Introduction

[Owly]

Hello

I'm 48 years old. I live in Los Angeles. I just came out as nonbinary to my husband, my kids and friends. I started HRT almost 6 weeks ago. I'm excited and nervous about this chapter of my life. As I began this journey I realized that I needed to find a new community of other non-binary identifying people like myself. I'm reading He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar and I'm learning A LOT about being trans/nonbinary stuff.  I would love to meet others in similar situations or folks who've gone through what I'm going through to chat. Thank you. 

[Vidanjali]

Hi & welcome @Owly. I'm also nonbinary, but not doing any HRT. How was coming out to your family? I came out to myself and then my husband in 2019. It was a process with him, to put it lightly, but at present we are doing better than ever. For myself it's been a huge relief and has made so many disjointed pieces of my life make much more sense. I've been becoming increasingly self-accepting in ways I never dreamed possible. I just looked up the Schuyler Bailar book you mentioned and it looks great. I'm interested to read it too. 

[Owly]

Hi @Vidanjali. It was kind of easy. I'm very fortunate to have a very supportive husband. My kids were super cool about it too. My mom not so much. She said "if you wanna be a woman, be a woman" ahaha i just told her I was going through some gender identity stuff and started HRT.  My husband and I have had a couple of conversations about it and all seems to be ok right now.

I hear you! My husband and I have never been closer (in my opinion. and we have been very close and connected for the past 13 years). 

HRT made me feel so at ease with myself. I didn't think it would. I was told my by provider that folks who start HRT do report feeling more secure about who they are and HRT helps figure out how they want to identify.

I just started watching Sort Of on MAX and I'm so blown away by the main character.

Thank you for reaching out

[Vidanjali]

13 hours ago, Owly said:

"if you wanna be a woman, be a woman" ahaha i just told her I was going through some gender identity stuff and started HRT. 

 

Interesting that some people are so uncomfortable with the nonbinary that they would be more apt to accept you as a trans binary person?! I have not told my mother. I just don't feel it's important to our relationship - I have developed strict boundaries with her for the good of my mental health. Besides, much of my family is quite bigoted and narrowminded - no offense to them, honestly, it's just the way it is. I've only told four family members - my brother because we are close and he is an emotionally intelligent and compassionate person; one cousin because she came out as gay and I wanted to let her know she's not the only queer one in the family; that cousin's sister who is an ally to her, but who evidently doesn't understand much about trans identity because a little while after I told her she referred to me as a lady. Sometimes, as I am sure you must have experienced, it takes reexplaining multiple times. The fourth family member I told is one of my uncles simply because I got fed up when I learned about how frequently he posts transphobic memes on facebook. The final straw for me with him was I was planning to travel out of state to see a friend and offered to come visit him too since I'd be nearby. Hearing this, my husband brought to my attention that this uncle had just posted a stupid meme on facebook intimating that people who use they/them pronouns are demonic. So I spent a lot of time carefully crafting a letter to him which I sent. My coming out to him was strictly to make him think and hopefully for his benefit. He responded only briefly via text not really saying much. I don't think he's told my mother who is his sister. But if he did it wouldn't bother me, but at this point in my development, it would be more challenging for her than me. 

 

Here's a link to the post I wrote about this episode in case you're interested. It includes the letter I wrote.

 

13 hours ago, Owly said:

My husband and I have never been closer (in my opinion. and we have been very close and connected for the past 13 years). 

 

It's miraculous how much richer everything in your life becomes when you allow your authentic self to be known.

 

13 hours ago, Owly said:

HRT made me feel so at ease with myself. I didn't think it would. I was told my by provider that folks who start HRT do report feeling more secure about who they are and HRT helps figure out how they want to identify.

 

I've had thoughts about trying T, but really only in the context of my disability because I have read that it has helped others with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome to develop better musculature. I do wish I could snap my fingers and have top surgery over and done with, but again re disability, I don't see myself deliberately introducing more medical stuff to deal with. So, binders it is for me.

 

13 hours ago, Owly said:

I just started watching Sort Of on MAX and I'm so blown away by the main character.

 

I really want to see that show, but we don't have MAX. Maybe it'll become available elsewhere in the future.

[Owly]

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

Maybe it'll become available elsewhere in the future

i believe amazon prime and youtube have it as well.

[Owly]

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

I've had thoughts about trying T, but really only in the context of my disability because I have read that it has helped others with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome to develop better musculature. I do wish I could snap my fingers and have top surgery over and done with, but again re disability, I don't see myself deliberately introducing more medical stuff to deal with. So, binders it is for me.

 

I'm sorry top surgery is not an option for you. Has your doc said anything about the possibility of starting T?

[Vidanjali]

On 1/28/2024 at 11:49 AM, Owly said:

i believe amazon prime and youtube have it as well.

 

Oh nice. Thank you. I will look into that. 

 

On 1/28/2024 at 11:51 AM, Owly said:

I'm sorry top surgery is not an option for you. Has your doc said anything about the possibility of starting T?

 

Aw thanks. I haven't delved into discussion about T with my healthcare providers as such, but two of them gave me names of two different docs whom I could pursue it with should I decide to. Another factor which makes me hesitate is that I am a choral singer (although not currently involved in any choirs) and would not want to lose my soprano range. Dysphoria is funny like that - I am not crazy about the pitch of my speaking voice, but my high singing range is something I enjoy. Go figure.