Are you comfortable enough to be an activist for LGBTQ+ community?

[Betty K]

13 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I feel like the younger generation is constantly seeking attention, whether through online content or very non-conforming appearance.  Why are people surprised when they get negative attention when attention is what they have sought?  Why are people surprised when their own voluntary actions place them in the category of "other" and then they get treated as "other?"

 

I offered two practical reasons why young trans folk might be seeking attention: (1) to send a message to other queer and trans folk; (2) to send a message to cis folk that they are not like them. They may be willing to put up with the negative attention in order to find their tribe, or they may just feel the negative attention is unjust and decide not to capitulate to it. And they may actually be glad that their actions place them in a category of "other", or at least "other" than cisgender.

 

13 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I deal with the appearance issue in my own life.  I'm much more comfortable simply without clothes.  In summer, I'd prefer to wear nothing at all.  What kind of attention would I get if I went to the grocery store like that?

 

Is it crucially important to you that people recognise that you are a nudist? Will you suffer dysphoria, depression or humiliation if they don't? I doubt it. For many trans folk, as I said above, it is crucial that others see and acknowledge their genders. If you are non-binary, simply communicating that fact can be very difficult.

 

14 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I'd prefer to see an emphasis on flexibility and tolerance.  Accept other people's family structures, and have yours accepted.  I feel like there's lip service given towards that sort of tolerance, but it isn't being practiced.

 

Can you give any examples of how trans folk are "not accepting people's family structures"?

[Betty K]

5 minutes ago, Birdie said:

I have to tread on egg shells, I'm in west Texas!

 

Understood. I do not envy you at all.

[Betty K]

21 minutes ago, Birdie said:

I didn't 'blend in' for 45 years of my life. Whilst in boy-mode I endured many snare remarks about my wide hips and obvious breasts. Even the way I walked was ridiculed. I do understand what it's like not to 'blend in'. 

 

I just tried my best to not raise a fuss about it and keep to myself. I avoided many confrontations by doing so, but not all off them. 

 

Fortunately in girl-mode I go unnoticed. Very few people know I'm intersex and just assume I'm cis female. I really don't want to have that discussion with everyone I meet anyways. 

 

I'm not putting the trans woman down in the least, she was 'very courageous' indeed. But the confrontations ultimately resulted in her losing her job. Perhaps in AU there would be protections in place to prevent that, and then police would have intervened as well whist things were happening. 

But is Texas, and a very strict part of Texas. Things are different here. 

 

I understand. I think we all deal with these kinds of situations in different ways. In primary school my response to not blending in was to try my hardest to do so. I didn't want to be seen as girlish so I tried to copy the boys, but failed and got bullied anyway. In high school, thanks to having made a new best friend who didn't blend in either, I found the courage -- we both found the courage -- to deliberately blend in even less. Our hairstyles and outfits sent a message to other kids and we made more friends who helped protect us from the inevitable increase in bullying that followed. I'm glad we did that, because it helped my self-respect, which had been almost destroyed in primary school. I'm guessing the woman in the mall did what she did for the sake of her self-respect.

 

We do have protections in Australia. In Tasmania, which in the late 90s was considered to have the most repressive laws in the western world for queer folks, they now have what are considered the most progressive laws. Our protections were hard-won, and I hope our memories of the bad times may still be fresh enough that we won't let things slide backwards here. I have to admit watching what's happening in the US and the UK makes me nervous though.

 

 

 

 

[MaeBe]

3 hours ago, Birdie said:

I unfortunately watched her get verbally assaulted almost every time I went to the mall, and her stand was just a stones throw away from the police/security station. They of course did nothing whilst she was verbally assaulted.

And this is why advocacy and activism exist. This woman was quietly making a stand and was drowned out by those that would choose hate and vitriol. That is why group activism exists, to create solidarity, to even the playing field. If you have the privilege to be "quietly queer", that's amazing and probably precarious because of the human urge to protect one's self. Why advocate when you can adumbrate?

 

Sorry, I had to rhyme and alliterate (again!), the latter means "to produce the image or resemblance of".

 

When you're not safe it's natural to not want to rock the boat, however if everyone kept quiet we'd all be that woman in the mall getting yelled everywhere. Without advocacy and activism, the "safe States" won't be "safe" either.

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

I didn't want to be seen as girlish so I tried to copy the boys, but failed and got bullied anyway.

I realized my mannerisms were more like the girls than the boys, so I trained myself to copy the boys.  As for how well it worked… so so I suppose.

Although I lived most of my life in the male world, I never quite fit in.

 

I am writing this in a coffeeshop.  Just a few minutes ago I was watching a group of men talking together and was reminded yet again, how I've never understood men.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

10 hours ago, Betty K said:

(1) to send a message to other queer and trans folk;

(2) to send a message to cis folk that they are not like them.

 

They may be willing to put up with the negative attention in order to find their tribe, or they may just feel the negative attention is unjust and decide not to capitulate to it. And they may actually be glad that their actions place them in a category of "other", or at least "other" than cisgender.

 

Is it crucially important to you that people recognise that you are a nudist? Will you suffer dysphoria, depression or humiliation if they don't?

 

Pretty sure there's a wide gap between how you and I see the world...which is fine, as it makes things interesting!  To me, sending a message to cis folks that I'm not like them is absolutely the opposite of what I try to do.  I'd rather be seen for my similarities than my differences at most times.  You mention people seeking their tribe - which has certainly been a big thing in my life.  But is a trans person's tribe necessarily other trans folks?  Would we expect the same from members of other minority groups?  Are Black people supposed to seek out other Black people to spend time with?  Are Greek people (like me) supposed to seek out members of the Greek diaspora in the US?  What about people of a specific faith - are they supposed to spend time only with their faith community?  What about those of us who are LGBTQ+, an ethnic minority, and of a specific faith?  Which aspect of a person's identity takes priority? 

 

I wonder if by focusing on finding the LGBTQ+ tribe and emphasizing how different that tribe is from others, if some people might be missing out on greater acceptance that they might find otherwise? 

 

Isn't it also a question of degree?  For example, one of my friends works as custodian in the main building of my husband's workplace.  She's trans, very feminine, and she looks really nice in feminine clothes and feels comfortable expressing herself like that.  But isn't there a difference between an outfit of subdued colors/modest cut/small accent jewelry vs. a different outfit that is in bright colors/revealing, or even something overtly LGBTQ+ oriented?  Both hypothetical outfits could be described as feminine, but one attracts attention and the other doesn't.  Which is the better choice for her in the workplace?  In the grocery store?  Is the hypothetical subdued outfit more likely to make my friend look and feel less feminine or experience dysphoria than the one that draws more attention?  (And to avoid the "false dilemma" fallacy, these are just two examples - avoiding vs attracting attention is likely a wide spectrum of options.) 

 

There's also an issue in that we can be misunderstood or misidentified by the clothes we wear (or don't.)  For example, you mention me being a "nudist."  Actually, that doesn't identify me correctly....there's subtle differences in purpose and beliefs.  But I couldn't blame folks for assuming that if I showed up totally without clothing.  The principle applies to how folks dress when they want to express themselves.  Even if they mean to find their tribe and identity with it, what impression is left on those around them? 

 

I think that activism and appearance are very linked in this way - that the intended meaning may be very different than what is actually communicated to those around us.  It is perhaps a source of much of the friction we deal with. 

 

 

8 hours ago, MaeBe said:

If you have the privilege to be "quietly queer", that's amazing and probably precarious because of the human urge to protect one's self.

 

When you're not safe it's natural to not want to rock the boat

 

I wonder if people are different on this as well.  If I'm not feeling safe, the last thing I want to do is be noticed.  Since getting assaulted 18 months ago, I definitely am quieter and I don't put myself out there as much.  Is it a privilege to be quiet?  I kind of disagree.  I think the real privilege might be that when you aren't quiet, when you're attracting more attention than necessary, yet not experiencing something negative from that. 

[Birdie]

4 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

But is a trans person's tribe necessarily other trans folks? 

I'm not sure for most, but in my case all my friends when out and about are cis women. I'm accepted right into the fold and we have normal 'girl talk' conversations. 

We talked about everything from female issues (yeah I get some of those) to shopping and sales.  We talked about cute guys, and some of our dates as well. 

 

I really don't have any 'guy friends', more like acquaintances. 

 

Even when I was in boy-mode I was never accepted into the fold with the guys and always hung out with the girls. They could sense I was different. Of course the guys didn't have to deal with monthly cramps and such, but I did. 

[Betty K]

11 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

But is a trans person's tribe necessarily other trans folks?  Would we expect the same from members of other minority groups?  Are Black people supposed to seek out other Black people to spend time with?  Are Greek people (like me) supposed to seek out members of the Greek diaspora in the US?  What about people of a specific faith - are they supposed to spend time only with their faith community?

 

For certain young trans folk, yes, their tribe can be entirely made up of queer and trans people. They may grow beyond that "queer bubble" later in life, but those are the people with whom they feel safest and most affirmed in their genders. I think you'll find that many members of minority groups band together like this, probably in direct proportion to the amount of discrimination they experience from the dominant cultural group, but there is a key difference: trans people are not born into a family who are all part of the same minority, and are often discriminated against by our own families. Therefore, for many of us, it is all the more crucial that we seek out other members of our minority group.

 

As to the phrase "Are Greek people like me supposed to...", I just don't know where that's coming from. No-one is "supposed" to do anything in this scenario. I'm not prescribing that trans and queer kids should seek each other out; I'm just observing that they often do.

 

11 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Which aspect of a person's identity takes priority? 

 

That's an interesting question, but it's not something I can answer. I presume it's different for everyone. Intersectionality is complicated.

 

11 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I wonder if by focusing on finding the LGBTQ+ tribe and emphasizing how different that tribe is from others, if some people might be missing out on greater acceptance that they might find otherwise? 

 

Maybe that's true, who knows. I'm just trying to establish that these kids have the right to behave tribally (and to dress how they want) without other members of the trans community trying to make them feel guilty for it. I'm also trying to generate some empathy. Sure, their ways of coping with their status in society may not be entirely constructive, but they're young, and young people are often prone to black-and-white thinking. In my conversations with young trans folk I often point out where I think they have oversimplified matters, but I do it from a place of empathy, and I am never patronising.

 

11 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

But isn't there a difference between an outfit of subdued colors/modest cut/small accent jewelry vs. a different outfit that is in bright colors/revealing, or even something overtly LGBTQ+ oriented? 

 

What does "overtly LGBTQ+ oriented" even mean? "Overtly" according to whom?

 

Take a look at my profile picture. I can't imagine how any reasonable person could possibly complain about what I'm wearing. To me, it seems entirely respectable. But by wearing that outfit I do stand out in a crowd, and presumably every now and then someone takes offence. Are you suggesting I should wear a different outfit, and if so, why? For my own protection, or because you think I am somehow harming other trans people?

 

I think there is a component of victim blaming in what you've been saying in this thread. If a trans person is abused for looking a certain way, your response seems to be to blame the trans person for that outcome rather than the abuser. It's very much like a man saying "She was asking for it, it was the way she was dressed" when a woman is sexually abused. Some of us are fed up with this attitude and do not acknowledge anyone's right to abuse us based on the way we dress. And, believe it or not, when some people are backed into a corner they do not capitulate but only fight harder.

 

 

[Betty K]

On 3/4/2024 at 11:48 PM, Betty K said:

Can you give any examples of how trans folk are "not accepting people's family structures"?

 

Oh, and you didn't answer this.

 

I was joking about the "nudist" bit btw.

[Betty K]

22 hours ago, Ivy said:

Just a few minutes ago I was watching a group of men talking together and was reminded yet again, how I've never understood men.

 

Imo men are generally at their worst when they're in a group. But get one of them alone and, on rare occasions, they can be quite lovely. Hard to understand, sure, but mystery can be appealing sometimes.

[Mmindy]

4 minutes ago, Betty K said:

Imo men are generally at their worst when they're in a group. But get one of them alone and, on rare occasions, they can be quite lovely. Hard to understand, sure, but mystery can be appealing sometimes.

Betty,

 

Your responses to this thread are spot on.

As for men having a herd mentality, it's true. This where a good leader can shape the attitude and conversation of the group. By speaking up when negative conversation takes place.

 

Thank you,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Betty K]

13 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Is it a privilege to be quiet?  I kind of disagree.  I think the real privilege might be that when you aren't quiet, when you're attracting more attention than necessary, yet not experiencing something negative from that. 

 

The point is that it's a privilege to be able to assimilate, and we are all on a sliding scale (owing to biology, what stage of life we transitioned at, our level of socialisation as a certain gender, disabilities, etc) as regards how much of that privilege we can access. If you're further along that scale, I can imagine it might be tempting to compromise w/r/t your convictions and your sense of style and to try to blend in. But if you're not very far along it, the temptation will be far less, because whatever you do you are not going to assimilate. And in that case, you might decide to express your convictions and sense of style more strongly because you have so little to lose. You might also protest for your right to be accepted as you are, however you choose to present yourself, because you have so little hope of ever assimilating. And then again, you might just not want to assimilate.

 

As to "the real privilege", there are lots of different forms of privilege. It is certainly a privilege to live somewhere safe enough that you can express yourself without being attacked, but it's not the only privilege.

 

You'll notice that I've used the word "assimilation" a lot in this comment. That is really what we've been talking about here, and I presume you're aware that minority groups have often argued this point? If you're curious as to arguments against assimilation, I'm sure there are plenty online.

[Betty K]

7 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

By speaking up when negative conversation takes place.

 

Omg yes, I love a man that will speak up on occasion!

 

Thanks Mmindy.

[Ashley0616]

Well the meeting yesterday for the trans group was changed. I didn't have to tell them how bad yesterday was for me. I guess it's a blessing in disguise. It is going to happen at 4 today so it'll be interesting. 

[MaeBe]

45 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

It is going to happen at 4 today so it'll be interesting. 

☘️Good luck!☘️

 

💜Mae

[MaeBe]

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

The point is that it's a privilege to be able to assimilate...

Betty's got this right. My thought behind using the term "quietly queer", other than being adeptly alliterate 🤭, was a combination of "passing", assimilation/general adherence to societal "norms", and use of these to avoid bringing attention to themselves. It's not about being literally quiet.

 

Awkward, you have my deepest sympathies and thank you for sharing your trauma with us. That is horrible. I hope your attacker got or is getting the justice they deserve.

[Ashley0616]

2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

☘️Good luck!☘️

 

💜Mae

Thank you!

[awkward-yet-sweet]

14 hours ago, Betty K said:

Sure, their ways of coping with their status in society may not be entirely constructive, but they're young, and young people are often prone to black-and-white thinking.

 

Take a look at my profile picture. I can't imagine how any reasonable person could possibly complain about what I'm wearing. To me, it seems entirely respectable. But by wearing that outfit I do stand out in a crowd, and presumably every now and then someone takes offence. Are you suggesting I should wear a different outfit, and if so, why? For my own protection, or because you think I am somehow harming other trans people?

 

I think there is a component of victim blaming in what you've been saying in this thread. If a trans person is abused for looking a certain way, your response seems to be to blame the trans person for that outcome rather than the abuser. It's very much like a man saying "She was asking for it, it was the way she was dressed" when a woman is sexually abused.

 

Yes, I have observed that the younger folks are the ones who dress/act most noticeably.  To me, it is kind of an indication that prudence and maturity go together. 

 

I looked at your profile pic, and I don't see anything noteworthy.  And nobody where I live would complain.  I doubt that what you wear makes you stand out in a crowd, and in fact you probably blend in better than you'd think.  What I'm talking about are the folks who wear overtly LGBTQ+ clothing, political clothing, tons of piercings (like way more than 3 or 4), unnatural/wild hair colors.  And usually, it isn't just one of those things, but multiple all at once.  We had a newspaper cartoon of it recently... a drawing of somebody with those styles, and a child asking their mother what it meant, followed by the response, "Honey, that's a Democrat."  When something has become so much of a stereotype that it shows up in newspaper cartoons, I'd think we'd want to stay far away from that.

 

I feel like the victim blaming thing is a bit inaccurate.  I dislike that it is being used in modern society as a way to denigrate the concept of prudence.  Using the sex abuse example - obviously abuse and assault are not justified.  However, is a woman wise or making good choices if she wears revealing clothing and walks down a dark alley alone at night?  Wouldn't those who care about her advise her to make some different choices to reduce her risk, if those choices are possible? The value of prudence is what I'm trying to express. 

 

14 hours ago, Betty K said:

You'll notice that I've used the word "assimilation" a lot in this comment. That is really what we've been talking about here, and I presume you're aware that minority groups have often argued this point? If you're curious as to arguments against assimilation, I'm sure there are plenty online.

 

Your points on assimilation make sense, although no doubt we place a different value on attempting to do so.  My family is multi-cultural, as is my community.  Assimilation gets discussed, both in terms of blending into our specific community and to what extent we are able/willing to blend in with American culture in general. 

 

12 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Awkward, you have my deepest sympathies and thank you for sharing your trauma with us. That is horrible. I hope your attacker got or is getting the justice they deserve.

 

Thanks.  That person is currently a guest at the big house operated by the state.  😉

 

A lot of my thoughts on the topics of activism and appearance come from my experience.  Wondering how I was so rapidly identified (I was assaulted within seconds of a car accident, my attacker was at fault), and why being identified ended up being such a bad thing for me. 

 

My conclusion has been that my appearance triggered the attack.  The better I blend in and the less I'm noticed, the safer I am.  And I believe that the less LGBTQ+ folks are noticed in general, the less people will think about us and the safer we hopefully will be.  My response is like that of any vulnerable, wild creature:  Camouflage, speed, and safety in numbers. 

[Betty K]

19 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I doubt that what you wear makes you stand out in a crowd

It’s not what I wear that makes me stand out, but the fact that it’s a 6’2” trans woman wearing it. And believe me, I do stand out. I met a man the the other day who remembered having seen me on an occasion I’m guessing was 3-4 months ago, as well as on a number of other occasions. I have had three men track me down on Grindr to ask, “Did I see you at x location in the city centre today?” and they all identified me correctly. Strangers approach me in department stores, cafes, pharmacies, supermarkets, malls, etc. None of my cis-woman friends relate so many similar experiences. But at least we’ve established that it’s not just trans people who stand out in a crowd that you are critical of, but a certain subset of trans people who stand out in a crowd.

 

Your mention of the newspaper cartoon is telling. Basically any unusual-looking subculture of people is liable to end up being the butt of such jokes and caricatures. You seem to be advocating that therefore everyone should strive to look as ordinary as possible, in case they end up in a newspaper cartoon. Not everyone is so thin-skinned.
 

I don’t understand what the link is between your assault (about which, obviously, I was sorry to hear) and the fact that certain LGBTQ+ young folks look a certain way. If you don’t look anything like those people, what is the connection? Nor do I believe that if those kids were to change their appearance any of us would be spared harassment. When I grew up in the 1980s there was no such cliche of trans kids with blue hair and piercings, yet if I had gone outside in women’s clothing I would almost certainly have been bashed within a few hours, and I definitely would have been verbally abused. The abuse existed long before the blue-haired trans kids did.

 

41 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

However, is a woman wise or making good choices if she wears revealing clothing and walks down a dark alley alone at night?  Wouldn't those who care about her advise her to make some different choices to reduce her risk, if those choices are possible?

The problem is that your focus seems to be entirely on asking victims to change rather than abusers. But my question is this: DO you care about the people whose choices you are criticising? If so, I don’t think it comes across. It’s one thing to advise people on the value of prudence; it’s another to do so with a tone of judgement in your voice. But again, maybe I’m hearing you wrong? If you were to humbly offer your advice to young trans folk who, having been abused for their appearance, had come asking you for guidance, that would be another matter.

 

Incidentally, there’s an issue even more divisive than blue hair and piercings that conservatives just can’t stop talking about: gender-affirming care for trans children? I wonder what your views are on that? We should all distance ourselves from it as much as possible, surely, or risk making things more dangerous for you?  

 

Also, you still didn’t clarify in what ways trans folk are not accepting family’s structures.

[Birdie]

59 minutes ago, Betty K said:

The problem is that your focus seems to be entirely on asking victims to change rather than abusers.

I'm not sure how things are in the AU, but I know how things work in the Southern United States. 

 

I dress very plain in girl-mode, and try to blend in with all the other women in Texas whilst out shopping. Nothing too flashy. I have no problems 'passing' in girl-mode'.

 

When at the medical day-centre Mon-Fri, I dress 'androgynous' per their request. They kindly notify me if I'm not within the 'modesty standard' as well (covered to knees, collar bones, and elbows). I can only attend the centre in 'boy-mode because they don't believe in gender fluidity. 100% off the woman's rack, but very androgynous (They are very religious oriented).

 

I don't pass in 'boy-mode', not in the least, but it is required of me.  My DDD's just really stand out as well as my very wide hips. 

 

Last year another patient reached over and firmly grasped one of my boobs squeezing hard enough to leave bruises. He said, "just checking to see if they are real."

 

I filed a complaint and was not heard. His actions were justified because "he was just curious."

Basically, his actions were brought on by 'me' because I have boobs when according to them I shouldn't. 

 

I'm intersex, and I'm built like a female. The only thing that tipped the scales enough to say male on my birth certificate is the fact that I got testes instead of ovaries. I have no fault in how I was born, but I'm seen as an abnormality and a problem for them. I'm at fault automatically if something happens to me at the centre for "sending the wrong message." 

 

I just sit back and ignore the sexual advances and snare remarks basically because to complain is useless. It will be my fault for "sending the wrong message."

 

In Texas and other southern states, 'blending in' is a necessity. 

[Birdie]

Just too add: the day-centre would love for me to go back to 'chest binding' as it would save them a lot of problems, but that is a line I refuse to cross again. I have substantially pushed the envelope to it's acceptable limits and I refuse to give up any territory. 

 

I can wear pink and purple androgynous outfits, lip gloss, hair chalk, etc...

I'm not giving up what I have gotten them too accept. 

 

I guess that makes me an activist by Texas standards. 

[Betty K]

27 minutes ago, Birdie said:

In Texas and other southern states, 'blending in' is a necessity. 

I get that, but I still don’t think it’s a reason to blame those who don’t fit in for the abuse they receive. And I also think it’s up to each individual whether they live in a way that makes them liable to receive that abuse. Maybe some people are willing to face abuse in order to live as they want to live — like that woman who worked at the shopping mall, for eg. 

 

But the most important thing is I just don’t understand how any of this has anything to do with kids in California or Washington with blue hair and piercings, or kids here in Australia for that matter. How does their existence make you folks in the south more likely to receive abuse?

 

Your situation at work sounds horrific btw Birdie. Ugh, I really feel for you. Such a ridiculous situation. 

[Betty K]

11 minutes ago, Birdie said:

I guess that makes me an activist by Texas standards. 

Brilliant! You go, girl. 

[Ivy]

I think a cis woman wearing "revealing" clothing and a trans woman being clocked are different situations.  

Personally, I dress fairly conservatively, but that is partly me wanting to blend in with my age group (70+).  

As unfair as it is, women (trans and cis both) need to be aware and consider their own safety.  As trans women we have to deal with both misogyny and transphobia.  Basically, don't do anything stupid.

[MaeBe]

4 hours ago, Birdie said:

I just sit back and ignore the sexual advances and snare remarks basically because to complain is useless. It will be my fault for "sending the wrong message."

It's not. You know that. I have read things from you before, you don't go so quietly into the night. However, I understand the feeling of futility always having to push that rope. You have the unenviable position of having no alternative to the critical care you receive there.

 

Your assisted living facility sounds like a microcosm of a subset of society. Firstly, am I wrong in remembering it's a faith-based organization? If so, that comes with the American South's sideways puritanical hypocrisy: pro "life", but not pro "lives"; pro "religious freedom", but not for other religions. Regardless the population there is older, which comes with it an entrenched view of society. Older people tend to be less tolerant of change and "outsiders". The staff, even if they are younger, may be institutionalized into an ambivalence towards the people in their care and/or don't want to upset management, the job market isn't the hottest. The management, you've stated, maintains a conservative ideology which they pursue vigorously. They do seem to understand there is a limit to the mistreatment of you, but allow enough of it just to let you know how "unwelcome" you are. Terrible.

 

You, however, are handling it with grace. You have changed minds; your ladies group welcomes you, confides in you, and provides some level of social protection for you. That is a beautiful social victory. You've been an activist in is plainest form, getting those ladies to accept you, you are changing hearts and minds! 💪

 

💜Mae