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it been 4 years now and i am on my way to  being   a male i now understand how i fell i keep thinking about different way off trying to block out the transphobes but it get to me sometimes  and i know what ever i do it will have an in pact in me but i have to be true to who i am and need to make sure i am who i am no time wasting with my GP S ether they have properly stop t my gender clinic referral to be honest  and that pushes me back so much i all so have to make sure i am happy with in my self i keep thinking that if i can make the process go quicker then i fell so much better but i  have to wait to long i get upset and start to want to be a female on the in said but at the end off the day i think that i understand that the wait would be worth it i just fell like  i cant come out to some people  i get that i need  to keep my self together in life i have to be me because  no else will  do it for me so i am going to show the world who i am and what gender i am i fell like i would put it off if i did not have the right people here for me i have got so much support and love from my partner and friends i am going to my GP to see what they can do for me but i am felling like i want to throw in the towel with it because  i cant take much when  i am under pressure i just fell like i would brake i cant take much i all so know that trans understand one and other there are so many  i just fell like i want to run and hide because  it hurts so much what more can i do just wait for it not to happen even though i am trying so hard to fined my feet at the moment i fell like  i keep being pushed off my feet with no warning at all don t understand how to  i can keep waiting on the clinic is so annoying  i have such a big story and its so hard yes i am only  i am so up aet that they are just waiting and i know that  i fell  like i am going back to my old said in said i keep want to just sit   and think what more can  i do   want  to understand on what going on  with my self i fell like i am losing my self some times it gets to the point that i cant hand the way  i fell is like  its just a big   time for me to understand that  i  am struggling throw a lot my buy logical   family  don t want to understand  that they don't want to support   me my mother  is not interacted in who i am  at the end off the day i want to try and see what can be done i keep thinking that i am such a lady but   i am  so tired off my brain trying to push my felling out the window   what more can i do 

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Some people won't accept the real you and you have to understand that. I have been out since April last year and my mom will never call me Ashley. My sisters even sometimes call me Scott. Every time I hear that name it makes me depressed. I lost over 40 family members since I came out. You can't control their reactions or emotions. 

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