My story... so far

[hormonedifficientin2ways]

I still have a long journey ahead of me, but here's my transgender story so far. 

 

ever since i was a kid, i didn't like being seen as "girly". I decided that purple was my favorite color because pink was to feminine for me. 

When i went through puberty i began to develop anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideations. these struggles last to this day. i started identifying as lesbian, i even had a two year relationship with a girl, who would later transition to be a boy. when he did come out we were still together, and i noticed that being in a relationship with a boy didn't bother me. So i started thinking more about my attraction to men. i went from identifying as bi, to pan, and back to lesbian before having an epiphany in 2020. i didn't just like men, i wanted to be one. 

i stared drawing myself as a man. i loved it. things started to fall into place; i figured out why my gender was so hard to understand, why i didn't like my body, and why i didn't like my face. I came out to my immediate family first. everyone took it fairly well except for my sister, who is now an incredible ally. Next i came out to my extended family, who are basically all Mennonite. to my surprise, they actually make an effort to use my proper titles, even though I'm the only openly queer person in the family. Its been about 3 and a half years since i came out. 

for my legal transition, i have my name legally changed! 

Medical transition has not been as successful. Because i am a minor, the choice of when i transition is not in my hands right now. and unfortunately, my parents have decided to make me wait until i am 18, and for me to pay for all of the expenses. this decision was made very clear to me a few months ago, and these months since have been very hard. 

i haven't given up hope. I can still reach my goal! i try my best to enjoy life day by day and appreciate the beauty of life. 

[Mmindy]

Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums,

 

It's good that you have family support in a tight-nit community. Look around, feel free to join in on conversation.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ashley0616]

I'm glad that you found us and more importantly you have support from family too! I'm still new to this as well. I just started on HRT on May 17 2023 and came out April 17 2023. I lost a lot of support. I would still do it again because the people that matter to me are still with me. Unfortunately they use my dead name still. I highly doubt they will ever use Ashley. One can hope I guess. What are your hobbies?

[Heather Shay]

I'm so glad you found us. Many here understand how you feel as we have experiences going one way FTM or MTF. So many similarities. You have to be you to be happy. So continue making progress even if is isslow. Keep asking questions and checking posts.

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forums!! You'll find lots of information and wonderful people here. Jump in where you feel comfortable.

 

And keep that positive attitude! You will reach your goal!!

[Betty K]

16 hours ago, hormonedifficientin2ways said:

Because i am a minor, the choice of when i transition is not in my hands right now. and unfortunately, my parents have decided to make me wait until i am 18, and for me to pay for all of the expenses.

I work as a disability support worker and mentor for young trans folks and one of my clients is in the same situation. I have spoken with their legal guardian a few times on this topic, but unfortunately I can’t seem to budge her. Her view is that she does not think testosterone is “right” for my client and that she does not want to bear the responsibility if my client decides later they have made a mistake. On the other hand, she does believe my client is trans and doesn’t believe they’ll change their mind. It’s such a difficult situation, and for her to make it about the money seems so weird to me, since she’s not poor. It just seems like an artificial barrier she had erected to slow my client down. 
 

All of which is to say I feel for you! I see how difficult this situation is and I wish I could help. Hang in there! It took me 48 years to start transitioning. Even if you are slowed down by a few years you’ll be doing wayyyy better than I did! Stay strong.

[hormonedifficientin2ways]

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

I work as a disability support worker and mentor for young trans folks and one of my clients is in the same situation. I have spoken with their legal guardian a few times on this topic, but unfortunately I can’t seem to budge her. Her view is that she does not think testosterone is “right” for my client and that she does not want to bear the responsibility if my client decides later they have made a mistake. On the other hand, she does believe my client is trans and doesn’t believe they’ll change their mind. It’s such a difficult situation, and for her to make it about the money seems so weird to me, since she’s not poor. It just seems like an artificial barrier she had erected to slow my client down. 
 

All of which is to say I feel for you! I see how difficult this situation is and I wish I could help. Hang in there! It took me 48 years to start transitioning. Even if you are slowed down by a few years you’ll be doing wayyyy better than I did! Stay strong.

 

yeah, that's really similar to how my mom feels. she cares for me very, very much. She cares for me so much that she doesn't see how much good medical transition will do for me. Its been rough and i dislike her decision a ton, but building a resentment is the last thing i want to do. 

the silver lining to all of this is that i have time to save up some money, because top surgery is my #1 priority. 

[Ivy]

Welcome @hormonedifficientin2ways

[Betty K]

10 hours ago, hormonedifficientin2ways said:

 

yeah, that's really similar to how my mom feels. she cares for me very, very much. She cares for me so much that she doesn't see how much good medical transition will do for me. Its been rough and i dislike her decision a ton, but building a resentment is the last thing i want to do. 

the silver lining to all of this is that i have time to save up some money, because top surgery is my #1 priority. 

I’m glad that you can understand where your mum is coming from. This is something I’ve encountered a few times with parents of young people wanting to start testosterone. They are frightened and acting out of a protective impulse that, unfortunately, stems partly from ignorance and disinformation in the media as often as not. But you’re right that resenting your mother won’t help. 
 

I don’t know if your mother is a serious reader but if so I highly recommend the book Trans Kids by Tey Meadow. It’s a dense book but packed with facts and observations that contradict the dominant media narrative around young transmasculine folks.