Hi

[Ashley0616]

I have two myself although a lot younger than that. I didn't start till I was 32. I think you did a good job too. My oldest loves being in his room. In order to spend time with him I have to go in there. 

 

Heck I wished I liked those as hobbies. I can cook but just don't find it enjoyable and plus my oldest is so picky that about everything I did cook he would say I don't like it. When I ask him what he does want he just says I don't know. My youngest isn't picky at all. I would rather do laundry than clean. 

[Marieh]

Mine aren't picky but when I ask they 'don't know'. So I cook something and they're meh, we don't like it. 

But they like pasta, cheese  burgers and pizza. Oh and barbecue  ribs. Chilli of course. Meanwhile my wife is on a pre diabetes diet, so my head is frazzled. 

 

As for laundry, they have millions of socks and because I taught them about showers, more  towels than small  hotels.

 

I loved every moment with them when they were younger. My wife had the high paid job. I was part time. So I was a housewife which I loved. In a way I lived the life I wanted and would probably have  lived if I was born a girl. Like my Mother and sisters. 

 

In a way I got my wish. 

 

Except for the one big one.

[KayC]

Hi @Marieh!  My first chance to say Welcome!

I connect with many parts of your story.  Almost exactly 4 years ago I found this site, and then started gender therapy.  It's been a long and winding road (as the song goes), but after many starts and stops I am finally on HRT and socially transitioning.  The support of the Members here on this Forum are a big part of that.

Everybody is different, our challenges sometimes daunting, but over time we all seek the same thing.  To live as a True Self.  I am sure you will find that too.

Deep breaths ... One step at a time

[Susan R]

On 2/15/2024 at 3:55 PM, Marieh said:

Two found out early but never mentioned it again. One my closest, I  came out to in recent years and she  complained I didn't trust her, so she's fully accepting. My wife worked it out. But doesn't want to know. I also know others who know but only allude to it.

Hi @Marieh, I’m glad you joined us. The background information you describe above sounds very close to my experiences with people finding out and playing it down. Growing up, my mother and younger sister were the only family members or friends who called me out on my crossdressing. The others who knew (and that was almost everyone), pretended they didn’t know which made it too easy to simply suppress until later in life.

 

In 2017, after another family member brought up my crossdressing during a discussion of family secrets, it triggered me and changed the course of my life. After that phone call, I sat down and focused on my life writing down the name or description of every person in my life who knew I crossdressed. The list was extremely long and it brought to my attention (finally) that, for the most part, everyone already knew so what’s the point of hiding an essential part of myself any longer.

 

I believe you may be experiencing something very similar. At this point, the suppression has little if any power over you. You may realize that this is a deep part of your core personhood. Acceptance is hard but as you have likely already started to experience, the freedom it brings is a wonderful thing. In time, if there was any shame and discomfort about it, that too will slowly dissipate.

 

It was mentioned here in this thread earlier…we’re all at different stages within our journey and we embrace our truth in different ways. It’s an important step to find allies and get answers to some of the questions that may come up. This forum is one such place this can be done and it’s been a blessing to me these last 5 years. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. I look forward to learning more about you as you join in. I wish you the best of luck on this new chapter of your life.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[Marieh]

Oh I've completely accepted myself as transgender. I have difficulty even thinking of myself as a male even in day to day activity. But I  can't make the the next obvious move..    

 

You have made a wise comment Susan. I found the same thing. They knew, they know even if they cannot quite express it. Tonight four of my sisters inlaw came for a party. My wife knows but they don't officially know but they're were six women in the  room. They  knew it.

 

The only person who needs to allow me to move on is my wife. It's not fair on her.