Cheryl (rishaya) again - more info, early childhood.

[Rishaya]

So ladies, I was crossdressing when I was 3 and was extremely compulsive about it and tried to “not get caught”.   I wasn’t sucessful at that.I told one of my sisters  recently and was told she already knew.

 

I was always trying to “be a man”.   Boys gain status by being athletes, so I joined the gymnastics team.   I competed on the rings and got real strong.   I thought “wow, that saved me - I was too muscular for the clothes to fit!  Majored in physics in college and continued the gymnastics.

 

Ironically, I can’t even do a pushup now and in college I could do the iron cross on the rings.   Easy come, easy go, I guess.   And all through this I was still doing the rings.  I had sooo much shame that I wss glad I had the muscles.   They kept the clothes from fitting and kept me from becoming a pervert in NYC.

 

Next installment - dealing with dysphoria in adulthood.

 

Vhdryl

[Rishaya]

So, my adulthood was still filled with shame.  Thinking about being a girl/woman ALL THE TIME.   Still didn’t know what I was untill 30.  Tried to transition but shame, fear forced to stop.   I stopped the estrogen and no crossdressing for 7-8 yesrs.  It came back of course.

 

My dysphoria exploded inside me 6 years ago, I,started estrogen again, 11 months after that I had a stroke.  No more estrogen for the rest of my life.   Spiro, then orchi,

Despite no estrogen, now I can pass at the beach.  Yay!

 

So now what.  It’s strong again and full transition is a real possibility.   But my wife would leave, so I don’t know.

 

I pass as cis easily, so I’m trying to establish a social life as cis. I’m lucky, I pass easily as cis, so who knows.

 

Cheryl

 

 

[Timi]

Welcome and thank you so much for sharing!

 

-Timi

[Rishaya]

You could say I’m doing a partial transition.   My body is feminine enough I can pass at the beach.  The orchiectomy was best for me, saved me from self harm.  
 

I pass as cis- fairly easily.   Used to go to ballroom dances.

 

I joined some meetup groups, planning on making cis friends who don’t know I’m trans.   I hope this will be enough for me.  I don’t want to lose my wife.  Said she’d leave if I go further.  I don’t get it, if she can handle what I’ve been, why not fulltime.

 

Cheryl
 

 

 

 

 

 

[EasyE]

On 12/7/2023 at 10:09 AM, Rishaya said:

I,started estrogen again, 11 months after that I had a stroke.

Thank you for sharing and welcome... this is one of the parts that gives me great pause... 

[Rishaya]

It should.  My only other risk factor other than the estrogen was family history.

 

But, I was 67 and he put me on tablets.  Should’ve been patch