my hairstyle with my feminine identity, and I showed him the photo of Billy Bob, and I'm all smiling and bubbly after my first facial ever. 

 

And he says the words you never really want to hear from a stylist: "Can I be honest with you?"

 

It still makes me laugh. 

 

I put my trust in him and he did something I never ever would have done to take care of me while the hair grows out. He basically brushed everything straight back. Gave me some appropriate product, said it will cover the crown and give everything a chance to grow. And he really was steering me towards toppers and wigs. 

 

I thought the straight back hair would make me look like I was auditioning for a mafia movie or something, but it doesn't. 

 

It also doesn't look feminine - but I think it does help build a gender-ambiguous look that is fine with me at this stage of my transition. And it subtly signals to everyone I know (even if I'm not "out" to them), and to myself every morning, that things are changing. Get used to it. 

 

I know this probably won't be of much help to you, but it still makes me laugh at myself. And it was the source of two of my "rules" for myself:

 

#4 Things are going to change. Get used to it. 

#5 Things won't always go the way you expect. 

 

Thanks for listening, 

 

-Timi

 

 

You might consider wearing a wide cloth headband or turban headband to feminize your look while your brushed back hair grows out. You can find lots of different patterns like these for example.

[MomTGDaughter]

On 12/1/2023 at 7:48 AM, MaeBe said:

I wasted the freebee hair growth over COVID, getting it cut when shops were open again; this was before I started down the path of realization that there's more going on with me than boy mode. I've been trying to grow it out since the Spring, but I've done a poor job of communicating with my stylist. I've had a couple visits, wanting to keep things clean but that translated to "OK, we'll keep some length but..." This Fall I pretty much said, "I'm growing it out. Period." So I'm dealing with mouth length top and a burgeoning mullet in the back, yuck! I've been doing a side part faux bob, but that probably won't last long as the back grows out more. Each of our hair texture is different, so havea a good stylist make suggestions based on your hair. How long have you been able to grow it and how thick is it? 

 

For those of you that have gone through the awkward "growing out" stages, what styles or tricks did you do with your hair to stay presentable?

 

i helped my daughter through this 4 years ago as she also was transitioning during the COVID stay at home mandates and forced to being at home allowed her to transition earlier than planned.  Growing her hair was  a big priority and she actually already started this process in October when we first started discussing her transition (mother daughter talk). Because she really did not go out of the house, we let her grow it out until June and it was long enough at that point to style it on a bob which Gina our stylist did a wonderful job. Over the years, I had GIna do a number of different styles on her. What really helped her grow her hair very long was me doing a regular scalp message and having her use Biotin. I think this is key, message scalp and biotin as Sheila has thick healthy long hair. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I'm coming at it from the opposite direction - changing into boy form with hair getting shorter.  I also have a partner who's got fairly short hair.  You can do quite a bit once you get a couple of inches of hair....the trick is to go with fluffy styles or even some gel, making it look bigger and stand out farther.  The flatter it lays, the less feminine you look. 

 

My current hairstyle is a variation of a layered pixie cut.  Its androgynous...I can be a boy or a girl in people's minds depending on how they see me.  I've shortened it recently with really short sides, and it is still effective. 

[Mirrabooka]

On 3/1/2024 at 1:18 PM, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I've shortened it recently with really short sides, and it is still effective. 

Sounds like a mullet! lol

 

My hair is continuing to grow. The longer it gets, the easier it is for it to find its natural style. After I dry it out of the shower, it actually parts itself. Today, I manually parted it off center and initially brushed it behind my ears but was then happy to let it do its thing and flop where it wanted to. Looking in the mirror at times, I became the sort of woman with pretty hair that I often envy in public. It is so affirming!

[MaeBe]

On 3/2/2024 at 4:39 AM, Mirrabooka said:

Looking in the mirror at times, I became the sort of woman with pretty hair that I often envy in public. It is so affirming!

Love this!

 

My hair is slowly growing out. Pulled straight down it hits my mouth, so I'm still doing a side-part pseudo-bob. I have a nice cowlick, so I get some volume in the front and if I blow dry I get a nice effect. I invested in a hair mask, leave-in conditioner, and some hair oil in hopes of keeping my hair healthy to keep it growing. Half an inch by half an inch I go!