Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Failed at first contact.


Maisy

Recommended Posts

Recently I tried to contact therapy clinic to help me, I was told that they were full. Maybe they were being honest,  but I feel for some reason it might had something to do with my letter, I tried to be as honest in it I could in the initial letter, but I  didn’t say anything about my gender dysphoria issue, as I wanted know for sure that my family won’t know anything about it, so I asked about that first before saying anything about it. I also feel it might be when I said I was autistic, I know some places don’t want to deal with autistic people. I also feel might had something to do when I tried to discuss about insurance, in that letter. I said in the letter I didn’t know much about insurance, but I did said I have it, maybe that scared them. I asked them if they know any resources that I could help me, but all they did is point to website that made me found them in the first place. I know I shouldn’t feel discouraged about what happened since it was my first attempt, but I feel more trapped and I was before. My only choices is continue looking, or take a chance with my local therapist. I already tried that once before, but I got scared, as I didn’t feel like I can trust them. I really wish I could talk to my family, that hurts more then the GD. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Know this - it is hard to find therapist who can help with GD and those who do are usually swamped. That was my experience. You might try opening up your search to those who offer remote help as they can be anywhere. Be patient (easier said than done). I honestly don't think it has to do with you as any good theripest won't find your conditions nor insurance something they won't deal with. Also check Psychology Today website - they have a great listing of therapists and their specialities in each step and types of insurance they take.

I understand you fear and being scared. It is something that is difficult to deal with.

Hugs,

Heather

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

My thinking in general is If they don't want to see me. F them and look else were. They may have been a bad match anyway. Keep looking you'll find the one that clicks with you. One the genuinely cares about helping you. That is what I found.

The therapist that I previously had was good. Yet, she seemed the paperwork was more important. My current one is fantastic, really cares about me, I look forward to each appointment.

 

Keep looking you'll find the one.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

As Heather Shay mentioned, I would recommend looking online. I found my therapist through an on-line provider and eventually just moved to her private practice in a totally on-line format. She turned out to be a perfect match for me, is always available and responsive. She's literally been a lifesaver.

 

I'm happy to provide you with the name of the on-line provider  or the info for my therapist, if you'd like them. My therapist has told me she's open to taking on new patients. Feel free to PM me if you'd like any/all of the info or more detail on my experiences.

 

There are good therapists out there!

Link to comment

Hi @Maisy, I am sorry for your troubles finding Gender Affirming Care -

 

I am not sure where you are in the U.S. but, have you checked online for a Planned Parenthood in your area?  They provide gender care services.  I know, because I just went to my first visit to one in my area.  They were great!

 

Here is a link to what they provide.  If there is not one nearby, @April Marie's suggestion to search more online may work for you.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care/our-services/gender-affirming-care

Link to comment

I made contact with a therapist, I’m meeting with them next week. They don’t specialize In transgender issues, but their profile said they had experience. For me, I think this will be good enough for me to trust them to open up about the subject. Though I’m still not sure if I should talk about it on the first meeting or I should wait and meet them a few times. I’m scared about talking about it, though I’m still going to try. I told myself so many times to stay calm and don’t worry. I hope everything gos ok.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good afternoon @Maisy

 

Once you do bring it up and talk about it, the subject should get easier. I know it did for me. Also chatting about it here helps you practice for the real life conversation.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment

@Maisy only bring it up when you feel comfortable about it. The nice thing is the sooner you talk about it the sooner you can get to the bottom of it. Not trying to tell you to just something to maybe motivate that's all. I wish you good luck with it. They work on your timeline not theirs. Take care. 

Link to comment
Just now, Maisy said:

I think this will be good enough for me to trust them to open up about the subject.

I'm really happy to hear you have a therapist @Maisy!
My two therapists were not 'gender' specific therapists either, but they have both been wonderful in helping me find my 'true self' and move forward.  A good therapist will do that, regardless of their specialty.
My first meeting with my first therapist I just un-corked 60+ years of gender dysphoria and let it 'all out'.  Poor woman was scribbling notes so fast 😄

 

But as others said, you must feel you are in a safe and secure environment to be open and honest.  Whether that's on the first visit, later, or with a different therapist.  It's up to you.

The most important thing is you are getting started and making a determination to move forward.  Congratulations on that point.

Deep breaths ... One step at a time

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 89 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • FelixThePickleMan
    • KathyLauren
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,077
    • Most Online
      8,356

    gender_equality_nccu
    Newest Member
    gender_equality_nccu
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alexa Amorosa
      Alexa Amorosa
      (48 years old)
    2. Bluestem
      Bluestem
      (39 years old)
    3. CharlotteSW
      CharlotteSW
      (26 years old)
    4. Daisy91
      Daisy91
    5. jriddle1990
      jriddle1990
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      As a guy with a mom constantly throwing around "she/her", I feel you.   I think trans people in general hold ourselves to an impossible standard to be more girly or manly. There are some people who look or act a lot like the opposite gender, even if they're completely comfortable in their AGAB. That thought helps comfort me sometimes. If being a man was a set of boxes to check off (beyond the obvious chromosome things), I'm sure there'd be plenty of cis guys that would suddenly find themselves no longer being guys. It can be hard when it feels like evidence is stacked against you, but you don't have to be a certain way to turn into a guy. Some people will make it sound that way, but you're already a guy, regardless of how you look or act. After all, men don't look or act one way.   Moving on from that, your mom'll probably (unfortunately) be an issue until you're able to put some distance between yourself and her. Finding a good group of people that support you and your identity can help some -- even if you can't stop her from misgendering you, the more people that you find that respect you can sometimes make it easier to drown out that voice.   I wish you the best of luck <3
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Dang, this post started a loooooong time ago :o   I'm not the most masculine guy, and I would be way too terrified to talk about any desire to be a boy tbh. Everyone said I was girl, I was told I had girl parts, all that, so I figured there was no other option, even if I wanted to be a boy. So, I basically masked the few remaining "signs" I would have after taking away some stereotypical guy things. I was a bit of a tomboy, but I didn't mind wearing fem clothing, and I was seen as just that -- a bit of a boyish girl.   Though, one internalized sign I did have and never talked about was my obsession with Mulan. A girl who got to go and be a guy. She got to hang out with the guys, eat and sleep with the guys, act like a guy, learn the same things the guys in the movie did. I thought every girl would be jealous of that... apparently not, lol 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      It depends what you consider "rich". "Rich" as in there's plenty going on in there? Yeah, sure. Doesn't mean it's high quality junk. There's a lot of complicated stuff I'm still working on sorting out, so even if I've got a lot in my inner life, it's such a mess that it looks more like a hoarder's den than the nice, temple-like space a "rich inner life" makes me think of.     Then I'm definitely doing something wrong with thinking haha 😅 My brain is physically incapable of not thinking about something. I can focus on one thing if I try really hard or if it's a specific interest of mine, but I have to keep thinking on it, otherwise my brain just starts jumping around. If I leave my brain alone, it sometimes jumps to some stuff that kinda scares me, so I don't think my thoughts will ever go to silence     Great minds think alike, I suppose! :D
    • Ivy
      I will add, Sometimes it's just a look of recognition from a woman, say like in a coffeeshop, store, etc. that helps me feel like I do belong.  I don't get that recognition from men anymore - and don't miss it.
    • Ivy
      I wanted to say this too. One thing that is hard for trans women is not having had the girl's socialization growing up.  A lot of the time we just don't know how to act, and that shows. For myself, sometimes I hold back maybe more than I should out of fear of seeming "creepy." Acceptance varies.  Some women are quite accepting, others less so.  I usually wait to be invited to participate.  I don't want to push myself on anybody.   These days I don't have much interaction with men anyway.  Perhaps my seeing men as "other" gets picked up on by women.  I don't know.  I seem to fall back on "it's complicated."   I think when you understand what women go through in this patriarchal society it helps to understand better.  As trans women, we do get some of this as well, but most of us didn't have to grow up with it. Over time, and even pre-transition, I've developed a very feminist view of our society.  (Also raising 6 daughters helped a bit.)  But that is a whole other subject.
    • Vidanjali
      I spend time reflecting on this too. I do so in terms of transcending mind. I study Vedanta, mystical yoga philosophy, under guru's guidance. The mind-body complex is spoken of where "mind" is further parsed as ego, mind, intellect, unconscious all interacting with each other. It is said that one's real Self is soul and from a transcendent point of view, soul is not individualized, but One. It is through the illusion of ignorance we experience a world of multiplicity. Soul reflected through conditioned mind projects our seemingly subjective experience. When our unconscious is steeped in negative impressions, the ego is inflated. That inflated ego influences intellect which is the faculty of discernment, reasoning, and will, to direct the mind to project the negativity it believes is true. Negative experience of the world creates further negative impressions in the unconscious and thus a vicious cycle occurs. But likewise we are able to exert self-effort to control the mind, break that cycle and plant seeds of positivity in the unconscious by doing good practices in many ways.    It is said that mind is the cause of bondage and release. My guru once said if your thinking lead to more and more thinking, then there is something wrong with your thinking. But if your thoughts lead to thoughtlessness, then you are on the right track. That is, one can do many things with the mind - make the mind one-pointed, make the mind distracted, or make the mind so still that it negates itself. That is a taste of bliss.   So, do I have a rich inner life? I would say I do. But that was not a given; I aspire for it. It requires persistent effort and patience. And the term "rich" is not literal. Lord Jesus said, blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. By this, "poor" is also not meant literally. Poor in spirit is the state of cessation of ego and attachment - there is no "me" or "mine". In that state the kingdom which is Absolute Bliss is attained.
    • Ivy
      Welcome Cynthia
    • Sally Stone
      Post 11 “The Move West”    I mentioned in previous posts how many of the places I lived impacted my comfort level, and from my perspective, living in New Jersey was the perfect location for a trans woman.  However, other factors, such as property taxes and living costs, meant my wife and I couldn’t comfortable retire there.  Additionally, my wife wanted to live closer to our kids, and I couldn’t deny her that desire, especially since she dutifully followed me around the globe during my military and flying career.  Because the boys both lived on the “left” coast, we were going to retire somewhere in the western half of the United States.    Searching for places to retire, we wanted a locale that was easy on taxes and benefitted retirees.  However, I was ever vigilant for a place that was going to be trans friendly.  We actually passed on many places because, based on the research I did, they were not considered good locales for alternative lifestyles.  The internet has its issues, but there are numerous LGBTQ resources that helped us make an informed decision.  Despite the research we did, you really can’t know if you are going to be comfortable somewhere until you’ve actually lived there.   The plan was to select a location, and move when I retired.  However, the demand for real estate in New Jersey put our house in high-demand, and our real estate agent suggested we sell as soon as possible to take advantage of the market.  We put the house up for sale and it sold in under 15-days.  Suddenly, we had to find a new place to live, so instead of waiting until I stopped working, we relocated immediately.    Nevada had always come up as a great retirement location.  There was no state tax, and the cost of living was much lower than any of the other places we had on our list.  Surprisingly, many of the larger Nevada municipalities scored high as LGBTQ locations.  Las Vegas got the best LGBTQ ratings but we didn’t want to live in such a large city.  However, both Carson City and Reno looked like acceptable alternatives.  We chose the Reno area, although the house we bought is about 50-mile away from the city.   In the back of my mind, I kept wondering if the research I had done about Reno being LGBTQ friendly was accurate.  Clearly, I had assumed some risk here, since the research results didn’t specifically address the transgender community.  Adding to my anxiety, I couldn’t find any local trans groups, and the Reno LGBTQ community center’s transgender page hadn’t been refreshed in several years.  The only way for me to know for sure what things would be like for me, was to put myself out there.    Sally’s first day in Reno would be a June Saturday morning.  The plan was to do some shopping and find a place to eat lunch.  I started my day by stopping at Starbucks for coffee.  It was a pleasant surprise to greeted so openly by the staff, and this seemed a first positive sign.  Then it was off to the mall.  I shopped at a few of the department stores, and strolled through the mall proper.  It was a busy Saturday, with lots of people out and about, but I never noticed an odd or disparaging look, nor did I encounter a personal interaction that wasn’t anything but pleasant and cordial.  After the mall, I stopped at PF Chang’s for lunch.  Since I was alone, I asked the hostess if I could get food at the bar.  The young lady tending the bar that day was so sweet, and we immediately became friends.  The next thing I knew, I was being introduced to other servers, and became the center of their attention.  They raved about my outfit and the boots I was wearing.  Talk about feeling special.    So, my first day as Sally was awesome, and since that first outing, I have never had an uncomfortable moment in Reno.  I have also noticed several trans women in my travels, so obviously there is a population here.  It kind of surprises me there isn’t an active social group, but then maybe the women I’ve encountered have settled into society here, and don’t need it.  I don’t actually need a trans specific social group either.  My wife is my BFF, and she and I get out together often enough that I don’t feel lonely or alone.   I bet there are other girls out there; however, who are still in the closet, or perhaps don’t know how much fun Reno is.  For those girls, I have considered starting a social group.  In fact, I have already coordinated a “girl’s” weekend for this coming September.  The plan is to spend the weekend enjoying all Reno has to offer, but centered around a Saturday evening concert.  It should be lots of fun, and I’m looking forward to it.  The challenge is getting the word out.  I probably need to coordinate with the local LGBTQ center to help spread the word.   Turns out Reno is a fun place to live even though I am trans.  The people Sally has met have all been very friendly, but I can’t imagine it being any other way, since Sally is also friendly, and based on my interaction with others, very likeable as well.  I think I’m living proof that when you are open, friendly, have a positive attitude, and smile a lot, people respond in kind, even when they might know, or have a hint you weren’t born the gender you are presenting.    One could assume that my positive social experiences have just been dumb luck, but when I consider how long I have been out as Sally, it can’t just be luck.  I know in my heart, that I am doing something right, that my female personality resonates in a way that ensures I am accepted as the woman I am trying to be.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Ivy
    • Betty K
      I’m not saying that situation will change for you — how could I know? — but I can say it changed for me. I am frequently astonished at how differently I behave since transitioning, how much more relaxed and free and confident I am, and how much of my behaviour seems — to me and to others — genuinely feminine. It can happen.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Good information, thanks.
    • MaeBe
      The behaviors you mention are all socialized, they’re not natal. The women all lived lives where this behavior is expected and they learned. That’s not to say every person aligns with societal “norms” or does it well, this situation was a microcosm. I think I understand where your head is at and I’m confident nothing I wrote is news to you, but look at it this way: do what brings you joy and the rest will follow. At the end it seems like you got in the way of your own joy, the others were including you be it through politeness or acceptance, and only when the Self got in the way did the interaction change.
    • Ladypcnj
      Here are some safety tips whenever going out: 1. Make sure your cellphone is fully charged, and don't forget to bring the charger with you. 2. Tell a trusted friend or family member who is accepting about where you're going to be (if you're traveling alone). 3. Bring along a trusted friend or someone else that is in the community, go together, and afterwards leave the place together. 4. Be aware of your surroundings.
    • Mirrabooka
      I’m posting this here because maybe it is a sign that I dislike my natal self in some ways that I hadn’t thought of before.   A situation happened yesterday which ended up giving me a good ol’ reality check. It left me feeling quite deflated. As a result, once again, I’m questioning my place on the trans rainbow spectrum. It’s not so much that I feel like an imposter, but rather, I feel like an alien.   Our oldest daughter is a single mom and her daughter, our granddaughter, is going on seven. They had a special event at her school yesterday; it was Special Person’s Day, where parents or significant others were invited to participate in some out-of-class activities in the last hour with the students. Since our daughter was working, my wife and I were glad to attend in her place and our granddaughter was thrilled to see us.   My wife isn’t disabled, but she’s not especially capable of doing physical stuff. So, it was always going to be me holding onto the tug-of-war rope with half a dozen mothers against the kids, just as it was to get in the rock/paper/scissors comp where the loser went to the back of the line and the winner had to sprint madly along the line to mee the next contestant. It was nice to be doing something amongst a group of lovely women, not that they knew that I was emulating them. There was some small talk and a bit of gentle banter with these strangers, and it felt nice; I felt included. Of course, these women were just being good humans and not actually including me as one of them. Not that I expected them to do so.   Then we went to the art room and waited outside until the previous group finished up. I became observant during this time, not ogling the ladies amongst the throng at all, but just taking in their hairstyles and clothing choices and the spontaneous, intuitive conversations between them. I started to get a sinking feeling. I was nothing like them, not just in appearance, but in womanly ways. Once inside and assisting the kids, I found it impossible to interact with any of the mothers at all. It’s as if I could see their large pink auras all intermingling, and here was I with my tiny blue (purple at best) aura tied to an anvil and unable to think of myself as anything but an outlier. I almost felt embarrassed to have long hair.   It doesn’t matter how womanly I feel inside, or what feminine mannerisms automatically happen, or how I might display myself to keep my inner woman happy – I am missing the naturality of it all. And that's what gave me the feeling of being deflated.   Just had to get this off my chest.    
    • Cynthia Slowan
      Good Morning!!    I hope everyone has a nice day.  I love rain but am happy to see the sun trying to peep through this morning in North Carolina.     I have been in the foothills for about a week visiting friends and family and will be heading home to the coast in a few hours.     I have to pack my car before I can enjoy my morning ☕️ then hope to have a pleasant five hour drive.     💗Cynthia 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...